Coming Out of the Closet

By Yul

Lorenzo is a Maine Coon in Miami with humble beginnings. He was born on Halloween, stuck in a shoebox with his three sisters, and thrown in a trash can. His sisters, sadly, didn’t survive, but Lorenzo was adopted by a writer named Joann Biondi.

Besides living with writers, Lorenzo and I have other things in common. He likes to chase rubber bands. I like to steal rubber bands. He has written on his MySpace page about Obama, my favorite black cat in Washington.

Lorenzo has his own Web site and has been photographed extensively by Biondi while enjoying a peculiar fetish he seems proud of. Seeing him has given me the courage to come out and say…

I like to wear clothes.

At least, I would if I had any.

Karen tried to get me a sweater for Christmas but she couldn’t find one that complemented my rugged good looks. Most of what’s available off the rack for cats is pink and girly. Karen even checked into dog clothes, but they were made like crap.

So I indulge myself with shopping bags. This started years ago when I first put my head through the handle of a bag and realized that it made a dandy Super Kitty cape. I wore it around the house for hours, and then carefully removed it so Karen could fold it for me.

Super Kitty peruses the paper for crimes to avenge.

But what I really want is a real cape. Or a shirt or a jacket. Lorenzo’s clothes are handmade by Mr. Luigi in Tuscany, his personal tailor. I know Karen would never go for that, so if anybody knows where I can find decent duds closer to home, please write and let me know.

11 Responses to Coming Out of the Closet

  1. Zappa says:

    Thank you so much for your brave honesty.It is because of you that I can say that I have proudly experimented with shopping bags in the same manner.I tried to hide it for the longest time and now I feel a weight has lifted from my shoulders.I don’t know where you can get cool kitty clothes,but crawling inside pillow cases is something you could try until Karen finally gives on to the bespoke Italian wardrobe that you deserve.

    My name is Zappa and I,too,am a Maine Coon kitty!

  2. catsworking says:

    Zappa, my love of playing dress-up has been the family’s “dirty little secret” for years.

    I remember once when I was a mere lad, the late Fred kept licking bald spots in his chest fur so Karen got him a black dog T-shirt. He looked fabulous in it and I was green with envy. But he just pulled the armhole aside and kept on licking, so Karen cleaned the fur off the shirt, ironed it, and returned it to the store without thinking to let ME try it on.

    She has been toying with the idea of getting out the sewing machine and whipping something up for me (if she can ever figure out how to thread the machine and get the tension right), but I’m not optimistic. She’s not very mechanical.

    Adele got this furry bag for Christmas that she’s supposed to sleep in, but she hates it. Maybe I’ll give that a try.

  3. Adele says:

    Yul, Alice thinks you look fabulous in the plastic bag cape, but then she thinks you look fabulous all the time. She and I were both moved by your bravery — you’re to be applauded for coming out.

    I have a friend, who is an accomplished seamstress. Tell Karen to measure your neck, around your middle and your length. I’ll give your measurements to my friend, and see if she can make you a cape. Would you want it to fit over your head, like the plastic bag, or would you want it to tie? Alice would be happy to buy the material — we’re thinking that a paisley in rich colors would be quite stunning. Maybe a dark green or deep burgundy lining?

  4. catsworking says:

    OMG, OMG, OMG! Adele, how kind of you and Alice! A custom-made cape just for me! (Cole will never let me hear the end of it, but I don’t care. It’s not like I’m gay… not that there’s anything wrong with that. Right, Lorenzo?)

    Of course, Karen will be happy to reimburse you for any expenses out of sheer gratitude for not having to figure out how to thread the sewing machine.

    We will e-mail you off-line with my measurements and, of course, if the garment does come to pass, I will model it right here.

  5. Zappa says:

    That’s so not gay! Paisley and burgundy? Think Jimmi Hendrix,Prince and Lenny Kravitz(some of the coolest cats ever!!) I can’t wait to see the pics!


  6. Yul, thank you so much for the link to! You look great on the shopping bag cape. Looks like a fashion-week outfit from a 2057 collection. Very cool.


  7. catsworking says:

    Daniela, thank you very much for the compliment. I actually have capes from several establishments with varying amounts of coverage. The one in the picture is my winter favorite.

  8. MorganLF says:

    Dare I say it? Adele can you do something in a chef whites theme and perhaps hand paint a well known skull/chef/knife logo on the fabric a la you know who?

    It would be crazy fabulous…

  9. catsworking says:

    Since I have a reputation for stealing knives out of the sink, I think chef’s whites would be fitting. Oh, Karen! We’re going to need the sewing machine threaded after all…

  10. Adele says:

    Morgan, it’s a friend of mine,who will be Yul’s designer. I hadn’t thought of chef’s whites, but maybe my friend, Ann, could run up a really simple white cape. I could probably embroider the skull with knives logo on the back. I’m going to Tucson for a couple of weeks, but plan to get on this upon my return. I’d throw in an extra bottle of wine for my friend, if she could do 2 capes. A most excellent idea.

  11. Deb says:

    Dear Yul,

    You look great in the shopping bag. Our late kitty Bebe also enjoyed wearing bags. She used to steal shoulder pads back in the 90s. She went to the big box in the sky last November at age 20. Your picture made me smile.

    Good luck with the cape. The chef’s whites is a great idea.


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