By Cole
Being a sports-loving cat can can get you in trouble in Croatia. When a stray cat wandered onto the field of a soccer match (they call it “football”) in Sebenik, the goalie for the visiting Medjimurje Cakovec team, Ivan Banovic, carried it to safety and put it through the fence under the scoreboard.
Then the referee penalized Banovic with a “yellow card” for leaving the field without permission.
I’m wondering what the stupid referee expected the players to do with a cat on the field. Trample it to death, kick it for a goal, or hit it with the soccer ball?
Even though Banovic’s team lost 0-1 to Sebenik, fans cheered for him the rest of the game to register their approval of his kitty kindness.
Maybe some soccer fan can tell me what a yellow card is. Does soccer have different colored cards for different penalties? Do players collect the cards and trade them? Do their uniforms have special pockets to hold the cards while they’re playing?
Instead of throwing flags, just imagine American football referees — I mean real football, with the flattened-out ball that bounces funny — handing out cards to naughty players.
Not to miss a chance for product placement, Hallmark could provide the cards, inscribed with poignant verses reminding players of their neglected mothers and moving them to tears, causing even more time-outs and extending already-interminable games into all-day events.
Referees’ flags would become hankies for weeping tight ends, and teary commiserations would be shared during huddles, which would be renamed “support groups.”
Somehow, I think cards would take all the fun out of the chasing and tackling, although all the male bonding would probably cause a marked increase in butt-fondling.
Cats Working 
There are two types of cards for soccer, yellow and red. Both are issued for flagrant fouls, such as going in with your cleats up, elbows to face. If a player receives two yellow in the same game he is given a red card. A player may also receive a straight red card for worst case scenarios such as stopping an obvious scoring opportunity, handballs in the box (area in front of goal), and intentionally causing harm to another player. A player receiving a red card is removed from the current game and the following game.
Player are only shown the card don’t get to keep it I do like your Hallmark idea.
If you ever get a chance check out a Richmond Kickers game or head up to see DC United. It is truly a beautiful sport to watch.
Welcome, Richard! And thanks for that explanation of the soccer cards. I’ve never seen a game, so it was the first time I’ve heard of them.
If cats played competitive sports, I think our game would be soccer, although we might use a rodent instead of a ball, just to keep it interesting.
From seeing football on TV, it seems that if they’re not just standing around, they’re lying in a pile. Too little running, throwing and kicking for my taste, just to move a few inches. I say, to make it exciting, give ’em something that would try to run for the goal on its own so the other team has to block it, as well try to get it back to their own end of the field.
Cole, I’m glad you got the cards question answered. I had no idea soccer refs used cards instead of flags. But although cats are in most ways superior beings, I wouldn’t be too smug about human butt fondling. Even the most genteel feline has been known to take a sniff of another feline’s hindquarters now and then.
BTW, how did you enjoy your first Thanksgiving with your family? What was your opinion of real turkey without the byproducts?
Hi Cole!
You really have your claw on the Human marketing pulse.Who doesn’t tear up when they see a fluffy kitten? Perhaps MLS could donate a portion of their profits to animal shelters,creating a “farm” team from which would come their future mascots. Allow me to explain to Richard how kitties play hockey.Get a plastic bottle cap and keep smacking it under the bathroom door when your Human is in there.Keep yelling your head off so that they keep playing with you.When they are really mad and start to come after you,run like crazy,knock over a lamp and dive under the sofa.Goal!!
Zappa
Adele, I was meh on the real turkey. Kind of dry and stringy. When it comes in a can, I now realize that a little guts ground in actually improves the flavor, which means Anthony Bourdain is right!
You’re right about cats having a certain butt etiquette, but we show proper deference before we dare to approach another cat’s behind to verify identity. If Yul just walked up and grabbed me by surprise, the fur would fly.
Zappa, I hadn’t thought about hockey, but you’re right. It’s a natural for us, played best on hardwood or linoleum.
Sumo is another one. Yul tells me that he and the late Fred used to practice on the bed on days it didn’t feel big enough for both of them. Once engaged, they’d push and push until one of them landed on the floor. Since Yul had a good 5-lb. advantage, Fred was usually the one looking for another spot to nap.
Greco-Roman wrestling with the cashmere sofa throw is another feat of both athleticism,skill and great stealth-don’t get caught!
Zappa
Zappa, I had no idea you were such a jock!
Now that we’re talking sports, I guess our gymnastic routines performed on the high beams that run across the living room would count as well. Sometimes our death-defying stunts have Karen waiting for a cat to fall on her head while she’s watching TV. Adele is particularly adept at walking the “high wire,” which is the banister that runs the length of the balcony above the living room. She’s the only one who dares to do it, because the drop is even longer than from the beams.