What if Cats Wore Burqas?

By Adele

Since his wife Carla keeps a closet full of Dior, it’s no surprise French President Nicolas Sarkozy sees nothing chic about burqas and niqabs, those head-to-toe black things some Muslim women wear. Yesterday in a speech to parliament, Sarkozy called those women “prisoners behind a screen” with no identity, subservient and debased, and declared such dress unwelcome in France.

That got me thinking…what if by some bizarre twist of nature, dogs could make cats wear burqas? Forcing us under wraps with nothing but our eyes to contend with is the only way they could ever get the upper paw on us.

Dogs would be free to romp and play and pee everywhere. Cats would become identical-looking nonentities — sweltering in the sun, unable to run, jump, eat, or even wash our faces in public.

The robes would drag through our kitty litter, stifle our natural grace, keep our tails between our legs, and make vermin lose all respect for us. Before long, the planet would be teeming with rats gone wild and the plague would make a comeback.

Cats — useless, faceless, helpless — would have to sit there and watch mankind get wiped out while dogs just stood around barking their heads off.

If God, Allah, or Whoever intended for any of us to be shapeless blobs, we’d have been built that way in the first place. But we’re not. We’ve got parts and we’re supposed to use them.

I hope Sarkozy’s attempt to liberate Muslim women is accepted graciously, without riots or violence. He only wants to see who they are and let them realize their full potential.

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4 Responses to What if Cats Wore Burqas?

  1. Adele says:

    Alice is appalled at the idea of wearing a burka, and she wonders if only female cats would be made to wear them.

    Sarkozy’s comments, however were pretty culturally insensitive. Chaddurs and burkas are certainly not my cup of tea, and the forms of Islam, which don’t allow women to go to school or drive, offend me. But his condemning it can only cause trouble. And having worked with dynamic Muslim women, who cover their heads, I know that there are different forms of Islam, and a head covering does not immediately make a woman subservient or debased.

  2. catsworking says:

    Adele, cats usually have a “live and let live” attitude unless we’re talking about rodents, and I’m with you on leaving well enough alone on things that aren’t causing any harm, such as a head scarf, a yamulke, or even a little crucifix worn around the neck that’s not big enough to be used as a weapon.

    Sarkozy was very specifically talking about burqas and niqabs, which are the most extreme forms of cover-up. Click the link in the article to see what I mean. These women look like black ghosts. You can barely even see their eyes behind the mesh. And I can’t even imagine how hot those things must be. How they function at all is a mystery.

    There’s been stink before about letting them keep their faces covered in a driver’s license or passport photo. It makes a mockery of the concept of identification.

    Anyone could beat or stab them to death in the street and no one could identify them. They’d probably be incinerated in a fire because they could hardly run before it ignited them. Plane crash, car accident, drowning, they’re toast.

    I can’t remember where it was, but a teacher was removed from the classroom for dressing like that because she was scaring the children. Can you imagine being a little kid stuck in a room with someone in black staring at you, and you’d never know what she looked like? It’s worse than Dracula.

    Sarkozy sees it as a form of male control and oppression and I’m with him. As I said, if God wanted women to look that way, he had the means to make it happen right from the start. And you don’t see him smiting all the other females who don’t wear burqas.

    I guess the ultimate irony of it is that it’s happening in France, a fashion mecca. There seem to be only a few hundred of them dressing this way right now, but they say it’s getting more prevalent. Maybe the women are seeking anonymity for some reason. But what kind of life is it that they must live in such fear? And who do they fear? THAT’S the real problem.

  3. Adele says:

    Okay, Adele, I stand somewhat corrected. I was thinking of the headscarf, yamulke, cross ban. I’m offended by the way extreme fundamentalist Islam treats women in general, from the honor killings and stonings to the extremely confining clothes. The continuum of treatment of women by fundamentalist religions is interesting — the prairie outfits of the FLDS-ers, the wigs and long dresses of several Orthodox Jewish sects — but the born again Christians, although their women usually dress fairly modestly, certainly allow for teased hair and lots of makeup.

    One thing about a burqa — no bad hair days and no need to spend much on makeup.

  4. catsworking says:

    Let the backlash begin. Today I was reading that some Muslim group is condemning Sarkozy for being condescending and divisive. Next they’ll probably take to the streets, burning a Dior-clad dummy of Carla in effigy.

    I don’t care how Muslims or anybody else chooses to worship, or WHO they worship. But when the males in charge (in ANY religion) decree that the females must live in misery in garments that are impractical for the climate, hinder how they function in every way, and serve as a wall between them and the human race, I think the women need to say, “Enough!”

    Unfortunately, someone’s got to speak for them because they’re probably afraid of being turned out of their homes, beaten, and stoned to death for daring to question the status quo. Sarkozy’s got guts to take on this issue.

    I’ve read that Muslim women spend a lot of money on shoes and makeup because they want to look beautiful, even if nobody ever sees it. Can’t blame them for that. But it goes to show that they DO pay attention to how the other half lives, even if nobody can tell they’re doing it, and they WOULD like to look like other women if they could.

    Adele, interesting irony you brought up about the born-again Christians. Who could ever forget Tammy Faye and those 10-inch eyelashes?

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