Dogs Better Than Cats? Ha!

By Cole

New Scientist published the results of a clearly biased study concluding that dogs are “better” than cats. I claim bias because they not-so-cleverly chose more categories dogs could take. Here they are:

Brains Cats
Shared history Dogs
Bonding Dogs
Popularity Cats
Understanding Dogs
Problem Solving Dogs
Vocalization Cats
Tractability Dogs
Supersenses Cats
Eco-Friendliness Cats
Utility Dogs

In the end, it’s HUMANS who look bad. If dogs are better, why would people have 204 million pet cats in the top 10 cat-owning countries, compared to only 173 million dogs among dog-lovers?

The U.S. alone, which was No. 1 on both lists, has 76.43 million pet cats compared to 61.08 million dogs.

If scientists counted puddles and piles of poop dogs leave for people to step in, they’d probably conclude that dogs outnumber cats by far.

So where’s Neatness and Hygiene on the list? Cats would win because we don’t think the world’s a bathroom, and we never need baths because we never smell nasty like — dogs.

And how about Good Taste? Unlike some dogs, we don’t consider cat poop a snack.

Discernment? Dogs only seem to bond with humans more readily because cats don’t befriend jerks. Kick a cat and he’ll leave, but a dog keeps coming back for more.

Maturity? You won’t see a cat leaping around and drooling with excitement at the sight of a leash.

Consideration? Cats don’t waste humans’ time letting them teach us undignified tricks like shaking paw, rolling over, or playing dead. We also don’t stoop, with longing gazes full of pain, into guilting humans never to leave the house. Instead, by ignoring their comings and goings, we make them feel confident they won’t be missed.

Cuddlability? If you had to choose between petting a Persian or a pit bull, which would it be?

I rest my case.

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6 Responses to Dogs Better Than Cats? Ha!

  1. Zappa says:

    Hi Cole!
    This is so funny I almost fell out of the litter box!
    My reply would look something like this:

    Dear Scientist

    Yawn

    Signed
    Cats

    Zappa

  2. catsworking says:

    Zappa, I don’t understand why humans are always going to such lengths to prove that dogs are “better” than us, and how self-righteous they seem when they think they’ve found something about dogs to gloat over.

    Why are they so insecure?

    I was just reading that California animals shelters are glutted with chihuahuas after people flocked to adopt them (and breeders went nuts churning them out) after the Legally Blonde and Beverly Hills Chihuahua movies made them look so cute, only to find that they are yappy, paranoid little pains in the butt, nothing like their big-screen counterparts.

  3. Greetings…..Thought you may like to know Cats evolved on 5 planets of our solar system: Venus the Leopard, Mars the Lion, Uranus, the Tiger, Saturn the Cougar, and Neptune the Snow Leopard, as we see today, evolved many years ago into our Pets as we see today. Take care of the Animals,as they will evolve into Man (Universdt) Seasons Greetings! Goddess Irena 1

  4. catsworking says:

    Welcome, Goddess Irena! Interesting information you provided. We at Cats Working are well aware that all cats have heavenly bodies!

  5. Bob says:

    Is it just the time of year, or are you activly recruiting ALL the crazy cat ladies????

    I do agree though that Cats are highly evolved creatures. Once my pair of cats helped me make beer,and it turned out Damm good. Lets see a drooling dog do that!!

    Merry Christmas one and all!!

  6. catsworking says:

    Merry Christmas back at ya, Bob. If cats can make coffee beans taste better, then it just follows that they’d enhance beer as well. We’re not surprised at all.

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