Sex & the City to Debut First in EUROPE

April 30, 2008

By Karen

It’s an outrage, pure and simple. Sex and the City: The Movie’s first showing is on May 12 in London’s Leicester Square.

New Line is rationalizing that it’s not really the premiere because the whole cast won’t be there. Just Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Catrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis. Chris Noth isn’t attending, so none of it counts.

Since when is it all about Mr. Big? Who do they think they’re kidding?

After all the support New York has given this enterprise, I can’t believe they’re dissing it this way. The movie doesn’t open in Manhattan until May 27 at Radio City Music Hall.

I’ve also read that NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s cameo appearance ended up on the cutting room floor.

It came as a relief when someone decided to skip Cannes because it means one less chance for the whole plot to leak out, but you know how the British tabloids are. We’ll be lucky if there’s anything left to know about the film before it opens in U.S. movie theaters on May 30.

To add insult to injury, the soundtrack is being released in Germany on May 23, but not until May 27 in the U.S.

I’m wondering where they got the idea that Europe made the show a big hit before it caught on here. To express my disgust, I’d like to stay home and wait for the DVD – but I know that’s not going to happen. Damn them!

Why Does Rev. Wright Hate Barack Obama?

April 29, 2008

By Yul

Barack Obama’s learning the hard way that when you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas, and Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr.’s fleas are sucking the life out of Obama’s campaign.

Obama tried to explain Rev. Wright’s crazy anti-American sermons with an historically frank, intelligent, and gracious speech on race relations. He firmly disagreed with Wright, but still embraced him as a beloved pastor.

Wright’s thanks to Obama for turning the other cheek is to stir up more trouble on the speaking circuit.

On TV with Bill Moyers and live before the NAACP and the National Press Club, Wright’s been airing his paranoia and claiming our government is the root of all evil – from AIDS to September 11.

He’s even had the audacity to joke about being Obama’s vice president, and vowed to stay “after” Obama if he gets elected to ensure he does the right things, like he’s got delusions of being the power behind the throne.

This leaves me wondering if Wright’s simply nuts or bent on revenge. Maybe he’s still steamed that Obama uninvited him to the event where Obama announced his candidacy.

To watch Wright seizing his last 15 minutes of fame to poison every mind he can reach has got everyone wondering what the hell Obama was doing in his church for 20 years.

If Wright really loved Barack, he’d be exercising his right to remain silent. Instead, Wright’s proving himself exactly what those sound bites revealed – a bitter lunatic who believes God damns America and he’s glad of it. It’s the only logical explanation for willfully trying to destroy Obama’s chance to lead this country and make the world a better place.

At this point, unless we see Wright being led away in a straitjacket to an undisclosed location, Obama’s only hope is to declare that he and Rev. Wright are finished. Period.

Could New Sex & the City Theme be More Shallow?

April 28, 2008

By Karen

The new Sex & the City theme song by Fergie, “Labels or Love,” was quickly yanked from YouTube last week, but nothing ever disappears completely from the ‘Net.

The music was OK, incorporating the familiar TV theme, but those silly lyrics… Read them for yourself.

After months of bloggers and the media constantly scooping them, I just noticed that New Line Cinema has finally put some worthwhile content on the movie’s official site.

Fans are drooling for details – even as we hope we don’t get them so the movie will still hold surprises.

Since the show ended, I’ve been watching every episode in an endless loop from my boxed collection in faux hot-pink velvet. I’ve got mixed feelings about the movie, which picks up the story 4 years later.

The only way it could possibly work is to shovel on heartache and disaster (which the previews do imply). But do I really want to see my glamorous girls, who must be growing bunions by now, getting mugged by life?

I’ll be disappointed if Carrie marries Big, although he’s strung her along for a decade now. And what’s with the bad wedding dress? Didn’t Patricia Fields have a box of Kleenex to help Sarah Jessica Parker fill out that bust?

If Charlotte ends up with two children, she’ll have to transfer to Desperate Housewives because happily married mothers with 2 kids are boring – a point the show made several times.

We know someone dies. I’m afraid it’s Samantha, although it would make more sense to whack Big so Carrie would be free for the second sequel, if there is one.

But Kim Catrall probably jumped at the chance to get S&TC behind her by putting Samantha 6 feet under. She obviously wants a fresh start and made sure the movie financed it by demanding enough money to buy a new flat in London.

Fergie’s brainless song doesn’t bode well as we wait for May 30 with anticipation and dread.

India Desperately Needs Cats

April 24, 2008

By Fred

Sam’s Club’s decision to ration rice in the U.S. might not be a bad idea unless you have a taste for tiny turds in your Rice-a-Roni.

The world’s second largest rice producer, India, has a huge vermin problem. Hundreds of millions of rats are pigging out on rice crops and in granaries and causing widespread famine in the northeastern state of Mizoram.

About every 50 years, bamboo in India produces an over-abundance of fruit and seeds, which rats consider delicacies. Fat, happy rats produce more rats. Once they finish the bamboo, they turn to people food, and then you’ve got trouble with a capital T.

