New Scientist published the results of a clearly biased study concluding that dogs are “better” than cats. I claim bias because they not-so-cleverly chose more categories dogs could take. Here they are:
In the end, it’s HUMANS who look bad. If dogs are better, why would people have 204 million pet cats in the top 10 cat-owning countries, compared to only 173 million dogs among dog-lovers?
If scientists counted puddles and piles of poop dogs leave for people to step in, they’d probably conclude that dogs outnumber cats by far.
So where’s Neatness and Hygiene on the list? Cats would win because we don’t think the world’s a bathroom, and we never need baths because we never smell nasty like — dogs.
And how about Good Taste? Unlike some dogs, we don’t consider cat poop a snack.
Discernment? Dogs only seem to bond with humans more readily because cats don’t befriend jerks. Kick a cat and he’ll leave, but a dog keeps coming back for more.
Maturity? You won’t see a cat leaping around and drooling with excitement at the sight of a leash.
Consideration? Cats don’t waste humans’ time letting them teach us undignified tricks like shaking paw, rolling over, or playing dead. We also don’t stoop, with longing gazes full of pain, into guilting humans never to leave the house. Instead, by ignoring their comings and goings, we make them feel confident they won’t be missed.
Cuddlability? If you had to choose between petting a Persian or a pit bull, which would it be?
I rest my case.