Jenna: The Bush Family’s Next Stepford Wife

By Fred

In keeping with the Bush tradition of total denial, Jenna just had what the family considers the smallest, simplest wedding in the history of matrimony.

Jenna couldn’t wrap her head around the notion that it’s possible to stage a modest ceremony anywhere in the White House, where tight security is already in place. Nor that she could have her itty-bitty reception – for 200 – in one of the mansion’s sumptuous rooms without inviting any members of the press.

She opted instead for the family ranch in Crawford, Texas, so the Secret Service, the groom’s family, and 15 musicians in two bands could all fly cross-country to be there. We’ll probably never know how much American taxpayers had to fork out to secure the middle of nowhere so Jenna could have her attendants’ dresses match the wildflowers.

To keep it small, Jenna had her sister Barbara as her maid of honor – and 14 bridesmaids. The groom had 14 ushers and his brother as best man. But since this mob was called a “house party” instead of a “wedding party,” 28 of them don’t count.

Nobody can accuse this simple, down-home country gal of frills and frippery. Her white, beaded Oscar de la Renta gown (without veil) was probably some old prom dress she recycled.

And since Crawford is like one of those plywood facades of a town you see in old westerns, the bridal lunch, rehearsal dinner, and a post-dinner bash were held Friday in Salado, an hour’s drive away. Bush arrived by motorcade.

When it comes to family, gas prices mean nothing to the Bushes.

The pre-dusk nuptials were held on Saturday back at the ranch near a man-made lake at an altar of beige Texas limestone. They’re saying it will become a landmark – perfect if Bush gets a hankering for more killing once he’s out of office and wants to use it for sacrifices.

The newlyweds are rumored to be honeymooning in Europe, where their dollars are worth about 65 cents against the euro.

Jenna already has an eerie resemblance to Laura in appearance and manner. Now that she’s followed Mom’s example and married into a well-to-do family with big Republican connections, Jenna will probably want to be a good Bush wife by emptying her head of every thought and opinion she’s ever had in case hubby Henry Hager has political aspirations.


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