An Idea for OJ Simpson’s Next Book

By Fred

Women have always flocked to OJ Simpson, even after he probably got away with savagely murdering his wife Nicole and her friend, Ron Goldman.

Remember Paula Barbieri, that pretty brunette who was his girlfriend during the trial?

More recently, there was that ditzy blonde in Florida, Christie Prody, the cat murderer.

Now that The Juice may sit in a Nevada prison until he’s 79, if parole authorities have their way, I think he’ll be a bigger bimbo magnet than ever.

We’ll soon be hearing how he’s being deluged with fan letters and marriage proposals. He can use them to follow up on his last work of fiction, If I Did It, with a new book – another fantasy – called Letters from Really Dumb Women.

Personally, I think sentencing him to 33 years was a bit harsh – and Judge Jackie Glass’s repeated insistence that she wasn’t really nailing him for the murders rang hollow.

(Photo - Reuters/Isaac Brekken/Pool)

(Photo - Reuters/Isaac Brekken/Pool)

It’s ironic that OJ was ultimately brought down by a bad scene from Ocean’s Eleven, played out by a cast of two-faced, low-life nobodies who turned on him to save themselves.

But I wonder, when criminals want to bump off each other, is that really such a bad thing and should it be discouraged?

I hope all those deluded women who dwell in La-La Land and think of OJ as their ideal man will fire up their keyboards and help him start working on his next hilarious bestseller.

(UPDATE, DEC. 9: Judge Glass sentenced OJ’s 4 cohorts, who brandished the guns but copped a plea and testified against OJ, to 3-8 years of probation with NO prison time. In Nevada, rat finks get a break. Meanwhile, OJ has been moved from the local jail to the Big House.)

6 Responses to An Idea for OJ Simpson’s Next Book

  1. nearlynormalized says:

    I was just wondering whose “bitch” is he going be in prison, Suge Knights?

  2. Adele says:

    The Juice isn’t as pretty as he used to be, but I suspect his dance card could be full, assuming there aren’t people, who are out to get him for his likely murders of Nicole and Ron. I noticed a very attractive young woman at the trial, and I was wondering whether she was is daughter by Nicole. It seems their kids have been loyal to him. It’s hard to picture that he has any charm, but maybe he does.

    Fred, is this tibit coming in your guise as sports reporter or crime reporter? Knowing that the sport you really like is horse racing, I was surprised that you followed the fortunes of an ex-football player, I agree that a 33-year sentence for his present crime seems a little extreme. I haven’t followed whether an appeal is possibe or intended.

  3. catsworking says:

    Nearly, OJ’s presence is surely going to spice up prison life, wherever he is. With any luck, sooner or later some crack reporter will be allowed in for an exclusive interview and we’ll find out more.

    But if they let him mingle with the general population, there’s always a chance he could end up like Jeffrey Dahmer (murdered), which would give Fred Goldman one last reason to gloat in front of the cameras.

  4. catsworking says:

    You’re right, Adele, I have absolutely no interest in football. There’s not enough action. Men standing around and falling down. Now, if cats played the game, you’d see that ball moving, and our tackling would really make fur fly!

    On second though, I think we’re more suited to soccer, or even basketball.

    But I’ve been watching OJ almost my whole life, and not by choice. Karen followed the murder trial very closely and I couldn’t help getting sucked in. He’s been part of my crime beat since we started blogging.

    Fred Goldman also fascinates me because his mustache looks like a cat toy.

    OJ’s kids by Nicole, Sydney and Justin, are now 22 and 19, respectively, and I’ve read that Sydney looks a lot like her mother – tall, blonde, and tawny. Justin favors his father.

    I guess they had no choice but to cling to OJ since he was the only parent they had left and they had no say in who got custody when Denise Brown tried to take them.

    His lawyer said he is planning an appeal, but the judge said OJ has to remain in the slammer in the meantime.

  5. MorganLF says:

    33 years extreme?? That foul, arrogant, murdering piece of slime should be killed like the ancient Chinese day cut off his arm then leave him hanging to suffer , the next day the other arm, the next day an eye, a leg, and so forth hanging out in the elements where animals could feast on him as he slowly…slowly died.

    With any luck prison will take care of that gloating murderer. He is one the few reasons I would ever consider owning a firearm!

  6. catsworking says:

    Morgan, we always appreciate your bloodthirsty perspective! 😉

    I agree with you that there was no sentence too barbarian for him — when he butchered two people, especially the mother of his small children who were sleeping nearby. But a jury who couldn’t spell “DNA” let him go.

    If he’d been where he belonged for that, this heist would never have happened and that bunch of low-lifes who participated would still be on the streets, free men.

    So now to stick OJ with 33 years for this farce of a robbery and claim it WASN’T for the murders? Give me a break!

    They even said police were recorded gloating, saying things like, “The Vegas police accomplished what the LAPD couldn’t.”

    I read today that he’s been moved from the local jail to the Big House, so the fun should be starting soon for him, unless they keep him in solitary.

    While I think that there’s no punishment too severe for OJ the murderer, the sentence OJ the thief got for a relatively minor incident is a clear sign that there’s something seriously wrong with the whole justice system.

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