India Desperately Needs Cats

By Fred

Sam’s Club’s decision to ration rice in the U.S. might not be a bad idea unless you have a taste for tiny turds in your Rice-a-Roni.

The world’s second largest rice producer, India, has a huge vermin problem. Hundreds of millions of rats are pigging out on rice crops and in granaries and causing widespread famine in the northeastern state of Mizoram.

About every 50 years, bamboo in India produces an over-abundance of fruit and seeds, which rats consider delicacies. Fat, happy rats produce more rats. Once they finish the bamboo, they turn to people food, and then you’ve got trouble with a capital T.

The last bamboo surge and major rat problem was in 1959. Do the math.

Things were getting bad in 2007 when the Indian government started offering 5 cents apiece for rat carcasses, but it didn’t make a dent.

The only solution to India’s problem is so simple, I’m amazed they didn’t think of it in the 50 years they’ve had to prepare. They should have been stocking up on kitty litter.

The U.S. leads the world in cat ownership with 76,430,000 at last count. India isn’t even in the top 10, although it’s home to well over a billion people, more than 17% of the world’s potential cat owners. Big mistake, obviously.

Let millions of cats loose, and India could say “Bye-Bye” to its rat troubles in a matter of weeks.

I propose that India’s government start offering tax breaks to cat owners. It’s a win-win for everybody but the rats. Impoverished people won’t even have to choose between feeding themselves or their cats. We thrive on Nature’s most perfect food – it’s ratsalicious!

12 Responses to India Desperately Needs Cats

  1. […] Read the whole thing here. Apr 24, 2008 | | Uncategorized […]

  2. Save my Birds/Save the Rice says:


    I’ve done a little research and have learned that “In seven years, one female cat and her offspring can theoretically produce 420,000 cats.” I’ve also learned that there are at least 70+ million feral, aka homeless, cats living in the U.S.

    Perhaps you could start an initiative to help these poor, homeless, and surely distant relatives of yours find a way to safely get to India to help with this problem?

    Think about it – if only half of these distant relatives are female, in seven years this would mean roughly 14 trillion, 735 million assistants for the Indian government to help save the rice crop – ((35 million females X 420,000) + another 35 million males)). A great plus would be that your relatives would be well fed for years and years!

    How do we get the word out to your relatives? Can you start signing folks up to transport them?

  3. catsworking says:

    I think that’s an EXCELLENT idea! Pardon the expression, but if we shipped our extra cats to India, we could kill two birds with one stone. Save the fowl here, and give the rats what’s coming to them.

    Since Bush seems to be rattling around the White House looking for things to do, and since he loves dabbling in foreign affairs using our military, I think he could commandeer an aircraft carrier (without asking Congress’ approval, naturally), fill it with cats willing to start a new life, and deploy it to India.

    For the return trip, they could stop by Iraq, fill the boat with worn-out troops, and bring them home.

  4. Sally says:

    The only problem with sending the “extra” cats in America to India, is that in a very short time they will have a cat problem instead of a rat problem. Since these cats would multiply so fast, the place would soon be over-run with cats, tearing through garbage, spraying everywhere, and pretty much making the same mess as the rats. The only difference would be that cats don’t carry diseases that can be contracted by humans. But there’s another problem, cats will only hunt so that they have enough to eat, they don’t kill for pleasure, and they always ensure they have a guaranteed food supply. They would not kill all of the rats, but yes they would definitely help with the problem, but only by creating another one.

  5. catsworking says:

    Personally, I’d rather be overrun with cats than rats, but you’ve made an excellent point. I guess we’d need to recruit some vets to launch a spay/neuter program while the cats were in transit to India to keep their numbers under control.

    But even if India got overrun with cats, they wouldn’t be suffering the food shortage they have now because the cats wouldn’t be caught dead raiding rice and grain supplies.

    I’ve never heard that cats began to outnumber humans when they helped Europe get through the Black Plague, so I think they could help India now. Similar programs are being done on a much smaller scale in the U.S. They’re discussed in some of our previous posts.

  6. dredwolff says:

    This is interesting:

    Aparrently cats are regarded as bad omens and vermin in India. If they can’t get over their superstitions long enough to protect their food, then maybe they deserve to have half their food eaten by rats.

  7. catsworking says:

    Thanks for that link. It made my tail fluff out.

    If the Indian people can’t get over their unenlightened dislike of cats, who could so easily solve their rodent problem, they should consider elevating the vermin to the status of gods. Then they could say that what the rats eat are holy sacrifices. The more hungry they get, the more devout they are. It’s a win-win all around.

  8. almostindian says:

    Have you ever been to India? I have, and I can tell you it’s a horrible place with thousands and thousands of emaciated stray animals. I wouldn’t ship a gold fish there, let alone a cat.

  9. catsworking says:

    almostindian, point taken. We agree that India would probably be a terrible place for cats. If you skip around the posts in this blog, you’ll find that we write most of our opinions with tongue firmly in cheek.

  10. David says:

    how could the cats be emaciated if they are feeding on rats all day,,,,almostindian missed the obvious point,

  11. Gayatri says:

    I live in NYC with a huge rodent problem and there are many stray cats here. Cats do NOT live in fields, they live near human settlements for food. They do keep the rodent population down, but it’s not their sole food source. Most Indians do not like cats and dogs. The cats will be neglected and abused. To knowingly subject future litters of kittens to a life of misery should torture your conscience to the end of your life. FYI I’m Indian and a cat lover. I’m also a certified TNR participant.

  12. catsworking says:

    Welcome, Gayatri. Since you are new to this blog, you probably don’t realize that much of it is written tongue in cheek. We agree with you that no cats should have to live where they will be mistreated and neglected. It is Indians’ loss that they don’t like cats. We make wonderful companions.

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