Do Canadians Secretly Crave Cat Food?

By Adele

Pet food companies are finally catering to their most discerning diners – cats. Ground mystery guts are giving way to paw-licking dishes like Chicken Florentine with Whipped Egg Soufflé which, pound for pound, are pricier than people food.

Now Professor Gary Pickering at Brock University in Ontario has recruited human tasters to check it out, claiming cats can’t communicate their preferences clearly enough.

Since when? What’s unclear about a disdainfully mimed litterbox burial over the food bowl? What’s murky about that untouched pile of rotting brown, crusty mush? Obviously, the cat would rather starve than eat it.

When a cat gobbles the food and licks the plate, that means haute cuisine – excellent flavor, texture, color, and smell. However, when the same food sits left over in the can all day to be served cold for dinner, that’s prison swill. It’s not rocket science.

I suspect Pickering’s “research” is just a front to keep colleagues from noticing his secret cat food fetish, or why his homemade tuna sandwiches have a suspiciously strong aroma.

His tasters rated cat foods on some weird attributes like caramel, cereal, soy, burnt flavors, bitter, and offaly (i.e., nasty bits), as well as grittiness and chewiness.

However, since they omitted fresh bird or mouse carcasses, and even moths – all feline delicacies – their findings are moot because they lacked the standard against which cats rate canned food.

We know you humans keep all the best cuts of meat for yourselves, but we’re willing to forgive in exchange for yummy sauces. In fact, Fred and Yul usually eat nothing but the sauces.

So, forget about developing exotic new flavors to please our palate. Cats just want more GRAVY.


2 Responses to Do Canadians Secretly Crave Cat Food?

  1. Mauigirl says:

    So true. Those 9-Lives canned foods with the chunks and gravy in them? No cat I’ve ever known actually eats those chunks. Only the gravy.

    It makes no sense to have people taste cat food because some of the most delicious smelling cat food (the chicken, for instance) my cats just turned up their noses at!

  2. catsworking says:

    It’s a well-known fact that the worse the food looks and tastes, the better cats will like it. They didn’t say which foods the people were tasting, but I’m guessing it wasn’t ground mystery guts.

    We used to eat 9-Lives a long time ago, mainly for the gravy. There’s no way you can convince us that Savory Stew wasn’t really for people. Just to prove our point, we’d make a big production out of carefully spitting out every one of the peas.

    Yul and Fred are total gravy lickers, but I eat everything and I don’t lick off all the gravy first. So it really irks me Yul finishes his plate, then muscles in and licks all the gravy I’ve been carefully rationing to make my whole meal enjoyable.

    Fred’s too much of a gent to pull a stunt like that. Adele

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