Happy Birthday, Sarah Palin

By Adele

Sarah Palin turns 46 today, proving beyond a doubt that wisdom doesn’t come with age.

Unless you write your wisdom on your hand.

The scary part is that everything she knows FITS on her hand. (Photo - Ed Reinke/AP)

Palin began celebrating early — on February 6 in Nashville — with a $100,000 gift to herself for speaking at the first Tea Party convention, a for-profit event that charged $549 a head, and $349 just to hear Palin.

She was introduced by Andrew Breitbart, the founder of BigGovernment.com who embodied the group’s cluelessness by describing Palin as “the first person to tell us about the death panel.”

Reportedly, the crowd cheered, probably thinking they’d just shelled out hundreds of bucks to hear Palin debut another original fairytale.

Instead, she delivered a rousing speech utterly devoid of fact but full of witty zingers on Obama, describing him as “a charismatic guy with a teleprompter,” and asking, “How’s that hope-y, change-y stuff workin’ out for ya?”

Palin has claimed her $100K is “going back into the cause,” but characteristically failed to give specifics. I’d bet my treats the “cause” she’s eying is SarahPAC, counting on the Tea Party to draft her as their presidential candidate for 2012.

If you still need convincing of Palin’s innate emptyheadedness, read her recent opinion piece in USA Today. I dare you to find one substantive idea in it. Instead, she says things like…

“We want a government worthy of the fine Americans that it serves.”

What the hell does THAT mean? Which fine Americans? The ones so mentally bankrupt they think forking over $349-549 to listen to vacuous blather is wise spending?

Fortunately, the latest polls show 71% still don’t think Palin is qualified to be president, so she still has a long way to go in fooling all of the people all of the time.

But I think Stephen Colbert described Palin best. And people cheered.

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18 Responses to Happy Birthday, Sarah Palin

  1. Adele says:

    Adele, I’m sure S.P. is very touched by your birthday greeting. Somehow, I can’t imagine that she’s a cat person — she only likes animals she can shoot. And not to be too human-y (I’d say catty, but I’m mindful of the company I keep), but the McCain people styled her better than her current stylist (if she has one). The hair is looking a little trailer-trashy.

  2. Noel Wormald says:

    Colbert’s “satiric” use of the R-word was far better than Limbaugh’s “satiric” use of the R-word because Palin, in many ways, typifies the R-word in its most satiric sense–certainly more than the Democrats Limbaugh lambasted. Imagine making fun of a teleprompter when you have Sharpie all over your left hand! She slays me.

  3. catsworking says:

    Adele, I’m not aware that Palin has any pets. What pet would stick around with her, knowing it could end up on the dinner table? And contrary to what we’ve read about her being surrounded by new “handlers,” I don’t think Palin has anybody advising her but yes-men who just tell her whatever lamebrained thing she wants to do is just wonderful. They learned their lesson from the way McCain’s staff was treated.

    Hence, the Sharpie on the hand and the big hair. I think if she thought she could make a buck and it would entertain the Tea Party twits, Palin would mud-wrestle with Tonya Harding.

    Noel, Palin gives new meaning to the term “palm pilot.” What’s so hilarious about the stuff she wrote on her hand is that it’s so OBVIOUS! If she still can’t remember 3 simple things she’s been harping on every day since McCain plucked her out of obscurity, she’s way past the R-word.

  4. catsworking says:

    Welcome, Robert! Your post was priceless. Thanks!

  5. Suzanne Schaefer says:

    Adele, my dear feline friend, you have once again drilled a vile nail into Sarah Palin’s pointy little fat head! You are my new hero–bonus kitty treats for you! I hope you are also using roofing nails or your jagged claws to rip the face off of “Sarah the Beautiful–Queen of God’s Party” because if she ain’t perty no more, she won’t get votes in 2012 because she’d be so ugly not one disgusting, pathetic, block-headed white male in America would vote for her…If Obama doesn’t serve a second term, perhaps “Hillary the Horribly Ugly” Sec of State can take the wheel and reign supreme…Let’s face it, pretty women rock and average, nice-looking middle-aged women suck…Just take a peek at that worn-out, dusty Constitution and see how ugly suffragette women should be treated…Jumping off the Memorial Bridge in honor of Nailin’ Palin Day! Thanks! Suzanne

  6. catsworking says:

    Hi, Suzanne! What can I say, great minds think alike, even if one of us is a cat.

    I think you’re right about Palin not having a snowball’s chance in hell of getting a nomination if she were ugly. As it is, I don’t really know what men see in her. She could be mistaken for the librarian of a rural Bookmobile if there were any evidence that she could recognize a book if she saw one.

    I’d never thought of the possibility of Hillary stepping in as the 2012 candidate if Obama goes down in flames, which he seems determined to do. Oooh, it gives me chills. The cred Hil’s building now as secretary of state could be just the secret ingredient she needs to pull it off. Wouldn’t you just love to see Hillary debate Palin? Talk about a cat-fight.

    Sarah would come on stage asking in her folksy, demeaning way, “Do you mind if I call you Hill?”

    “Sure,” Hillary would reply, “If you don’t mind if I call you Hillbilly.”

    Then, without ever showing a blade, Hillary would verbally disembowel that idiot right in front of her drooling, mouth-breathing worshippers, like making a human sacrifice to their god of stupidity.

  7. JoanToast says:

    Obama has already gone down in flames. Real hope is already here and BIG change is coming this year in November and in 2012…and it won’t include Hillary LOL!

