Some voters must be waiting for Barack Obama or John McCain to levitate or cast a spell over them to help them make up their addled minds. These two men couldn’t be more different in temperament, style, and ideas, yet polls by Gallup, Hotline, and Rasmussen show 5-12% of voters are still undecided.
Could it be that, after devoting entire forests of trees and rivers of ink to recording and analyzing the candidates’ every word, gesture, and facial expression for nearly 2 years, the media hasn’t yet revealed enough to make a decision? Had 60 Minutes aired Dan Rather’s special in-depth investigation of how each candidate organizes his sock drawer, might that have done the trick?
I think undecideds simply crave attention. Their faux confusion gets them invitations to attend the debates and join focus groups. Reporters clamor to capture their quotable nuggets of doubt so they can make the candidates lose sleep wondering what else they might do to win the wafflers.
Who cares? We’ve reached the point where undecided voters should be barred from casting their feckless ballots. This election is too important. Rather, let’s study the feasibility of shipping them to another planet because their witless existence wastes precious resources on Mother Earth.
Cats have been watching this campaign from the beginning and our minds are made up. Let us have the undecideds’ votes. We’ll see that America doesn’t fall prey to an out-of-touch geezer who pals around with a blood-thirsty former beauty queen who would shoot and eat us and turn our pelts into throw rugs, given half a chance.
Cats for Obama!