People, Quit Whining About Cats Hogging Fish

By Yul

OK, blame cats for fewer songbirds contributing to noise pollution. But people are going too far trying to pin dwindling fish in the world’s oceans on our seafood cravings.

If that’s anybody’s fault, it’s yours. Fish have never been part of our diet (we hate water, remember?). Some lamebrain human waved that first can of Starkist under a cat’s nose, prompting an immediate feline addiction to its intoxicating aroma – not to mention that yummy fish water it’s packed in.

Now researchers at Deakin University are complaining that about 2.48 million tons of fish annually are going into cat food.

What’s wrong with that? We American cats get the lion’s share, too – more than 1.1 million tons of sardines, herring, anchovies, and other fish in our Friskies and Fancy Feast.

European cats only get about 870,000 tons of the catch.

They estimate the average Australian cat eats about 13.7 kilos of fish and seafood a year, while his humans only get about 11 kilos. This caused one researcher to conclude, “Australian pet cats are eating better than their owners.”

So what’s his point?

This guy went on to say, “I think giving a nice chunk of fish to a pet is important to satisfy the personal hedonistic needs of the owner, not the nutritional need of the cat. Cats will be very happy to eat the offal from a trout.”

If he thinks we’re going to give up our golden tins of Tuna Florentine with Whipped Egg Soufflé and Fresh Garden Greens for fish guts and other meat by-products just so he can go pig out at Red Lobster more often, he’ll be in for a shock.

I suggest this pointless research be redirected to finding out how to increase fish fertility.

You humans put fish on our menu, so we expect you to continue feeding us in the manner to which we’ve become accustomed or it’s gonna get ugly.

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