A Cat Explains What the Craig Fuss is About

By Fred

“Let me be clear. I am not gay. I never have been gay.”

As a red-blooded American domestic shorthaired tomcat, I could have said that, but I didn’t. Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig said it.

I must dip a claw into politics here because this hairball is just too juicy to ignore.

If I ever waved my paws around and played footsie with Yul while we were using our respective litterboxes, he’d be wearing my tail as a trophy on his collar. Real men just don’t do that stuff.

What I don’t get is all the suits on talk shows saying we’re making a big deal over Larry Craig just because he’s a Republican.

Hello? Haven’t the Republicans made it mandatory to stick your nose into everyone’s personal business and judge what behavior is acceptable?

If Republicans’ relentless curiosity about all things sexual didn’t put cats to shame, what Larry does in the privacy of public restrooms would be irrelevant.

This all reminds me of Bill Clinton, that hero of tomcats everywhere. He, at least, did his deeds in the relative cleanliness of the Oval Office with the opposite gender, and now he’s living happily ever after, no worse for wear.

Mom cats tell their kittens, “When you make your bed, you better lie in it.” To avoid being hypocrites, Craig’s conservative buddies have no choice but to condemn and shun him and destroy his career. It’s only the same level of courtesy he and they would extend to any gay stranger.

Once all the perverts on Capitol Hill fall out of their closets and end up on the receiving end of the disgust and abuse they so gleefully dish out, maybe they’ll be more inclined to live and let live. That would end some wars and make the world a much better place for the rest of us.

The only thing wrong with Larry Craig is that dirty public bathrooms seem to turn him on. I hope his wife gives him a good bleaching and a flea bath before she lets him curl up beside her in bed again.


2 Responses to A Cat Explains What the Craig Fuss is About

  1. Kathy, Midlothian, VA says:

    I love it when Republicans get involved in something like this, because they’re so determined to claim that they have high morals and nobody else does. That makes it all the sweeter when they get caught.

    Anything that makes sanctimonious right-wingers look bad is A-OK with me.

  2. Keri says:

    Cats sniff each others butts right out in the open. We seem to say, I’m curious about that ass and I’m proud to admit it! Male, female? It’s all the same to us.

    The mistake made by the Republic sub-species of homo ludens is in creating a climate of shame. Eliminate the shame and you can blow each other in restaurants, not just in dirty public restrooms! Whaddaya say?


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