Taking the Smartphone Plunge

By Karen

Call me old-fashioned, but I think anybody who goes around with a phone stuck upside their head because they’ve lost the ability to function without third-party feedback are the worst kind of stupid.

If you ever eavesdrop (it’s usually hard not to), they’re usually describing their location…

“I’m in Food Lion. At the checkout.”

They never give the full story, which is, “Slowly unloading my groceries with one hand, backing up the line, and ignoring the cashier so I can babble about nothing on my phone.”

I had a sweet little blue Samsung cellphone with a slide-out keyboard — that was never on. It was for when I needed to make a call, not to make myself available to interruption 24/7.

But for just the occasional call, without texting or data, I was paying Verizon $45 a month under a 2-year sentence contract. They said texts were 10 cents each, but every month I’d get a 20-cent charge for some useless text they’d sent me. So apparently, it was 10 cents to receive, and another 10 cents to read.

A few months ago they dangled a Samsung smartphone at me, real cheap. But to take that bait started a NEW 2-year sentence and raised my bill to $80+.

So last week I went to Sears to check out Consumer Cellular. It’s AARP’s preferred cellphone provider and runs on AT&T’s network.

For $150, I bought a Huawei (pronounced Wah-way) 8800 smartphone. It only runs Android 2.2 (aka “Froyo,” for “frozen yogurt”), which isn’t the latest version. But who needs frills when you don’t even know how to use the damn phone?

I have no long-term contract, and 150 voice minutes, 1,000 texts, and 100 MB of data (WAY more than I’ll ever use unless I develop an addiction) is $25 + tax a month. If I need more or less, I can change the plan any time.

The biggest snag I hit was with Google. You need Google email to access apps. When I entered my Google address, it sucked over 600+ email addresses from my AOL business account onto my smartphone, when all I wanted was a short list of personal phone numbers from my old Verizon phone.

(BTW, nothing from a Verizon phone is transferrable to CC because Verizon phones don’t have the interchangeable SIM card other carriers use. Way to put one last screw to your customers, Verizon!)

My Huawei’s relatively primitive capabilities should lessen the learning curve, but I had to call CC twice for help the first day. The reps were rather condescending, with one telling me I should LOVE having hundreds of junk email addresses on my new phone because it’s supposed to be the repository of my LIFE.

This whole endeavor boiled down to 1) Reducing some bills since Anthem hiked my health insurance another $50 a month, 2) Having text/data capability if I ever need/want it, and 3) Breaking out of Verizon’s yoke.

So far, so good with the Huawei, although my first game download (Bingo Blast) was too big for the screen and I couldn’t figure out how to play it. And I couldn’t buy a cute case anywhere (it’s an iPhone and Galaxy world), but I did order one from Amazon.

I don’t feel compelled to use the smartphone any more than my old one, and I don’t keep it on all the time. Why smartphones are an American obsession is still a mystery to me — but now I have one.

 

Microsoft’s Next-Gen Doorstop – Surface

By Karen

Yesterday Microsoft introduced a tablet computer to beat Apple’s iPad. They call it Surface, and it comes with a thin keyboard that doubles as a cover.

Why isn’t it named Wall, to go with Windows?

I wish my iPad had a keyboard, though. On-screen typing stinks, so when I need a keyboard, I use my netbook.

I do love my iPad for being always “on” so I can play games, watch videos, and surf the ‘Net on the fly. It’s also my e-reader because my Nook’s e-ink display is too dark indoors.

Microsoft might have a winner with Surface if it didn’t run Windows — Windows RT (ReTweet?) — apparently a watered-down version of the unreleased Windows 8, which you will be able to get on pricier, heavier Surfaces.

After torturing users forever with the “Blue Screen of Death,” unintelligible messages that all mean, “Your software crashed and we have no clue why,” and the nonstop torrent of updates and security patches, if we’ve learned anything, I hope it’s that Microsoft sucks at running computers.

And since the Surface will be entirely a Microsoft product, instead of their typical strategy of ruining some third-party manufacturer’s decent hardware with their crappy software, this venture seems to have “Fiasco” written all over its…surface.

Microsoft’s playing coy on pricing, and interestingly made no mention of battery life — sidestepping two basic user deal-breakers.

When I bought my tablet last year, I passed on Android models and paid nearly triple for the gold standard — iPad. But it’s been as close to brilliant as these things get.

I’m still trying to shake Microsoft’s brainwashing to fully embrace my iPad’s ease of use, but I can say it’s never driven me to the utter frustration and despair Windows has — in nearly every version back to MS-DOS.

Surfaces are supposed to go on sale this fall, which in Microsoft-speak means probably sometime in 2014. While a Surface won’t have the heft to prop a door open, once it craps out inexplicably and often enough to make itself useless, you can probably wedge it UNDER a door.

