Could the Gulf Get Any Slimier Than BP?

By Yul

They were smart enough to dig the hole to the oil that’s destroying the Gulf of Mexico. But when it comes to closing the hole, BP and its crooked cronies Transocean and Haliburton can only whine, “We don’t know if we can. It’s a WHOLE MILE under water!”

What’s going on is obvious. They haven’t really WANTED to seal the well because they hope to tap it again, instead of starting over somewhere else.

And now we’re hearing that unexpected stuff spewed from that rig at least three times right before it exploded. Big red flags everybody ignored. Gee, when have we ever seen Corporate America oblivious to all warning signs before a disaster?

Can you say, “Every time?”

I’m sure the Gulf Coast inhabitants watching their world get slimed would concur when I say to BP and the federal government…

Enough with the useless investigations! Shut off that damn well FIRST, ask questions LATER!

Matt Lauer on the Today Show lit into BP’s CEO, Tony Hayward. Hayward admitted he blew off Shell’s past president, John Hofmeister, who suggested they bring in supertankers to filter the oil from the water before it hits land, like the Arabs did with a bigger spill in the Arabian Gulf.

Guess Hayward would only consider that if his oil were filling the English Channel and the Queen was miffed.

Instead, BP plans to pump a mud-like substance into the hole, and then concrete, a strategy that has a 50-50 chance of working and could make things worse.

My suggestion is to use robots (like the ones that brought up stuff up from Titanic, which is 2 miles under water) to clear away debris from the leak, then bring in the biggest, heaviest slabs of concrete man can create and just drop them on the hole. Smash that sucker flat so nothing can ever escape.

I’m guessing they haven’t tried anything so straightforward and simple because it would 1) be a permanent fix, and 2) look so easy, people would be asking, “Why didn’t you do that a MONTH ago?”


19 Responses to Could the Gulf Get Any Slimier Than BP?

  1. Joanaroo says:

    Well, Yul, Monty Python had some inkling of a use for this animation-you know the big foot in the title pictures? Why not make a huge concrete foot and smash that sucker with it? Would be fine with me if the BP wankers would be under it too. I’m sure the Pythoners would like that idea and hope they think their oil-farmer countrymen are wankers too.

  2. catsworking says:

    Joanaroo, I like the Monty Python foot idea! I was just checking on the leak and they say the top kill is working so far, but they haven’t poured in the concrete yet. Maybe while they’re working on that phase, they can make a few booties for some of the BP brass and throw them in at the end, like cherries on top.

  3. Zappa says:

    Hi Yul!
    You seem to have come up with a very straight forward direct way to sddress this tragedy.We cats can manage to get a bug off of a 12 ft ceiling and a toy from under a refrigerator.Why don’t you offer your consulting services to BP?


  4. C from Florida says:

    As north Floridians living on the Gulf Coast we are very concerned about the spill. Re: supertankers- I heard that the ones around the area are sitting off shore near the refineries waiting for the price per barrel to rise before they offload their cargo. So, there aren’t any empty ones. Whatcha think?

  5. catsworking says:

    Welcome, C! What you’re telling me about supertankers doesn’t surprise me at all. I don’t think there’s any depravity that corporations will pass up in the name of profit. And the sooner Obama learns that, the better off he and everyone else will be.

    The Bloomberg article I just read and linked to in today’s post, offering numerous methods of cleanup and offers of substantial help from several countries, which BP and Obama have both blown off, made my kitty blood boil.

    Zappa, I’m hoping somebody at BP is Googling themselves and finds my posts.

  6. catsworking says:

    The other thing that makes me wonder is, why are gas prices going DOWN right now when millions of barrels of oil are spilling into the Gulf? And why goes BP seem to be so unconcerned about salvaging any of it?

    In the past, if anybody in Saudi Arabia got a hangnail, gas prices rose on the hint that production might be affected. Yet now it’s being affected in a HUGE way. I think today’s price serve as proof that the gouging they’ve done in the past was just that — gouging for profit with no basis in supply and demand.

    The oil companies are probably keeping prices down to keep Americans from descending on their headquarters with flaming torches, especially with the crazy Tea Party contingent. All they need is for Sarah, Glenn, or Rush to give the word.

  7. MorganLF says:

    This is making me so angry I can’t come up with a reasonable response. There was ample reason to believe this well was in danger. 60 Minutes did a piece on it.

    The President and Executive Board of BP not only need to donate their bonuses & ample salaries to efforts to stop the damage being done to the locals and very fragile Gulf eco-systems they also need to be strung up by their balls.