The last bamboo surge and major rat problem was in 1959. Do the math.

Things were getting bad in 2007 when the Indian government started offering 5 cents apiece for rat carcasses, but it didn’t make a dent.

The only solution to India’s problem is so simple, I’m amazed they didn’t think of it in the 50 years they’ve had to prepare. They should have been stocking up on kitty litter.

The U.S. leads the world in cat ownership with 76,430,000 at last count. India isn’t even in the top 10, although it’s home to well over a billion people, more than 17% of the world’s potential cat owners. Big mistake, obviously.

Let millions of cats loose, and India could say “Bye-Bye” to its rat troubles in a matter of weeks.

I propose that India’s government start offering tax breaks to cat owners. It’s a win-win for everybody but the rats. Impoverished people won’t even have to choose between feeding themselves or their cats. We thrive on Nature’s most perfect food – it’s ratsalicious!

Guess What the Cat Dragged In?

April 23, 2008

By Yul

A cat named Poe in Pinellas County, Fl., nearly became Gator Chow while prowling his neighborhood when he caught the eye of an 8’8” 230-lb. alligator from a nearby pond. Poe gave the reptile the slip through his doggie door, but never expected the monster to tear through a screen and follow him into his owner’s house.

Sandie Frosti had left the sliding glass door to her screened porch open, so the alligator was able to walk in and creep through the house, hunting for Poe.

Frosti was in her bedroom when she heard loud scratching noises in the kitchen. She went to check it out and found a hissing, thrashing alligator – but no Poe.

Frosti called 911, then went outside to wait for police and a trapper to arrive, unaware for over an hour that Poe was still in the house with the alligator. Finally, she saw her cat hop up on the furniture in the living room.

The alligator wasn’t so lucky. A heavy falling plate hit and cut it during its capture, and the authorities said they would probably kill it because it was too big to release.

Today, Frosti says Poe seems jittery about being in the house and is reluctant to go near the kitchen. After that fright, who could blame him? But we question Frosti’s method of calming Poe’s fears:

She let Poe go back out into their alligator-infested ‘hood.

Rachael Ray Won’t Wrestle Anthony Bourdain

April 22, 2008

By Karen

The current issue of Time magazine has a Q&A with Anthony Bourdain’s nemesis, Rachael Ray, in which she’s asked to honestly admit if she’d like to punch Tony for the nasty things he’s said about her.

She answers, “No, I actually love and appreciate Tony Bourdain’s work, and I think everybody has the right to their own opinion.”

Note that she loves his work, not him. Nice dodge, Rachael. Ever considered running for president on the Nabisco platform? You’ve succeeded where other candidates have failed in getting your face plastered all over the cracker aisle in every grocery store in America.

Later in the Time interview, she amazingly says about her numerous product endorsements, “I don’t put my name on things I don’t believe in.”

I’ll give her a pass on Triscuits, which are marginally healthy as junk food goes. But some other things she has “believed in” are Burger King and Dunkin’ Donuts. It’s a mystery how she squares pushing those with Yum O!, the not-for-profit organization she launched to encourage children to eat healthier.

But she’s not totally deluded. In Time she admitted, “There is very little [said about me in the tabloids] that isn’t true: I’m not a chef, I don’t bake, I am loud, I am goofy, and after a while, my voice is annoying.”

So I guess she’s smart enough to realize Bourdain had a point when he said her Dunkin’ Donuts endorsement is “evil” and like “endorsing crack for kids.”

I’d love to see an honest face-off between Tony Bourdain, our cranky, self-made celebrity, and Rachael Ray, the perpetually perky culinary Frankenstein created by Oprah Winfrey.

Cougars, Stay Away from Chicago

April 21, 2008

By Adele

On April 14, police in the north side of Chicago killed a 122-pound, 2-year-old male cougar in a hail of bullets after they put him in a no-win situation by trapping him in an alley.

The cat might have been an escaped pet, but most likely he had come 1,000 miles from the Black Hills of South Dakota. He crossed several state lines through populated areas where many people reported seeing him, and had managed not to get in trouble with the law until he reached Chicago. Then, as is too often the case in Man vs. Cat, his reward for being a resourceful survivor who wasn’t bothering anyone was a violent death.

Cougars were a threatened species protected by the government. But now they’re crowding each other out of their rapidly-dwindling natural habitat. Young males often roam off in search of territory they can call home before one of the older males kills them or they feel compelled to mate with female relatives. Incest grosses them out.

Animal lovers said the cougar should have been tranquilized and relocated. Others said he needed killing because he was “real close to a grade school” and might have attacked a child, although he hadn’t previously shown any aggression toward humans.

Cougars are misunderstood cats with a bad reputation they don’t deserve. People also call them mountain lions, pumas, or panthers. In 119 years, there have been 108 cougar attacks on people, with only 20 proving fatal. Given a choice, cougars would avoid humans altogether.

