South Beach Diet for Cats

By Yul

Karen’s been on the South Beach Diet, regaling us with her crazy stunts in the kitchen. Like eating spinach for breakfast – it’s worse than liver and egg. And passing off muddy portobello mushroom caps as pizza crust. And trying to turn “spaghetti” squash into pasta.

That last one got ugly because the recipe innocently said to “split the squash lengthwise.” We don’t own a chainsaw, so Karen slammed the rind with a meat cleaver, and then beat the back of the cleaver with a hammer to cut through that stupid squash, which turned out to be full of stringy yellow slime – nothing like pasta.

Anyway, this has all made me realize that Fancy Feast® has been selling South Beach in a can to cats as Elegant Medleys®. They both consist of meat, poultry, fish, veggies, eggs, and cheese. If you don’t believe me, check out these flavors:

Turkey and Cheddar Cheese Soufflé with Garden Greens
Wild Salmon and Whipped Egg Soufflé with Garden Greens

Fred and I pooh-pooh the frou-frou because we know their game: minimize the meat and maximize the cheap fluff. But Adele finds feline soufflés trés chic and licks her plate clean every time. Next, she’ll be getting her nose done to look like that snooty white Persian in the commercials.

Just for laughs, I’d like to try Elegant Medleys on Anthony Bourdain to see if he’d spit the stuff across the room, like I do. Tony knows the good stuff. Unlike that crazy, guinea-pig-eating Andrew Zimmern. I say, never trust a man who’ll eat your pet.


One Response to South Beach Diet for Cats

  1. Kathy, Midlothian, VA says:

    Spaghetti squash, hmmm. It’s actually pretty good. I think the problem is the name – it leads you to expect it to taste like spaghetti. It’s nothing like spaghetti.

    It’s probably better than Fancy Feast, though.

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