Undy Bomber Just “Alleged”? It’s an Outrage!

By Yul

We’ve seen the Tighty-Whitey Bomber’s toasted underwear. His potential victims on Northwest flight 253 have told what they witnessed. Yet Umar Abdulmutallab has become an “alleged” suicide bomber. Why?

Do they think he was packing powder for jock itch? Did that brave Dutch passenger burn his hand extinguishing an imaginary fire in Umar’s crotch?

With Obama’s help, it’s getting more surreal by the minute. Umar appeared in court — with free legal counsel — to plead “not guilty” to six counts that include attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction, attempted murder (nearly 300 times), and willful attempt to destroy or wreck an aircraft.

Worst case, if Umar’s jury isn’t as stupid as the suits running the CIA, TSA, and Homeland Security and he’s accidentally convicted, he’ll be fed, clothed, and housed by American taxpayers for life.

In the meantime, everyone should presume Umar did NOTHING wrong. Bought a one-way ticket with cash, packed no luggage, just planning to see the sights when his underwear spontaneously combusted and he was rudely manhandled by fellow passengers.

Our justice system seems hell-bent on turning this incident into a big comedy of errors. After all, the only serious damage was probably to Umar’s ‘nads. Wasn’t that punishment enough?

Obama says the buck stops with him, so why didn’t he bitch-slap Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano for declaring “the system worked?”

Yeah, if your “system” depends on innocent bystanders because our vast security bureaucracy is too busy feeling up Grandma and ignoring warnings from terrorists’ FATHERS.

Bush and Cheney wanted to kill everybody and hoped they got a few of the bad guys. Obama has swung the pendulum completely the other way.

There’s talk about a plea deal with Umar in hopes he’ll provide information. Why? So they can ignore or bury it until some intrepid journalist uncovers it after the next attack — which may succeed?

Why not just give Umar a talk show and make him a celebrity? I hear Leno’s time slot is opening up. Maybe he’ll book some of his al Qaeda buddies.

What disturbs me most is that Obama sees nothing wrong with bestowing on those who attempt to kill Americans a permanent, worry-free, all-inclusive vacation here.

It’s an open invitation to every other inept terrorist to try it, just for the perks.


24 Responses to Undy Bomber Just “Alleged”? It’s an Outrage!

  1. Adele says:

    Yul, you old firebrand. You make many humorous points, and all your criticism of the various intelligence agencies is completely valid. But we can’t throw out the entire legal system. Yes trying and housing Abdulmutallab will be costly, but we have supermax prisons; there’s nothing vacation-like about them, and Umar won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. The worst thing about this is that with all the info available, he still got on that plane. I think you’re extra feisty because you know Karen will be flying later this month.

    On a humorous note, a writer in Salon.com refers to this incident as “The Underpants of Mass Destruction.”

  2. catsworking says:

    Adele, I don’t think we should throw out the ENTIRE legal system, just regress it back to common sense. We don’t need to chit-chat with that bozo Umar for years in the hope he’ll say something useful.

    Whether or not he tried to blow up the plane is moot. Everybody KNOWS he did. To drag it through the court with lawyers looking for loopholes to get him off like a petty criminal makes a mockery of the system. If ever there were a situation where someone should work this guy over with a rubber hose until there isn’t an unexpressed thought left in his head, and then take him out behind the barn and shoot him, this is it. Case closed.

    Bin Laden must be having a good laugh over this farce. To top it off, Obama’s saying that NOBODY will get fired. Incompetence and failure to communicate on every level, but let’s not point any fingers. God forbid we should replace the morons who let it happen.

    No, let’s throw a few billion more (we don’t have) at scanners and see how else we can inconvenience and humiliate the American flying public.

    I’ll tell ya, Obama is making me wish he were a calico. He’s giving black cats a bad name.

  3. Zappa says:

    Too funny,guys!! You used the words legal system and common sense in the same sentence! The “alleged” furball on the bathroom rug? I am a continual victim of species profiling and no one raises a voice for me! I also am a sticker-bearing member of the ASPCA! Where is the outrage??