Dogs, on the other hand, are reported to kill about 26 people a year in the U.S. alone. But you don’t see the police cornering and shooting them while they’re just going about their business, do you?

So Chicago feels safer because it rid the world of one smart cat who was only hoping to find his place in the world.

Bush Missed a Prime Cat-Op with the Pope

April 18, 2008

By Yul

George Bush blew a golden chance to show solidarity with Pope Benedict XVI. All he had to do was invite the pope to crawl under one of the White House beds to meet India, the family cat.

India Bush

India’s the only member of the Bush family who would appeal to the pope. She might have even persuaded the pontiff to grant absolution to Laura for trying to upstage him with that white suit she wore (a no-no in papal etiquette) the day he wore white vestments himself to greet the crowd on the White House lawn.

If Laura had any sense, she’d at least have left the suit out on the bed that morning to give India a chance to cover it with black cat hair. The pope would have appreciated that.

But India was nowhere to be found in any reports of the pope’s White House visit. Only that publicity hound Barney, or his cohort Miss Beazley, seemed to be under foot. India apparently stuck to the no-show policy she’s followed during the entire Bush administration.

I did learn a few trivia tidbits about the elusive First Cat from her sparse Web page:

India likes to hide from her owners. No surprise there. Who needs guilt by association?

She also like tuna-flavored cat treats. Who doesn’t?

India’s nickname is “Willie” because the Bushes named her after the former Texas Ranger baseball player, Ruben Sierra, who was called “El Indio.” I’m not getting the Willie connection from that. Maybe Willie is “Ruben” in Spanish?

Your Cat May be Poisonous

April 17, 2008

By Adele

The Hanover Animal Hospital in Mechanicsville, Va., recently did a scary study that made news. They revealed that cats (and dogs) are basically hazardous chemical dumps.

They only tested blood and urine from 35 dogs and 37 cats, but what they found was pretty disturbing. The cats had 23 times the amount of brominated flame retardants (BFRs) in their bodies than humans.

BFRs replaced PCBs in furniture, fabrics, carpets, and plastics used in electronics. Greenpeace has been campaigning to get them banned.

Now I guess we’re taking our 9 lives into our paws when we lounge in our favorite places: on the couch, the carpet, in the laundry, or on top of the TV or computer.

But even more disturbing than that – they found 5 times more mercury in cats. Now our love of fish is working against us.

Researchers think the high mercury is due to the fact that once our owners find a brand or flavor of food we like, they’re afraid to switch it and piss us off. They probably haven’t considered that mercury-laced fish might just taste better.

Overall, they found 46 suspicious chemicals in cats, but only 35 in dogs. I see that result as testament to dogs’ lack of creativity in getting into things they shouldn’t.

They think we pets get more exposure to chemicals, pesticides and other nasties because we’re lower to the ground.

Well, DUH!

Scientists are worried about these findings because they say animals can be harbingers of problems in humans. But I’m waiting to hear what the hell this means for CATS and what they’re going to do about it.

Pope Benedict is a Cat-holic

April 15, 2008

By Yul

Pope Benedict XVI arrives in the U.S. today to a warm welcome from Catholics – and cats. He’s well-known around Rome for stopping to chat with and feed strays. He even authorized a cat to be his official biographer. I’m not kidding.

The Vatican doesn’t allow pets these days. They say it’s a security thing. But there’s ongoing debate over whether the pope shares his papal apartments with two cats, one of them a former stray he owned before. The Vatican won’t confirm or deny, so I’m surprised nobody has checked for cat hair on his robes.

When the archbishop of Los Angeles, Cardinal Roger Mahony, was in Rome for the pope’s inauguration in 2005, he said, “The street talk that the pope loves cats is incorrect. The pope adores cats.”

MSNBC reported that the pope has a black-and-white cat named Chico living back home in Tübingen, Germany, but I couldn’t find any other references to this particular cat. I think they got their story jumbled.

Chico is actually a 9-year-old ginger tabby in Pentling, Germany, who befriended the pope in his cardinal days when they were next-door neighbors. Chico’s owners now take care of the pope’s house, which he still visits occasionally. He had hoped to retire there.

Pope Benedict\'s friend, Chico

Chico enjoys sitting on the pope’s lap while he plays the piano and reminisces.

In 2007, Chico wrote and published his friend’s pre-Vatican life story in a children’s book called Joseph and Chico – A Cat Recounts the Life of Pope Benedict XVI.

Italians are happy to have a cat-loving pope because they’re still grateful to us for leaping in to help rid the country of plague-carrying rats who were killing them in the 13th century. Italy is one of the most progressive countries in the world in promoting animal welfare. Since 1991, it’s been illegal to kill healthy dogs and cats in shelters.

So even though mass means “hairballs” to cats, we’re pleased to welcome Pope Benedict. It comes as no surprise that a man who was born as Joseph Rat-zinger became a lifelong cat-lover.

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