  8. Joanaroo says:

    Morgan, I love the idea in your last sentence! Yul, I saw a report from Abu Dhabi, where they have a team of oil emergency pros on hand in 10 minutes notice to work on spills. That is what the oil industry here should have been required to have set up before any drilling was even done. The guys on the team thought they’d be coming over here to work. If Obama and BP turned them down, they are freaking nuts!

  9. Joanaroo says:

    Well, Yul, I would personally love to get ahold of Tony Hayward and smack him upside the head! I don’t like that smarmy little wanker and he showed his total ignorance to the fishermen who are getting sick cleaning up his goddamn mess, working for piss-poor wages-in other words, getting screwed twice. On an early morning show he was asked if the chemicals were making the workers sick and he had the bollocks to say : The beaches are cleaning up good. then I think it may be food poisoning. Hey, Tony, f**k you and your Royal Majesty you rode in on!

  10. Joanaroo says:

    Hi Yul! Just wondering if you had watched any CNN (Cat News Network) today? Abbysinian Cooper has been on alot today and he showed some totally heartbreaking pictures of oil-soaked birds in a box that were rescued and on the way to the cleaning center they sat up. The poor things could hardly breathe. I read there was someone who showed a reporter a dolphin that was decaying and when he turned it upside down, oil poured out of it. It’s just totally maddening.

  11. Joanaroo says:

    And Yul, I don’t know if you’ve seen the PR BS that Tony, BP’s limey British Pisshead has running now, but AC said the Buttf**k Prat spent $50 million on ads saying BP will *make things right again* and has hired 27 former US government buttkissers as lobbyists. As AC said, $50 million that could go to the fishermen who may NEVER fish in the Gulf again! I’d like to get my hands on that Bloody Peabrained ass – actually I’d like to see him go in front of a firing squad!

  12. catsworking says:

    Joanaroo, we can’t watch any more footage of animals coated in oil suffering and dying. But if somebody wanted to throw a bunch of BP execs into the slimy drink so they could marinate around until they suffocate, we’d sell tickets to it.

    I haven’t seen anything on Tony Hayward’s despicable backroom activities, but I did see where he told some people that nobody wants to see the spill get cleaned up more than he because he “wants his life back.” I also saw where he may have plenty of time to do that soon because BP’s board is probably going to kick him to the curb.

    Obama told Larry King that he’s “furious” about what’s going on, but that venting won’t help anything, which is somewhat true. But as long as he sits around LOOKING like it’s not really bothering him, BP is probably thinking it’s not such a big deal. I heard Obama’s headed back to Louisiana today, and I hope he sticks around a while this time.

    Watching all the little local officials on TV begging people not to cancel their vacations because the oil is headed for so many beaches reminds me of the scenes in Jaws where the mayor of Amity insists on keeping the beaches open.

  13. MorganLF says:


  14. Adele says:

    I’m with you Morgan! And Yul, I’ll help sell tickets if they start to throw those BP execs and lobbyists into the oily sludge — and I’d happily stand just out of reach, holding a bottle of Dawn, refusing to use it to clean them up.

  15. catsworking says:

    Adele and Morgan, I’m surprised that there hasn’t been any violence committed against BP people in Louisiana. I guess those guys are just too slippery for anybody to catch.

  16. Joanaroo says:

    Hi Yul! Yup, Tony H. said that crap about wanting his life back and due to a firestorm of criticism, he did issue an apology. He does say he’s sorry in the ad I mentioned but as soon as it comes on TV I go Bullshit! and change the channel. Last I saw on CNN, Obama was talking to Ma and Pa business owners and fishermen, but he should’ve done that first trip down.

  17. Adele says:

    Just got an email from a cousin, who lives in New Orleans; he says as bad as we think the Gulf situation is, it’s probably worse. The entire fishing industry there may be wiped out for generations. I must ask him if there’ve been any demonstrations. Yul, he says since he’s right there, if someone can round up BP execs and political collaborators, he’s be happy to toss them in the gulf.

    I think petroleum is pretty poisonous, so I’d also like to see them forcefed tainted seafood.

  18. catsworking says:

    A company fish fry for BP is a great idea! Haul in a nice fresh catch, cook it right in the crude that coats it, and make those execs eat every bite. They’re still trying to figure out the long-term effects on humans of being around and ingesting oil. it’s only fair that the people who put it out there become the first guinea pigs.

  19. Joanaroo says:

    Just heard on AC 360 that if you go to Google or Yahoo! and type in Oil Spill, the first search result you’ll get is a BP site claiming what a good job they are doing. How? Because BP paid to be listed first under that subject. What a f**king bunch of egotistical bastards!

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