  4. Bob says:

    Just something to lighten the mood a little bit:

    Q: Why did Homeland Security in the States arrest the lawn care man who happened to be working on the shady side of the house????

    A: They said he was using Weapons of Moss Destruction.

    Ha Ha Ha

  5. Zappa says:

    You are a rake!

    Zappa’s mom

  6. Bob says:

    I wish I were a rake Zappa’s Mom. But there is wayyy to much snow here for that now.

    I think I am more like a shovel, an overworked shovel.


    PS I love Frank Zappa’s music, did your Mom name you after Him??

  7. catsworking says:

    Zappa, you are so right. Where’s the benefit of the doubt for me when it comes to that lamp that flies off the end table onto the living room floor? Or the knife that crawls out of the kitchen sink and ends up under the fridge? I’m being framed, I tell ya!

  8. Zappa says:

    You guys are being framed! I am willing to bet that Karen doesn’t use the word “alleged” in any feline reference,my Human doesn’t!Speaking of lamps,why do they make the shades so tasty if they don’t want cats chewing on them? Allegedly…..

    Bob,I am a very handsome,tall Tuxedo Maine Coon kitty and I have a black goatee. Might you remember the cover of FZ’s album,”Sheikh Yerbouti”? My mom was reminded of that-she was a mere kitten at the time’of course.


  9. catsworking says:

    Zappa, you sound like my kind of guy. And you’re right. We’re never “alleged” to have done anything, even if Karen shows up long after she hears the crash.

    Since she moved the old kitty perch to the far end of the couch, where it’s now a cake-walk to climb from the couch, I prefer to mount it in a more exciting way — from the end table. This usually means the lamp has to eat dust bunnies because I’m too tall to make the vertical leap without hitting the shade. So far, I’ve ripped the top border off the shade and bent the thing that holds the shade. I know the day is coming when Karen tries to bend it back and destroys the lamp. Then there’s gonna be yelling.

    Cole is also perfecting a new trick where he leaps from the beam across the living room to the crow’s nest of the new kitty perch. It’s really not a long jump, but the sheer height of it (and the fact that the crow’s nest has a hole in it) makes it pretty spectacular to watch. And there’s always the chance the whole perch will tumble over and take out the other lamp.

  10. Zappa says:

    I have to thank you guys for some great new ideas! Same old furniture,lamps,tabletops etc., but a whole new perspective! My old workout routine was so 2009-I’m thinking that 2010 will find me on top of the fridge(a goal for quite some time) I will keep you updated


  11. Adele says:

    I love how this post has turned from a discussion of the underwear bomber and his rights or lack thereof to a discussion of feline justice and feline mischief. Yul, Alice thinks your feats of derring-do should be rewarded, not yelled about, and Zappa, you’re very good at stirring the pot. Hope you make it to the top of the fridge this year. In her youth,Alice was quite the jumper, breaking a few panes of glass in the French doors that separate my living room from my dining room, but now her exercise routine is now just running through the house and playing fetch.

  12. catsworking says:

    Zappa, the fridge? A no-brainer around here, but I usually take the scenic route, which involves a few extra jumps…

    First, onto the stepstool beside the kitchen windowsill. From the windowsill, to the kitchen table, where it’s a short hop across to the stove. Then across the counter (with care not to fall into the sink), up onto the microwave (where I clear off any clutter, just to be helpful), and then to the top of the fridge.

  13. catsworking says:

    Zappa, in fairness to Karen, she usually doesn’t yell unless something gets broken or someone gets hurt. For example, she and I have this little game involving a certain basket that sits on the microwave. It’s full of rubberbands, safety pins, bells off our collars (which we refuse to wear), odd screws, and other bits she finds around the house and doesn’t know where they came from (usually thanks to us). I like to steal rubber bands and put them in the food bowls on the odd chance Cole or Adele will try to eat one and I can practice my Heimlich maneuver.

