Dog Forced Into Arranged Marriage

By Adele

In the U.S., some humans abhor marriages between men or between women. But in India it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to marry a dog he’s just met.

When Selva Kumar was 18, he murdered two dogs while they were mating and strung up their bodies in a tree. Then he had a stroke that left him partially deaf and paralyzed in his left arm and legs. He blamed it on bad karma from the dog incident. Now he’s 33 and apparently tired of getting around on a crutch.

A village astrologer told him he could break his self-inflicted curse by marrying a dog. So Kumar’s family found a 10-year-old female stray they named Selvi, bathed and dressed her in a fetching orange sari, and held a big Hindu temple wedding.

Kumar and Selvi

The happy couple.

Kumar vowed, “I will take care of it till its death.”

Selvi said nothing; she was obviously in shock from being called an “it” by her new husband.

The groom’s family treated the bride like a dog at her own wedding feast. She nibbled a crumby bun while they pigged out. I just hope her bridegroom didn’t completely ruin her day by trying to consummate the nuptials later.

If Kumar’s not back on his feet again soon, according to Indian law, he’ll be free to marry another dog without even divorcing Selvi. I guess in the excitement leading up to the wedding, Selvi didn’t insist on putting her pawprint on an ironclad pre-nup.

I can’t see a cat ever participating in such a farce.

A ritual cleansing bath? Forget it!

Parading around in people clothes? Ditto.

Sitting in a corner waiting for table scraps? More likely up on the table grabbing all the good stuff.

Letting a man think he’s the boss? Don’t make me laugh.

I guess that’s why you don’t see more cats at weddings.

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