  8. catsworking says:

    Hi, Joan! You’re right. Obama has gone down in flames because he grossly underestimated how childish Republicans can be. I’m sure he never dreamed they’d actually sacrifice the future well-being of the country just to bring him down.

    And the BIG change you’re talking about is a BIG STEP BACKWARD. Woo hoo! What an “accomplishment” to gloat about!

    The mid-term elections are shaping up to be a blood-bath for Democrats, and they have no one to blame but themselves. Instead of taking a page from the Republican playbook and ramming reforms through while they could, they tried to play nice and make deals with EVERYBODY and in the end pleased NOBODY.

    If Obama ends up with a Republican majority in Congress that spitefully turns him into a lame duck for the next 3 years, don’t be surprised if Hillary doesn’t come roaring back for 2012. With the foreign policy experience she’s gained as Secretary of State, AND her nerd-like ability to learn, retain, and express FACTS AND FIGURES, she’d mop the floor with Palin and her Sharpie-covered hand in one debate and send her whimpering back to Wasilla.

  9. JoanToast says:

    You’re right to acknowledge the fact that Obama could have (and still can) get anything passed his little progressive heart desires if only his own party, the democrats, would fall in line.

    As for the spiteful bit (and he would only be a lame duck for two years, but maybe you’re right…he already is a lame duck)…did it ever occur to you that some in Congress actually act on principle and may even believe in the constitution? I hope in November we elect more of them!

    I am not at all surprised that you take the positions you do….all this truly sick obsession with Tony Bourdain is a clue. Get a grip. Stop trying to live vicariously through Hillary…you’re only setting yourself up for a big letdown. Smell the coffee. Taste reality. Get a life.

  10. catsworking says:

    Joan, I’m not sure what exactly has your knickers in such a knot. I basically agreed with you, and I’d love to see every double-dealing bum in BOTH parties voted out in the next election. I just don’t think rolling back progress is productive. In the end, it never works. If it did, we’d still have prohibition, women wouldn’t be allowed to vote, and people would still own slaves, to name just a few things.

    As for Bourdain, you’ll have to take that up with Karen. She provides a weekly report on his activities because the blog numbers indicate there’s an interest, so she’s giving readers what they want. I guess by your definition, that makes daily newspapers “sickly obsessed” with current events.

    And I’m still trying to get my head around the concept of a cat living vicariously through Hillary. I should think it would be the other way around. Cats have it much easier!

  11. Tuxi says:

    Oh, good Lord! Karen, please don’t get my mom Joanaroo confused with this “Joan Toast”. Geebus, for one thing Mom wouldn’t take a name like that, Mom is a Liberal in capital letter and proud of it, and if Mom betrayed her Democat leanings, I’d get out our touch-up cat hair clippers and trim off her eyebrows while she’s sleeping!

  12. Joanaroo says:

    Thanks, Tuxi! If this Joan is referring to Rethuglicans, then I want to know how these so-called Christians with so-called family values can be against everthing the Dems have been trying to do to help families! And I blame the Dems too for their wuss crap of having Rethuglican thinking against what Dems are supposed to stand for, the traitors! Dubya got his own way being partisan and went against the Constitution!

  13. Joanaroo says:

    And not to mention putting us in 2 costly wars in terms of lives and money, and one by lying about WMDs and then the Rethugs have the gall to say that Obama drove up the deficit! The Rethugs were the ones who encouraged deregulation which f#####d up the economy, and also the Bushy-Buddy Tax Cuts that went to the Top 1% money makers and the Rethugs want to keep on having them! No thank you!

  14. Joanaroo says:

    Now that I’m on a roll – the Rethuglican friends of the health insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies are rolling in dough while not doing a damn thing to help Ma and Pa American Citizen who may be under- or un-insured and dying by the thousands each year while the GOP cries “socialism”. Wait until the Tea Party people lose their jobs and health coverage and then we’ll see if the money-not-God worshipping GOP does anything!

  15. catsworking says:

    We caught a rerun of the Daily Show last night where reporter John Oliver followed the Repubs to HAWAII for their convention. He found it a strange destination, since they’re always saying Hawaiian-born Obama is too “foreign” and “out of touch,” coming from such an “exotic” and “unAmerican” place as Hawaii.

    He talked to quite a few of the delegates, and could not get a single one to connect the dots between their cries for “fiscal responsibility” and the total IRRESPONSIBILITY of blowing a big wad to convene in Hawaii at a plush resort.

    THEN, Jon Stewart had Newt Gingrich on, and he was equally clueless. But he did say something like the Repubs were trying to show that if you’re fiscally responsible, you, too, might someday afford a trip to Hawaii.

    The hypocrisy and gall is so breathtaking, it’s almost beyond comprehension.

  16. Tuxi says:

    Mom and I like it when the Repugs get caught doing something hypocritical and then they have that look of the deer in the headlights. Like with Mark Sanford, whose wife is saying, “Bye-bye!”. And yes, Dem. John Edwards was just as odious! But the health care issue has Mom’s knickers not only twisted, but over her head and one pair hanging on the car radio antenna!

  17. catsworking says:

    We’re still scratching our heads trying to figure out how Obama managed to botch up health care so bad. The only fitting punishment for everyone in Congress who failed to deliver is to take away THEIR health care and let them fend for themselves on the individual market. Think geezers like Robert Byrd could ever get coverage? Ha, ha!

    And Malia allergies would be a “pre-existing condition” and uninsurable.

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