Here’s a review from CNET.

Solyndra Makes the Stomach Turn

By Cole

How does a solar panel company in sunny California manage to go bust, even with a huge infusion of government cash? That’s what a congressional committee wanted to know when they summoned Solyndra’s CEO Brian Harrison and CFO Bill Stover to ‘splain the company’s recent bankruptcy filing.

The men asked for a postponement to prepare themselves, and it was granted.

And when they finally got to Washington last week, they both took the 5^th and didn’t tell anybody a damn thing.

Hey, when you’re between jobs and hoping another company will hire you to run it into a ditch, you don’t spout off on C-SPAN and confirm how dumb you really are. Somebody in HR might be watching.

If Congress wants to know where our $528-535 million (it varies) went, why not check the bank balances of Solyndra’s top dogs? That’s usually where you find a big chunk of it.

They were happy to throw millions at lobbying efforts, so you know they weren’t paying themselves minimum wage.

Meanwhile, the government’s kneejerk reaction was to heap more red tape on other solar companies so it would be harder for them to succeed.

So not only did Solyndra royally screw American taxpayers, they’ve dealt solar technology a setback and played Obama for a fool in making them his green jobs poster child.

Even worse, their failure gave ammunition to right-wing crazies who think sucking fossil fuels out of the earth until it caves like a hollow chocolate Easter bunny, and then burning that “black gold” until there’s not a lungful of clean air left is a brilliant energy strategy.

These are the very same crazies Solyndra spent millions lobbying against.

Apparently, Solyndra was a money-sucking rathole long before it bought duped Obama’s administration. Bush knew it and turned down their first loan request.

It’s probably too much to hope that Solyndra’s management will go to jail, since Congress let Wall St. bankers off the hook after much worse.

But instead of saying, “I respectfully decline to answer any questions,” let’s hope Harrison and Stover end up doomed to repeat a question for the rest of their careers…

“Do you want fries with that?”

How Do Cats Drink?

By Cole

Scientists think they have figured out how cats drink. Guess what? Our lapping style is different from dogs’.

Well, DUH!

Dogs use their big, fat, sloppy tongues like ladles. We move the tip of our tongue with lightning speed to create a steady stream of water we suck in, sort of like a human at a drinking fountain.

Here’s the much more scientific description from the abstract in Science magazine…

A combined experimental and theoretical analysis reveals that Felis catus exploits fluid inertia to defeat gravity and pull liquid into the mouth.

I’ll tell you, this amazing “breakthrough” in human knowledge was greeted with a “Ho, Hum” in the Felis catus world. Every kitten knows how to defy gravity without giving it a second thought. Don’t those bozos know any cats?

One scientist said our lapping strikes “a balance between the inertia that makes the liquid rise into the cat’s mouth… and the gravity that makes the liquid fall,” and marvels that we have figured out all this complex science.

The heck with inertia and gravity. We call it thirst.

Cats supposedly lap about 4 times per second, but I may contact Guinness because I think I’m faster. I usually wet my face so, obviously, my gravity-defying skill is so superior, it shoots water right past my mouth.

Roman Stacker, an MIT engineering professor and the goofball who initiated this study after watching his cat Cutta Cutta drink, admits the research has no immediate practical application, but justifies it on the grounds that it may contain “evolutionary lessons” about why cats and dogs drink differently.

He thinks cats want to keep their whiskers dry and dogs don’t care about appearances.

Maybe he should look at the bigger picture and notice that a cat’s tongue goes with the rest of the cat. We’re lithe and agile inside and out so we can make dogs look like clumsy oafs.

That’s the real evolutionary lesson.

Hope Wins, for a Change

By Yul

Cats Working spent hours yesterday watching many of the trapped Chilean miners rise to the surface after 69 days of living like sewer rats. We were amazed at how well-groomed they looked. They must have spent a lot of time giving themselves lick-baths.

It was truly impressive that the authorities left no stone unturned (pardon the pun) to find the miners after 700,000 tons of rocks fell on them. And that the men kept themselves alive for 17 days until they were discovered, and continued to hope even when they learned it could be months before they were freed from their fetid inferno.

What we usually see in such seemingly futile situations, whether natural or man-made, are clueless suits with their thumbs up their butts, yakking about what they might do (see Hurricane Katrina), or making pledges they never deliver (see post-earthquake Haiti) while the people involved get sick, starve, and die.

As the rescue continued yesterday, we kept checking back, waiting for the other shoe to drop, as it always does. News that the capsule had broken down and it would take months to build another one. It got stuck mid-way or plunged to the ground when it was just 6 feet from the surface, killing the miner inside. It accidentally crushed a miner who should have been next and was eagerly standing too close as it completed its descent.

