“Profiling” is Not a 4-Letter Word

By Yul

Inept “Tighty-Whitey Bomber” Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab is lucky he didn’t try to blow up a plane full of cats. Rather than being escorted to First Class, he’d have remained in Coach, a hunk of bleeding meat with a smoldering crotch and his eyeballs rolling down the aisle.

When faced with such a threat, a cat’s instinctive reaction is, “Shred now, ask questions — never.”

But thanks to the kindness of human strangers who did American taxpayers no favor by not snapping this punk’s neck, Umar is sitting in a nice cell, getting 3 squares and his burned nether regions tended to, while the wheels of justice spin aimlessly.

Meanwhile, in airports worldwide, innocent people are being stripped of their possessions and dignity to ensure they’re not the next Umar.

Airlines almost banned carry-on bags — like they need more checked bags to damage or lose. Some flights were making everybody sit still and idle in their seats for the last hour, like zombies.

They’re one small step away from declaring airports nude zones, banning luggage altogether and making everybody fly naked. Or, for maximum security, flying the planes EMPTY.

I’ve been watching sheeple on TV who are willing to tolerate any delay (“To avoid missing your flight, arrive the night before and sleep on the floor at the security checkpoint.”) or any indignity (“Spread ‘em, Grandma!”) to make flying safer.

To that I say, “Hairballs!” Enough’s enough. You’re missing the point.

Airlines and TSA, review the rogues’ gallery of past terrorists. Is there one woman, child, infant, or guy named Joe Smith among them?

Instead of worrying about offending nut jobs by singling them out, the only sensible way to deal with them is to profile like mad, and don’t stop with strip searches. Probe EVERY orifice.

Maybe if the next terrorist wannabe knows for certain that a Doberman will fixate on his naked crotch while a burly security agent named Bubba jams a broomstick up his ass, he’ll just stay home.

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10 Responses to “Profiling” is Not a 4-Letter Word

  1. MorganLF says:

    My sentiments exactly. Flying has become so tedious because these douche bags too weak to fight a real “war” like real men turn our own transportation system into sinister weapons.

    Religious Fanatics, who for the most part are illiterate of anything other than the indoctrination which they are force fed from birth. Raised as they are to be missiles of hate, they don’t even realize how expendable they are deemed. So I fly less.

    Too bad if profiling offends, its an effective tool. I have no fear of it.

  2. catsworking says:

    Morgan, you and Karen have nothing to fear from profiling because I don’t think, in the history of the world, a middle-aged Italian woman has ever been a suicide bomber.

    Karen was telling me how once she was in an airport and saw them frisking this strikingly beautiful black woman who was wearing a jersey tank dress so thin and clingy, she couldn’t even have been wearing underwear or the lines would have shown. Now HOW is someone dressed like that going to be concealing a bomb?

    I heard Sarah Palin saying the “P” word on some show recently, and though I never thought I would ever agree with her on anything, I do on profiling. It’s not like the country has billions to waste on more equipment and manpower to screen every inch of EVERYBODY when we all know who and what they really need to be looking for. This PC stuff is totally out of control.

  3. Bob says:

    Don’t even get me going on being PC.
    Although I don’t really agree with the idea of racial profiling.

    But seriously in practice, how many fat WASP men have you seen that want to take over an aircraft of late.
    It sucks that we have to look at a person of middle eastern decent and wonder if we are going to be safe.

    All of them are up in arms about it, why are you looking at me, is it because I am different.
    Well yes.

    I have nothing against peoples of other skin colours or faiths but when one “Type” of person starts committing acts then unfortunately that whole group gets singled out.

    Time for them to sort out their own house.

    Sad but true

  4. catsworking says:

    Bob, I don’t agree with racial profiling either, if it means stopping a black cat in the street when he isn’t doing anything wrong, but these terrorists have only themselves to blame.

    Why no red flags went up when this guy with NO luggage bought a transatlantic plane ticket with cash, I’ll never understand. And while security was fussing over the size of shampoo bottles, this idiot packing a crotch full of explosive powder waltzed right past them.

    These murderers have established enough of a track record for us to say, “Yeah, we’re going to give you the TWICE-over, and you probably ain’t gonna like it.” Who cares about the feelings and modesty of savages who think everyone else needs to be dead?

    And when enough of the innocent ones get the same scrutiny, then maybe they will stop sitting on their thumbs, playing dumb, and “sort out their own house,” as you say.

  5. Zappa says:

    Allah will reward you in Heaven with 72 virgins if you detonate a bomb placed in your crotch…..

    Zappa’s mom

  6. catsworking says:

    Zappa’s mom, when you put it that way, his whole scheme does seem pointless, doesn’t it? Just goes to show how well these morons think things through — NOT. And I guess nobody with al-Qaida saw fit to bring it up while he was in training.

  7. MorganLF says:

    If the ahem, turban fits…Look if I’m in line with a squirrely bearded,dark, middle-eastern looking man I’m getting out plain & simple.

    None of this is MY doing and yeah my liberal leanings are offended by the practice, but self preservation says f’ that, profile away!!

  8. catsworking says:

    Morgan, what’s making my fur stand on end is watching these Everyman passenger nitwits they keep interviewing on TV saying, “Whatever they have to do to me is fine as long as my plane is safe.”

    So it’s OK for some perv behind a curtain to ogle Granny’s naked body when she randomly gets yanked aside for that second X-ray screening, or for some TSA agent to fondle Baby’s diaper looking for weapons.

    Yup, OK, treat everybody like a terrorist. Make ’em stand in line for hours. Paw through their underwear and touch them in unmentionable places while THAT NERVOUS, SHIFTY-LOOKING GUY WHOSE PASSPORT SAYS HE’S ABDULLAH AL-BOMBO, WHO REFUSES TO MAKE EYE CONTACT, AND WHO HAS NO LUGGAGE TO SEARCH GOES THROUGH THE DETECTOR WALKING FUNNY BECAUSE HIS SHORTS ARE FULL OF EXPLOSIVES!!

  9. MorganLF says:

    Now that made laugh out loud!

  10. Adele says:

    Yul, you’re a caution. Too bad Karen doesn’t let you go out. You might have had a brilliant career in stand-up. I have tears running down my face from laughter.

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