Catty Advice to Mark Sanford’s Wife

By Adele

Dear Jenny,

Congratulations on drawing the line of de-Mark-ation by kicking that cheating rat to the curb. You probably hoped it would scare him straight, but it backfired.

Confessing a little must have felt so good, Mark’s now saying he’s been a serial cheater for years. He “let his guard down” on vacations with his buds when he thought you’d never find out, which implies he considered cheating a lot. But he claims he never crossed “the sex line” before Maria Belen Chapur.

Bill Clinton taught us what “no sex” means. Inappropriate body parts touched with foreign objects.

That must make you feel so much better about sleeping beside Mark whenever there wasn’t another woman in the room.

Mark channeled John Edwards while confessing his Argentine trysts with Maria. First, it was only a few times in Argentina. Then a few times in New York. What next? A few times in your bed while you took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese?

To top it off, he’s still saying Chapur is his “soul mate,” but he wants to do you a favor and “try to fall back in love” with you.

That’s your cue, honey. Tell him, “No thanks.” The last thing your 4 sons need is a chronic philanderer as a role model.

Mark’s toasted his political career, so you’ll never be First Lady. If he doesn’t shut up soon, you won’t even be a governor’s estranged wife.

The rest of us hurl hairballs every time he blubbers remorsefully about diddling this woman he’s still obviously ga-ga over. It’s clear the only thing he really regrets is being tied to the old ball and chain — you.

Nobody's Crying for Sanford (Photo - Davis Turner/Getty)

Nobody's Crying for Sanford (Photo - Davis Turner/Getty)

Mark Sanford would best serve South Carolina by resigning the governorship, defecting to Argentina, and starting over with his soul mate — if her 2 teenage sons will let him.

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9 Responses to Catty Advice to Mark Sanford’s Wife

  1. Adele says:

    Adele, on NPR today, I heard about a house in DC, where many Christian politicians stay. The guy from Nevada (forgive me, I’m having brain cramps, today) lived there, and Sanford went frequently to have his particular brand of Christianity — read Christianity for the rich and privileged, tuned up.

    Mostly, I think Americans put too high a premium on marital fidelity and public life. — Francois Miterand’s wife and mistress both came to his funeral. But the difference is that there was probably an understanding up front, rather than the hypocrisy shown by our guys. Jenny Sanford would be well rid of Mark for several reasons. I just hope she can appreciate that.

  2. catsworking says:

    Are you talking about Harry Reid? If so, don’t tell me Sanford is a Mormon. That would just put a cork in it.

    You know, Adele, I agree with you that Americans make too much fuss over what should be a private matter and really has no bearing on their job. It’s not like Clinton spilled any state secrets to Monica. But I think it’s because when our guys get caught, they go into “poor repentant sinner, feel sorry for me, I’m a victim of my lust/ego/stupidity” mode when you know their ONLY regret is getting caught. It makes everyone sick and want to squash them like a bug.

    Look at Silvio Berlusconi in Italy right now. His wife has dumped him, new tidbits about his affairs with twinkies seem to come out every day, but you don’t see the guy sniveling and begging for forgiveness, and his neighbor is the POPE.

    So far, I really admire Jenny Sanford. She hasn’t “stood by her man” during any of his press conferences or interviews. She basically told the press she doesn’t care what happens to him as governor. Him saying he “wants to try to fall back in love” with her should have been the very last straw, AFTER she found he’d lied about how much he saw the other woman and he’s still going around calling her his “soul mate” and their affair a “tragedy” like they’re Romeo and Juliet. The nerve!!

    Maria is divorced, so basically that rat is implying that the only reason they’re not together is his pesky wife.

    On the other hand, I give him credit for trying something new. Edwards and Clinton both acted like the women they cheated with weren’t fit to lick their shoes when it was all over.

    I hope Jenny sets a new standard for betrayed political wives, making it perfectly OK to throw the bum out and let the mistress have him once his career is ruined and he’s paying alimony through the nose.

  3. Adele says:

    It wasn’t Harry Reid; it was the other guy,whose name I still can’t recall, who also was having an affair and got caught, and was considered to be a possible 2012 Rebublican hopefu. And this house (again, can’t remember the name) sounds kind of like a born again Christian version of the Opus Dei house, in The Da Vinci Code. My mind is so blank about names — I blame it on the fact that I lost a dental crown, today, that I just had put in yesterday — that I can’t even remember enough to Google.

  4. Cindy says:

    The guy from Nevada is named Ensign.

  5. catsworking says:

    Thank you, Cindy.

  6. MorganLF says:

    What I really love is this whining god-fearin’ creep was among those that led the charge against Clinton!! The Republican party has become the refuge of the self loathing and self righteous.

    The party let it happen they got hijacked by “conservatives” who wide stance in airport bathrooms and diddle male pages. Barry Goldwater would cringe at what the party has come to represent, most notoriously by the stupid frat-boy boob and chrast lover himself Dubya. True Republican patriots should divorce themselves from this party and retrench or do what really makes sense,join the Democrats.

  7. catsworking says:

    What’s got my tail in a fluff right now is Jenny Sanford saying that what Mark did was “unconscionable,” but forgiveness is possible. And now that jerk is in Florida trying to patch things up with her over the holiday weekend.

    If she takes him back, a man who can’t even ADMIT his infidelity without totally rubbing her nose in how wonderful the other woman is, she’s just as bad as he is. Plus, she’s an enabler and a doormat without a shred of self-esteem.

  8. Zappa says:

    Hi Adele!

    My mom isn’t concerned with these Humans-she says Boy Humans can do some bad stuff-BUT she has started to brush my teeth!! She holds me down and tortures me with this horrible device!! Have you head of this? Why do these Poltician Humans allow us to be treated this way? Someone needs to do something and quick!

  9. catsworking says:

    Zappa, how yucky for you. The vet once sold Karen this liquid stuff that we were supposed to swish around in our mouths to “brush” our teeth. Yeah, right. Never happened.

    We’re also not wild about getting our claws clipped, and Karen’s legs end up looking like hamburger.

    On the other hand, you have to realize it’s for your own good. If you don’t get your teeth brushed at home, you have to go to the vet and they put you to sleep and do unspeakable things inside your mouth while you’re conked out and helpless.

    We’re really stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one.

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