But, miraculously, none of that happened. The capsule worked almost flawlessly 35 times (2 additional guys went down to help the miners up). How often does tailor-made technology work so quickly and so well when lives are at stake (see BP Gulf oil spill)?

Maybe God got distracted and forgot to indulge his usually sadistic sense of humor at man’s expense by letting everybody get their hopes up, only to dash them for a celestial laugh (see “Mission Accomplished”).

Maybe the Devil got distracted and forgot to hold onto the miners’ feet to keep them from escaping hell (see victims of 9/11) while angels made sure they all lived.

Who knows? Cats can’t begin to understand or trust a being whose name spelled backward is “doG.”

But whoever or whatever watched over those miners, we’re just thankful that every one of the men survived.

Cats are Faster than SuperComputers

By Cole

And this is news?

Some engineer named Wei Lu at the University of Michigan is trying to build a computer as smart as a cat, because computers that already exist aren’t.

This new computer will have the capacity to remember and learn, which cats do effortlessly. It only takes one trip to the vet to learn we hate him, and we remember it every time you get the cat carrier out of the closet.

Lu said, “The cat brain…is much simpler than a human brain but still extremely difficult to replicate in complexity and efficiency.”

If that statement were true, then why haven’t humans got us all figured out yet? Why are some so baffled by our “inscrutable” feline ways that they get dogs?

Massive, sophisticated supercomputers with more than 140,000 CPUs and dedicated power can do certain tasks with the brain functionality of a cat, but they’re still 83 times slower.

Ask any mouse which he’d rather be chased by, a computer or a cat. No contest. That rodent knows he’s going down with a cat on this tail.

Here’s a fascinating story of a cat named Sasha who ingeniously used hair scrunchies to improve her dry food.

I bet Cats Working readers have a lot of stories about how cats are smarter than computers. Let’s hear them.

Verizon Strikes Again, Comcast Strikes Out

By Karen

After more “rate creep” by Comcast to almost $90/month for plain vanilla cable, Verizon bundled FIOS phone and TV for a few bucks more than I now pay for phone alone.

Verizon needs to work on their “Wait from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. for us to show up” policy, but the FIOS TV installation August 10 was seamless, thanks to Mike, a friendly technician from Indiana.

But on my phones, Verizon screwed up in classic mode. I just wanted my dedicated fax line merged into my main line with distinctive ring, retaining the fax number.

No problem, Verizon said. We’ll disconnect the fax line August 10, and reconnect it as distinctive ring August 11. They said it involved another service call, so I’d have to spend a second day waiting between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

No so, said Mike. That’s a remote switch. He even rearranged my phone jacks and reprogrammed my fax so I’d be ready. Then he called Verizon to confirm the phone work, and they told him my fax line had been disconnected since August 4.

WTF?

He gave me a number to call and verify the phone work, and that’s when things got interesting.

The first Verizon rep kept me on hold for half an hour before telling me I couldn’t keep my fax number, even though it was still available.

So I asked to be bumped up and got a nice woman who said I could keep my fax number. She even offered to switch it to distinctive ring on the spot, but the work order for August 11 was apparently set in concrete.

I just checked it, and my fax line works, so the switch was made. There’s just this little nagging mystery of why that line was disconnected a week early.

Verizon FIOS TV leaves Comcast in the dust. I never knew my TV could have such a clear, crisp picture. FIOS lets you access Internet information with widgets, even though I have Clearwire Internet. Accessing On Demand takes mere seconds. And Verizon threw in some free HBO so I can catch up on Season 2 of True Blood.

Superior TV for $80 less, but there are tradeoffs. We’ve lost our beloved horse racing channel, and I can no longer fax and talk on the phone simultaneously. But to dump Comcast, it’s worth it.

Rats Risk Their Lives to be Useful

By Fred

The Chinese Year of the Rat, which ends January 25, 2009, proved lucky for vermin. African Giant Pouched rats have two new career paths, although one is kind of kamakazi.

In Mozambique, rats in cute little harnesses and leashes (just like the red one Yul got for his aborted attempt to meet Santa) sniff out vapors from old landmines. Their noses are more sensitive than mechanical devices, and they’re so light on their feet, they don’t trigger explosions.

"Landmines smell just like kimchi!"

In fact, they’re making dogs, who could do this job, look oafish and inept.

Humans are so excited, they’re considering using rats to find landmines in other parts of Africa, Asia, and Europe. I personally have no problem with exposing rats to this sort of danger, but I would caution people against getting carried away.

