So Obama accepted Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s resignation (which the media generously calls a “sacking” to boost Obama’s new bad-ass image), and Gen. David Patreaus is going in. They said Obama called Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai to deliver the news, so imagine me as the kitty under his desk, secretly listening in…
Obama: Hi, Hamid? Barack here.
Karzai: Ah, Mr. Obama. A thousand felicitations. How are you?
O: Could be better. I’ve got BP holding on the other line, so let me get right to the point. I’m calling because there’s been a slight change of personnel in our efforts to turn your country into a Western-style Muslim-hating, God-fearing Christian nation.
K: Are you referring to my friend, Stan? The one who talked to that American magazine. What is it? Rock and Roll?
O: Rolling Stone.
K: Yes, that’s the one. I was just reading it. Stan and his men, how do you say it? — they drilled you a new one, ha, ha! — but they really seem to like Hillary.
O: (Tone turns icy) General McChrystal did not live up to the high ideals I expect in a seasoned military professional who carries out, without question, whatever orders I give. It’s the cornerstone of our democracy, so McChrystal had to go.
K: So, you’d rather prove to the whole world that you have thin skin, can’t take a joke, and let some hippie magazine determine your foreign policy? And you call me weak? You should lighten up, my friend. Life’s too short — you’d know that if you lived here.
O: Sorry, levity is out of the question, Hamid. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate and my hair is getting grayer by the minute. I don’t need any trash-talking general bad-mouthing me and Biden, so I’m replacing McChrystal with General David Petraeus.
K: The Butcher of Baghdad?
O: No, that was Saddam. Patraeus is a fine man. He’ll be a big help to you.
K: Can he be bought?
O: Of course not. He has utmost integrity, and I’d trust him with my life.
K: Then he’s no use to us. You might as well let him stay home. Oh, sorry to cut this short, Barack, but I’ve gotta go. I’m meeting the Taliban for lunch.