Obama Talks to Karzai RE: McChrystal

By Yul

So Obama accepted Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s resignation (which the media generously calls a “sacking” to boost Obama’s new bad-ass image), and Gen. David Patreaus is going in. They said Obama called Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai to deliver the news, so imagine me as the kitty under his desk, secretly listening in…

Obama: Hi, Hamid? Barack here.

Karzai: Ah, Mr. Obama. A thousand felicitations. How are you?

O: Could be better. I’ve got BP holding on the other line, so let me get right to the point. I’m calling because there’s been a slight change of personnel in our efforts to turn your country into a Western-style Muslim-hating, God-fearing Christian nation.

K: Are you referring to my friend, Stan? The one who talked to that American magazine. What is it? Rock and Roll?

O: Rolling Stone.

K: Yes, that’s the one. I was just reading it. Stan and his men, how do you say it? — they drilled you a new one, ha, ha! — but they really seem to like Hillary.

O: (Tone turns icy) General McChrystal did not live up to the high ideals I expect in a seasoned military professional who carries out, without question, whatever orders I give. It’s the cornerstone of our democracy, so McChrystal had to go.

K: So, you’d rather prove to the whole world that you have thin skin, can’t take a joke, and let some hippie magazine determine your foreign policy? And you call me weak? You should lighten up, my friend. Life’s too short — you’d know that if you lived here.

O: Sorry, levity is out of the question, Hamid. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate and my hair is getting grayer by the minute. I don’t need any trash-talking general bad-mouthing me and Biden, so I’m replacing McChrystal with General David Petraeus.

K: The Butcher of Baghdad?

O: No, that was Saddam. Patraeus is a fine man. He’ll be a big help to you.

K: Can he be bought?

O: Of course not. He has utmost integrity, and I’d trust him with my life.

K: Then he’s no use to us. You might as well let him stay home. Oh, sorry to cut this short, Barack, but I’ve gotta go. I’m meeting the Taliban for lunch.

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4 Responses to Obama Talks to Karzai RE: McChrystal

  1. Joanaroo says:

    LOL! Yul, you’ve come thru as a good investigative reporter again! Your peer Abysinian (sp?) Cooper would be proud and should welcome you to CNN-Cat News Network. Abby isn’t afraid to tell people what he thinks and to keep them honest, and neither are you!

  2. catsworking says:

    Thank you, Joanaroo! That makes me feel a lot better. My cousin Noel McWormald just gave me hell, saying McChrystal deserved to be fired. I might add that she HAD NOT read the Rolling Stone article in its entirety, but I HAVE. And I still think McChrystal is right for the job in Afghanistan.

    If Patraeus goes down in flames over there, and I think he will because nothing can salvage that situation short of overthrowing Karzai, he will have Obama to thank for reducing his distinguished military career to shreds.

    I understand Helen Thomas left an empty seat in the front row at White House press briefings. Wonder if they’d let me have it?

  3. Adele says:

    Yul, a fine job indeed; it’s hard to get a laugh out of the Afghanistan situation, but you gave me one.

    I think Joanaroo’s suggestion that you get Helen Thomas’s empty seat is a good one. After all, you have no trouble wearing clothes, so a suit and tie (or at least a tie) should be no problem for you.

  4. catsworking says:

    Adele, thanks for the vote of confidence! I could do the tie thing, and I bet I’d get to ask the first question, standing out as the “new guy” on the beat.

    Obama’s lunch yesterday with Medvedev yesterday at the burger joint looked like another interesting conversation.

    I learned from this video clip that Obama puts MUSTARD on his burgers and Medvedev drinks regular Coke, not diet. I guess he figured if he was going to be bad and eat junk food, might as well go all the way.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/world/us_and_canada/10410230.stm

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