You may train a rat to walk on a leash, but he’ll never be your friend. Don’t forget who brought you the Black Plague in the Middle Ages.

In Tanzania, rats are detecting less-than-microscopic traces of tuberculosis in human saliva samples. That must make for nice chit-chat at rodent cocktail parties:

“And what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a spit sniffer.”

Rats are much cheaper than sweatshop labor. When a rat finds what he’s looking for, he scratches, and is rewarded with a piece of fruit or a nut.

You may wonder, if the rats are so smart, why haven’t they realized they can just scratch and get the treat because humans can’t immediately tell if the rat’s done the work?

Here’s what rat trainer Bart Weetjens thinks: “That would be human behavior. The rats are more honest.”

If you’re interested in adopting one of these rodents (no, I’m not kidding), here’s the site for you.

Do We Really Need Fluorescent Cats?

By Adele

Even after a $2 billion presidential campaign, there’s no end to what humans will throw money at. Take Mr. Green Genes. He’s a 6-month-old orange tabby who’s been genetically rigged so his face glows lime-green under ultraviolet light.

(Photo - Rusty Costanza, Newhouse News Service)

Since cats see perfectly well in the dark, turning us into walking night lights is a useless mutation unless we ever decide to revive Disco.

So why do it? Researchers claim cat genes are like humans’, so they wanted to introduce a harmless (?!) new one they could easily track to see if their experiments work. They hope it will lead to human gene therapy breakthroughs, particularly in treating cystic fibrosis.

Meanwhile, this hapless cat, named after Captain Kangaroo’s sidekick on an ancient children’s TV show, has been enduring 15 minutes of fame. He wows ‘em merely by sitting there while somebody shines a black light on him. I caught his act on the Today Show recently. Humans are so easily amused.

They think Genes’ “business” glows in the dark as well, but so far no researcher has dared to “dig in” and find out if that’s true.

Genes came from a fertilized egg spiked with the fluorescent gene that was implanted into a surrogate mother, and he already has issues. For example, he doesn’t care for strangers or like being held unless it’s his idea.

Next, they plan to let him mate. His girlfriend will be in for a shock if her kittens glow.

Then the head researcher wants to take him home to live happily ever after with her other 2 cats. For Genes’ sake, I hope they don’t mind living with FrankenCat.

Flaky Fugitive Obsessed with Canine Boogers

By Adele

Fifty-eight-year-old Bernann McKinney made news recently for paying a South Korean firm $50,000 to clone 5 puppies from her late beloved pit bull Booger. As her photo cuddling the puppies was flashed worldwide, some thought she bore an eerie – if bloated – resemblance to Joyce McKinney, a former beauty queen who allegedly kidnapped a Mormon missionary in England in 1977, tied him to a bed as her sex slave, then jumped bail and prosecution.

Bernann McKinney with Booger clone - Photo Ahn Young-Joon, AP

At first Bernann denied being Joyce, although both women’s full names happen to be Joyce Bernann McKinney, they were both born in Newland, N.C., on the same day in the same year, and they share the same Social Security number.

Now she admits it’s her, but says the alleged sex crime was a tabloid fabrication because the missionary was willing. She was caught stalking him again in Utah in 1984 and skipped out on that trial, too.

My question is: Should she be propagating pit bulls? Bernann claims she did it out of love for the dog she saddled with a gross name, who died of cancer two years ago.

She found Booger on the side of the road nearly 12 years ago. A month later, he saved her life by throwing himself on her mastiff Tuffy, who was chewing Bernann to bits. Joyce survived, and once Booger recovered from his own injuries, he became her self-trained service dog during her long recovery. He could pull her wheelchair, open doors, retrieve clothes from the dryer, and help her remove her shoes and socks.

Brenann had tissue from Booger’s ear preserved, then gave up her home to raise the money to produce 5 replacement dogs, all of which bear variations of the name Booger. She just can’t let that demeaning, gag-inducing name go.

The innocent puppies, just a few weeks old, are now being raised by 2 surrogate Korean mutts who bore them.

Bernann plans to keep 3 pups and donate 2 to be trained as special needs dogs. She already has 5 other dogs and 3 horses.

But should an unrepentant sexual predator be breeding a herd of potentially vicious dogs? Doesn’t it sound a little too Boys from Brazil?

With so many harmless, homeless dogs dying in shelters, it would have been a greater tribute to a former stray like Booger to save already-born dogs. For what Bernann paid for clones, she could have given many dogs good lives.

In the end, this nut case is just setting herself up for heartbreak x 3. Those puppies have identical biological clocks. If she thought Booger’s death was traumatic, how’s she going to take it when his 3 descendents pass all at once? Will she go pounce on another missionary?

I don’t think she should be given a chance to find out.