Janet Napolitano Needs to GO

By Yul

Now Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano has blessed the TSA to read palms. Under the fancy name of “Explosive Trace Detection,” or ETD, they’re swabbing random passengers’ hands to see who forgot to wash after playing with bombs.

How many shoe bombs have they found since they made everybody remove their shoes? NONE.

Combustible jackets? NONE.

Exploding laptop computers? NONE.

Incendiary lip gloss? NONE.

In January, Karen, traveling with her parents, was subjected to the naked body scan “at random” in the Richmond airport. Random my phantom tail! The woman wears a DD bra. You know they singled her out hoping she’s an A cup trying to smuggle cannonballs onto the plane.

They found no explosives, but the guy watching the scanner got his big jugs fix.

Yet it’s OK for passengers to stuff their checked luggage with guns, sabers, and meat cleavers. The TSA doesn’t give a damn what murder and mayhem people intend to commit at their destination.

Karen’s father has an implanted heart device that TSA agents could easily feel under his skin. Yet they subjected this 70+-year-old man to the naked scan, wanding, frisking, and even feeling the bottom of his stockinged feet.

What’s the thinking there? He’s got a bum ticker so he’ll probably want to skip his vacation and blow up the plane?

Instead of honestly evaluating and discontinuing their pointless procedures, Napolitano just keeps piling on more layers of bullshit. What next, Janet? Armpit sniffing gerbils?

Having a “Heckuva job, Janet!” moment, Obama earmarked $39 million to buy more ETD devices, on top of $15 million already spent.

Obama, do you remember where you buried your common sense? It’s probably near the finger you refuse to point and the blame you never assign. Rather than buying her more new toys, you need to fire Janet Napolitano NOW and appoint someone who’s serious about finding real threats.

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6 Responses to Janet Napolitano Needs to GO

  1. Yul, I think you may be onto something. When I traveled internationally (that’s right, I’m the only cat in the Wormald family to have done so, so I know what I’m talking about), I was ripped from my mother’s arms, removed from my carrier and groped! I was reunited with my pink kitty carrier and my mother only at the gate–moments before the plane boarded. Imagine my anxiety level when I thought that I may be left behind in Heathrow Airport. I’m still in counseling.

  2. catsworking says:

    Noel, that is a chilling story. First they grope Grandpa, then innocent kitties. Their depravity knows no bounds. Lucky for them you’ve been declawed. If some stranger had tried to violate me like that, he’d be carrying his eyeballs around today in a little jar.

  3. Adele says:

    Yul, I had no idea that Karen and your gramps were submitted to such airport humiliation. I just flew to Arizona, and expected Chicago’s O’Hare airport to be a nightmare, but going through security was a breeze; I don’t think I saw anyone molested in any way. Your cousin Noel’s story is a nightmare. My only experience of flying with cats has been domestic; for two years, I accompanied my friend, Laura and her two cats to Arizona, and we had to take the cats out of their carriers and carry them through the metal detectors, but then we put them right back in the sherpa bags and went on to the gate.

  4. catsworking says:

    Adele, taking cats out of their carriers in a crowded airport for ANY reason is a recipe for disaster. What is the TSA thinking?

    Oh, yeah. Dumb question. They DON’T think.

    Any cat could get spooked and bolt out of someone’s arms. Karen makes me wear a harness to go to the vet’s, and I’ve been there plenty of times before. In a strange airport, I’d take a leap straight for the neck of the TSA agent fondling Karen or Grampa!

    And security to get on the cruise ship wasn’t much better. Grandma had to lift her shirt and show her naked belly to some screener because Grandma kept setting off the wand. The idiot could SEE there were metal studs on Grandma’s pants that were probably causing it.

  5. Adele says:

    According to the TSA, cats need to be taken out of their carriers before the carriers go through x-ray, lest the x-rays harm their delicate kitty systems. Makes you not plan on flying any time soon, huh. At least on a domestic flight the cats were always with us; the story of your cousin, Noel, having her own TSA screener, separate from your aunt, is really creepy.

  6. catsworking says:

    X-RAY!!! You mean they don’t let you just carry the cat in the carrier through the metal detector? How would that be any less thorough than the x-ray? No way anybody’s putting me on a conveyor belt!

    This reminds me of a story we did a while back on a kitty who crawled into his owner’s suitcase and flew almost cross-country. Surely, the screener of the checked baggage should have seen a kitty skeleton in the suitcase, but I guess it’s OK to pack skeletons, so the bag wasn’t opened.

    Then the cat had the misfortune to have his suitcase claimed by the WRONG passenger, who got the scare of his life when he opened it and the cat jumped out.

    I think the TSA is highly irresponsible separating pets from their owners for screening. So many horror stories of dogs and cats escaping their carriers in airports, never to be seen again. Yet the yo-yo inspectors think they can handle and control a strange, spooked animal.

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