Dancing With WHAT Stars?

By Karen

DWTS needs to be either renamed or canceled. There isn’t one “star” among the latest contestants. Where’s OctoMom when you need her?

I was a ballroom dancer and love watching it, but DWTS is like video Hamburger Helper — one good hour stretched into 3 or 4 lousy ones with banter, backstory, and commercials.

The only small mercy of Season 10 is that Tom Bergeron’s sidekick, Samantha Harris, is leaving to pursue her journalism career. Yeah, right. She’s such an incisive interviewer.

And then there’s bad music. Ballroom and rock don’t mix. Period. Ever notice how contestants headed for elimination get garbage songs so the judges can ream them for straying from the non-existent beat?

It was great to watch John O’Hurley actually learn to dance. Or George Hamilton pretend he was learning. Even Jerry Springer was surprisingly engaging. But my interest has waned steadily as the contestants ever more strongly reek with the stench of the bottom of the barrel.

I’ve never seen any of the current crop dance, but I predict (in no particular order):

Among the first to go…

Buzz Aldrin, the obligatory geezer. Pamela Anderson, the token middle-aged bimbo. Football player Chad Ochocinco, whose grace on the field won’t translate.

Kate Gosselin will deserve to go early, but be kept around too long, as always. Her kids will figure in her backstory every week, lest we forget she’s a devoted mother who will do anything to support her darlings.

The second wave of rejects will include…

That has-been’s has-been Shannen Doherty. The packrats’ pal and utterly annoying Niecy Nash. And, at last, Kate.

It’ll come down to the 2 Pretty Boys (soap star Aiden Turner and former Bachelor Jake Pavelka), and only one of the Pretty Women will make the top 4: Erin Andrews or Nicole Sherzinger. They need someone who looks good in skimpy costumes.

Then Jake will be eliminated, and the final 3 will be Aiden vs. Olympic skater Evan Lysacek vs. one of the women.

If Evan has a tall partner, my money’s on him to win because he’ll cut an elegant figure in the smooth dances and charm Len, and Bruno will have the hots for him. Besides, Olympians have an edge, with 3 already winners (Apolo Anton Ohno, Kristi Yamaguchi, and Shawn Johnson).

From winning gold in the Olympics to rising to the top of mediocrity. Some achievement.

NOTE: I found this poll after drafting this post. Check out how the rest of TV Land stacks up against my predictions.

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2 Responses to Dancing With WHAT Stars?

  1. Zappa says:

    Waaaaiiiit foooorrrr iiiiitttt….Pam Anderson just had a wardrobe malfunction!! Censors!!

    Zappa’s mom

  2. catsworking says:

    Zappa’s mom, you are so right about that. Coming to TV screens all over America.

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