Arizona Scandinavians Should Worry

By Cole

Arizona’s new “reasonable suspicion” law to crack down on illegal immigrants spawned protests all over the country this weekend, even though Arizona governor Jan Brewer disingenuously claimed after signing the bill that she doesn’t even know what an illegal immigrant looks like.

Since about 30% of Arizona’s population is Hispanic, we’re supposed to believe the governor can’t tell a Mexican from a Swede.

The only way police can possibly deflect accusations that they’re picking on Mexicans in droves is to do the opposite.

So, all you blond-haired, blue-eyed Nordic types, make sure your papers are in order because the authorities will be gunning for you. Maybe you should laminate your documents and wear them around your necks like rabies tags.

And I’d stay away from that IKEA in Tempe. They must know it’s a hub for your kind and may organize a sting to send you packing, along with your streamlined, highly functional furniture.

Almost as if addicted to scorn, Arizona is also working on a “birther” law that requires presidential candidates to provide proof of citizenship to get on the state’s ballot. Arizona apparently doesn’t recognize Hawaii as a state, and they’re determined to shut out Obama in 2012.

To avoid potential legal challenges asserting Hawaii’s statehood, I suggest amending the legislation to require all candidates to come from states not separated from Arizona by water.

John McCain must be bursting with pride that Arizona has gone rogue. All he needs is a few more visits by Sarah Palin and his re-election by a plurality of paranoid bigots in November should be in the bag.

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20 Responses to Arizona Scandinavians Should Worry

  1. Adele says:

    Ah, an immigration raid at Ikea — I’d love to see it. Cole, I’m sure, being a black cat, you’ve considered the profiling that is the scourge of you and your brethren. Using this reverse psychology, I imagine you’d like to see all Adele-like cats be forced to produce their papers. Or maybe just calicos.

  2. Zappa says:

    Hi Cole

    Did anyone point out that Alaska is separated from the mainland US by several hundred miles of a foreign country? Oh well,I’m just a cat,staring out the window…..

    Zappa

  3. catsworking says:

    Zappa, I did think about Alaska and, you’re right, it would only be fair for Arizona to include a “foreign soil barrier” exclusion if they’re that particular about who they want on their ballot.

    Adele, Yul and I are sensitive to this issue since we were victims of profiling in the joint when all the cute little calicos and tabbies and, yes, even pure whites, around us were being adopted and we weren’t. But in this case, we think the Mexicans would really appreciate being ignored while watching the cops go after tall blonds.

  4. Zappa says:

    I so get it!! I’m black and white,so it’s a constant barrage of the “are you a black cat with white paws?” or “are you a white cat with black ears?” Why must Humans always pigeon-hole (dare I say profile?)?

    Zappa

  5. catsworking says:

    Zappa, I hear you. The toes on my back feet (I make that distinction only for humans, since I consider the back ones my ONLY feet. The appendages in front are my arms) are white, and I have a white patch on my tummy, so the vet classified me as a “tuxedo.” Karen protested, saying my coloring is really too casual to be considered a tuxedo. The vet’s compromise was to call me a “leisure suit.” I’m not kidding.

  6. Zappa says:

    Be proud!! I am a Tuxedo and I shout it from the furniture tops!

    Zappa

  7. catsworking says:

    Yul’s got a distinct white triangle at his throat, some white in each arm/legpit, and a patch of white on his belly, but because all his feet are black, he’s never been called anything but a black cat.

    It’s funny how white specifically on the toes constitutes a game-changer. But I still think of myself as black.

    I was reading an article in Cat Fancy magazine yesterday that said white cats are really some other color that’s masked by the white gene, so now I’m wondering what Adele really looks like. The article said she may have had a patch of her true color on her somewhere as a kitten, or maybe she’s got some skin that’s her real color, but Karen says she’s never seen anything but pink and white, and Adele won’t let me pluck her to see if I can find out.

  8. Adele says:

    Cole, Alice is kind of a tuxedo tabby; where a true tuxedo would be black, she’s tabby colored, but where a tuxedo would be white, she’s also white. I guess rather than being dressed formally, we could say she’s wearing tweeds. Interestingly, where her hair is white, her skin is pink, but the skin on her tabby parts is darker. She identifies with cats of all colors.

    Good idea not to pluck Adele — that will do nothing good for your relationship.

  9. catsworking says:

    Shaving Adele would be a lot faster, but I know she’d never sit still to let me do her bikini area.

    Adele says if you give Alice some pearls, she would look very Chanel in her tweeds.

  10. MorganLF says:

    Gee what a lovely destination for a tea bagging fest!. The dry heat, Route 66, the Grand Canyon, the Beaner baiting!

  11. Deb says:

    Hi Cole.

    I think the Arizona police need to look out for stray Canadians too. We know how dangerous they are with the hockey sticks.

    Definitely would not want to visit their state. I don’t normally walk around with my passport and have not intention of starting now.

    Cheers.
    Deb

  12. catsworking says:

    Deb, you are so right. Canadians look innocent enough, but you never know when they’ll turn on you. Better to be safe than sorry.

    None of us has ever been to Arizona, either, but we cats think a state that’s a litterbox as far as the eye can see in every direction (on many levels, as it turns out) could be interesting — if Yul and I weren’t black. We don’t have pussports and are not in the habit of wearing our rabies tags because we don’t want to look girly.

  13. Deb says:

    Speaking of Canadians–you know the Sphinx breed is from Toronto. They definitely look alien.

  14. MorganLF says:

    Deb,

    As do most Canadians…..

  15. catsworking says:

    Morgan, I think Canadians are deceptively human-looking. In fact, a lot of them ARE human. Karen says she knows some very nice Canadian women.

  16. Joanaroo says:

    Does this mean in Arizona that the Guvner can deport you for carrying a copy of ‘Lake Wobegon Days’, or listening to ‘A Prairie Home Companion’? Or if you have lutefisk on your breath? Or vote Democratic? She is a redneck if she thinks ‘Well, dang, they all look the same!’.

  17. Imabear says:

    We hate discrimination. Our 3 babies are all black – usually at the back of the line for adoptions. Princess was at the rescue shelter for 4 years!!! Our adoption anniversary is coming up (4 years) so she’ll have been with us half her life. As for AZ, I guess I’ll stay away; I’m a big Garrison Keiller fan….

  18. catsworking says:

    Joanaroo, Garrison Keillor would do well to steer clear of Arizona until they get their immigration mess sorted out. I could see them deporting him just to make an example of him, turning a deaf ear to his screams of, “I was BORN HERE, you ignorant yahoos!”

  19. catsworking says:

    Imabear, my 1-year anniversary with Cats Working comes up on June 2, which means I have spent 25% of my life here. I was in the shelter until I was 3. Princess and I were lucky cats. Many more who were much older than us are still there. And some of them aren’t even black!

  20. Imabear says:

    Catsworking – I think you’re right about Garrison. He’s well known for his disdain of Republicans. He should steer clear of AZ.

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