    Quite often, while searching for just the right rubber band, I inadvertently knock the basket over and Karen finds the kitchen floor covered with the aforementioned junk. But she never yells. She just gathers it all up and puts it right back. You’d think she’d learn not to do that, but…

  14. Zappa says:

    You are inspiring kitties! I do need to try harder for the top of the fridge,It has been very uncatlike of me to allow those fancy bottles of olive oil on top to intimidate me-that ends today!
    My mom has that same basket(glass bowl) of delightful trinkets on top of the microwave as well.It makes for lots of fun,but how have you trained Karen not to yell?


  15. catsworking says:

    Zappa, Karen keeps a big pewter fish platter on top of the fridge, and sometimes there’s just not room for the both of us up there. Did you know that pewter bounces?

    Karen used to yell plenty the last few years Fred was around because he was like a hose with fur, putting out imaginary fires on the living room walls. The living room was a disaster zone, with trash bags taped to the walls. You never knew when you might step into a puddle.

    We all miss Fred, but not the mess he made. After his passing, I guess everything else seems relatively minor to Karen so she has really mellowed on the discipline. And loud noises freak Cole out, so it’s a win-win for us cats.

  16. Tuxi says:

    Wow! You guys have some good cat mischief ideas! Mom has been ill for quite some time with female problems-that a conservative Repub., anti-abortion OB/GYN. (who we swear didn’t want Mom to have a spay and lose any mommy organs), could’ve fixed years ago with the spay Mom needed-who Aunt Terri recommended and Mom uses as blackmail. Anyway-she has plenty of piles of things to knock over.

  17. Tuxi says:

    To finish, Mom came to her senses and found a liberal, black, female OB/GYN she loves like a sister, who knew previous male OB/GYN, and wanted to know WHAT WAS THE MATTER WITH THIS DUDE! And why did he not spay! So Mom had periods for months and he only gave her Depo-Provera which made her gain over 100 pounds. And so she has old mail and things to go thru and we knock it over and play in it!

  18. Tuxi says:

    In her defense, Aunt Terri claims she did not know said male OB/GYN was anti-hysterectomy and abortion until he left said hospital. But Mom didn’t want an abortion-she wanted to stop the periods and he had the gall/stupidity to ask her:”Don’t you WANT to HAVE a period?”. So Mom is going to ask Dr. Brown to send the uterus to this guy after the spay and say he can now have one!

  19. catsworking says:

    What would humans do without us? Their houses would be clean and orderly and totally boring.

    I sometimes remind Karen the junk mail she leaves sitting on the kitchen table is piling up by pushing it all to the floor. There’s nothing like making her skid into the wall on a credit card offer to get her to open and recycle all that crap and get it out of my way.

  20. Tuxi says:

    Sorry! Mom and I need to get this off our chests and I have to write separate entries since the mobile web only allows you to write so much in so much time before you have to enter it again. Anyway it’s frustrating since Mom has had this problem since before moving here in 1999 and after 2 moron male OB/GYNs, she wishes she had originally gone to Dr. Brown.

  21. Tuxi says:

    Yes! That’s just what we love to do! Aunt Terri is much worse than Mom, so Mom is mostly downstairs and all she needs is a fridge and microwave and it would be like an apartment. We live in a bi-level with loads of room and no human kids so we are spoiled rotten! Mom holds the OB/GYN over Aunt Terri’s head because said Aunt has mail piled on top of the dining room table and Mom wants to use it!

  22. Tuxi says:

    So when we go upstairs we like to go up and some of us get on the dining room table and do feline slalom and ski jumping off the table! “FOOMP!” goes the junk mail and magazines and the louder the better! Some of us have gotten really good at it! When Mom is downstairs and hears it, she can’t help but snicker and giggle! Even when Aunt Terri says, “Oh, (cat’s name)!”.

  23. Tuxi says:

    And Mom has always told Aunt Terri, “If you have to pile up stuff, always put the largest items on the bottom and the smallest on top!”. Unfortunately said Aunt has feline attributes:stubborness and selective listening! You know how that is! So of course we cats take advantage of weak construction of said piles! =)

  24. catsworking says:

    Tuxi, stop it! You’re killing me! I’m laughing so hard a Pounce just popped out of my nose and that hurts!

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