Santa Went to the Dogs

By Yul

Cats love Santa, but whenever he comes to town, we can’t score any quality lap time because he’s surrounded by DOGS.

Now I understand why Benny, that cat in New Jersey, hauled off and bit Santa the other day. My vet held an open house yesterday for “valued customers” to have their picture taken with Santa.

The dog on the invitation should have served as warning.

I got a new red harness and leash and was forced (unsuccessfully) to practice wearing them for days. But the last straw was seeing my carrier come out of the closet. I dove under the bed and Karen had to drag me out by that cursed leash.

Open house? Bah, Humbug! It was a big Dog-a-Thon.

Some people even brought multiple mutts and small children to meet Santa. I saw only two other cats miserably huddled in their carriers before turning my back in disgust.

The vet’s assistant told Karen, “We had one other cat here earlier who did OK.”

Only ONE cat?

My demeanor clearly conveyed that I was in no mood to cozy up to some strange guy smelling all doggy, and a shot of me looking thoroughly pissed off wasn’t the Kodak moment Karen had in mind, so she took me home.

Now, I’m not accusing the dogs of being bad or anything. They were happy, excited, sniffing everything and each other – just being DOGS.

But who needed that? If I had come home smelling bad, I’d have never heard the end of it from Adele and Fred.

Back on my home turf, I let Karen snap this consolation photo for all her trouble:

"What? You didn't know Santa Claws is black?"

"What? You didn't know Santa Claws is black?"

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7 Responses to Santa Went to the Dogs

  1. Adele says:

    Yul, it was a brave attempt (even if you didn’t have much say in the matter) to try to go and see Santa; I’m sorry it didn’t work out better. But the picture of you in your Christmas finery makes it all worthwhile. Red does become you, although your expression would indicate that you felt a touch silly.

  2. Mauigirl says:

    Yul, Baxter totally identifies with your disgust. Good try, Karen, but let’s face it, cats and Santa don’t mix! But your photo of Yul in his great red Santa hat is a real success!

  3. catsworking says:

    Adele, my apologies to Alice for not delivering her requests to Santa, but I didn’t get within half a mile of the guy. The last I saw him, he had a dog in one hand, a kid in his lap, and a big dog on his feet.

    Karen had to chase me around the house all afternoon with that Santa hat. It was only when I sat down to rest in my favorite chair that she was able to nab me. But if she hadn’t taken that stupid harness off me first, it would have been no dice.

  4. Adele says:

    Yul, Alice completely understands and still thinks you’re very brave for even having attempted to see Santa. I showed her your picture, and she sort of blushed and shyly said that you were a fine looking fellow. I think she has a little crush on you; she’s been kind of starry-eyed all afternoon.

  5. catsworking says:

    Adele, it happens all the time. Ever since I was a kitten, I’ve had this animal magnetism I can’t control. When Karen found me at the Richmond Animal League, they put her alone in a room with me and my brother, Cody, so she could pick which one of us she wanted.

    Cody was bouncing off the walls trying to show what a barrel of fun he’d be. I just sat still, staring hypnotically into Karen’s eyes, quietly whispering, “Pick me, pick me, pick me…”

    It worked!

    (The League told Karen later that Cody found a good home, too.)

    My Adele has idolized me since she arrived, even though it has gotten her in a lot of trouble over the years trying to follow my lead, but we consider ourselves brother and sister by choice, so there’s always room in my life for a long-distance girlfriend. Tell Alice anything is possible!

  6. Adele says:

    Yul, even though there’s the faint trace of a smirk in your Santa hat picture, you do have come hither eyes — Alice noticed that right away. She’s a little mad at me for letting you know her feelings, but I’m noticing far away looks and lots of sighs. When I read her your note about how you’ve always had animal magnetism, she said, “I like a guy with a certain amount of cockiness.” Who knew. You may become her Anthony Bourdain.

  7. catsworking says:

    I’ve been told that my eyes look a lot like the original Yul Brynner’s. He could look right through a female.

    I’m honored that Alice is thinking kindly of me. I’m not getting much of the same around here at the moment.

    Karen just brought home a new philodendron and a prayer plant, the first living things to arrive in the house since Adele. Karen used to have lots of plants, but I chewed up all her African violets when I was kitten (those fuzzy leaves were irresistible), some of which she’d had since high school! Then Fred ended up at the vet’s with a swollen lip after taking a chomp out of her huge and venerable dieffenbachia, which had to be tossed out to keep Fred from poisoning himself.

    And we all chewed her spider plant down to a stub. Yummy!

    But since we don’t have a Christmas tree this year (thanks to Fred’s little “problem”), she decided to fill up her old plant stand with some greenery and maybe stack the presents around it. Pathetic, I know. But I guess it’s better than nothing.

    Now the battle is on! I’ve already been squirted in the face once, and Adele hit and ran before Karen could grab the spray bottle.

    I know the philodendron is poison, but I can’t resist the feel of nice fresh earth between my toes as I grind it into the carpet. I’ve got to knock that plant over at least once, just because it’s there…

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