Will Obama Kick General McChrystal to the Curb?

June 23, 2010

By Yul

UPDATE: OK, so Obama has left me wiping egg off my face, but we still don’t know for sure if he “ousted” McChrystal as some news sources are saying, or if McChrystal resigned. Either way, I think Obama screwed up and stand by my following prediction for the fallout.

I’ve gotta write this fast before Obama makes an announcement and you think I’m Monday morning quarterbacking, but no, I don’t think Obama will fire Stanley McChrystal or ask for his resignation. He’ll settle for some private ass-kicking and public humiliation, and then send McChrystal back to Afghanistan. That’s punishment enough.

What other choice does Obama have? McChrystal’s already his second general in Afghanistan. Going to a third one will just make Obama look like he’s flailing.

And he can’t let Rolling Stone bring down one of his top generals.

This situation reminds me of the infamous soldier-slapping incident that brought down General George S. Patton. One thoughtless misstep and suddenly Washington thinks the whole man is no good.

It’s our national obsession with form over substance rearing its ugly head again.

Besides, McChrystal wasn’t the only one who talked trash. I can’t blame him or his senior officers, who have all spent plenty of time in Afghanistan, to have some disdain for Obama and every other clueless suit in Congress and the Pentagon who has let this fiasco churn for 9 years.

And if Obama fires McChrystal, you can just hear Sarah Palin and her Republican cronies:

“How’s that ‘No Drama’ thing workin’ out for ya? I guess now you know how it feels when the lamestream media gets its claws into ya. If you can’t stand the heat, shut off the toaster!”

And McChrystal’s got Afghan President Hamid Karzai and other Afghan officials watching his back. Karzai called him the “best commander” of the war, which really isn’t saying much, since Karzai’s a tool, but he’s all Obama has to work with.

And since Obama claims we’re on the verge of pulling out anyway, is it really worth breaking in a new general over there?

So, I predict Obama won’t repeat the mistake Truman made with MacArthur, and Ike made with Patton, and waste another perfectly good general.

Top al-Qaida Leaders Killed — Again

April 21, 2010

By Yul

How many times do the “2 top al-Qaida leaders” have to get killed before they stay dead?

When are people going to realize that al-Qaida regenerates like a gecko’s tail? It grows new heads every time you cut one off.

And what happened to that Bush-era deck of cards with pictures of the top 52 bad guys? Did they all ever get captured or killed or, like Osama bin Laden, were the ones who got away quietly swept under the rug in hopes everybody would forget about them?

I must confess that I have such a hard time keeping the names straight, and the equally difficult nicknames they all seem to have, I can’t keep track.

Oh, great. While writing this, I just discovered another leader bit the dust.

Joe Biden called all this a “devastating blow” to al-Qaida. Yeah right, Joe. Until next Tuesday, when they have the new management team in place.

Now that we’ve supposedly got al-Qaida “on the run” and the Iraqi army is getting so adept at killing — after many years of being the only ones over there who weren’t — why should Obama wait until August to withdraw our troops? Let’s bring our soldiers home now and let the Iraqis have at it while they’re on a roll.

Is Karzai Losing It?

April 7, 2010

By Yul

Remember when Bush put Hamid Karzai in charge of Afghanistan? All anyone could talk about was Hamid’s dashing hats and capes. But today, Karzai reminds me of what Carrie Bradshaw of Sex & the City once called a squirrel:

He’s just a rat in a cuter outfit.

To cut Karzai some slack, the White House has been sending him mixed messages, so it’s no wonder he’s pissed and shooting his mouth off.

First, Obama committed 30,000 more troops to become Taliban cannon fodder. Then, on the night of March 28 with only an hour’s notice, Obama personally dropped in on Karzai for a good 25-minute talking-to.

On April 3, Karzai got everyone’s knickers in a knot by reportedly declaring that if the Afghan people perceive American presence as an invasion, he’d join the Taliban insurgency himself.

Now, even in jest, I can’t imagine Obama ever saying, “If the American people think I ran for president to push a black agenda, I’ll join the KKK.”

That’s crazy talk.

Karzai is also said to harbor delusions that we want to dominate the region, and that he could personally work a deal with the Taliban if only we’d go away.

Has he looked out a window lately? Why would anybody but extremist nut jobs want a piece of Afghanistan?

Karzai accused the West of meddling in the shady election he won last year. (I knew Bush would give us that reputation.) AND he’s been getting chummy with Obama’s other pain in the neck, Iran’s Mahmoud Amadinejahd.

Some people think Karzai has been smoking bad ‘nip and it’s affecting his judgment.

I believe he’s just a garden-variety tin-horn dictator who wants more freedom to be inept and corrupt, but Obama isn’t letting him have it.

But enough of allowing this guy to bite the hands that feed him. Obama needs to rethink our presence in Afghanistan. After 8 years, it high time Karzai started putting his own money where his mouth is.

Oslo to Obama: No Pressure!

October 11, 2009

By Yul

Nobody saw it coming — Norwegians putting Obama’s feet to the fire with a tongue-in-cheek Nobel Peace Prize. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to see my fellow black cat win a prize, but that one? For what?

It’s still business as usual in Iraq, and if Obama heeds his generals, things are about to take an ugly turn in Afghanistan.

For a change, everyone seems to agree on one thing: Obama was recognized mainly for not being George W. Bush. On the other hand, the day the Nobel was announced, we hauled off and bombed the moon.

Looking for ice. Yeah, whatever.

Obama is increasingly much talk, little action. Just ask gays. Or people waiting for deliverance from the scourge of private health insurers. On that score, Obama hasn’t just taken a backseat to Congress, he’s locked himself in the trunk. It’s become blatantly obvious that health insurance “reform” is all about protecting insurers’ precious profits. Any change that would actually reduce cost and waste — the private option, expanding Medicare, single payer — is DOA.

But will Obama be able to end Bush and Cheney’s wars? Will he de-nuke Ahmadinejad and get the Middle East to accept Israel? Will he ever get Americans to stop screaming and making themselves look foolish to the rest of the world?

I’m guessing not, and Obama will someday be hiding the Prize in a closet, but you have to applaud Norway’s off-beat way of reminding our president that talk is cheap and results would be nice.

What if Cats Wore Burqas?

June 23, 2009

By Adele

Since his wife Carla keeps a closet full of Dior, it’s no surprise French President Nicolas Sarkozy sees nothing chic about burqas and niqabs, those head-to-toe black things some Muslim women wear. Yesterday in a speech to parliament, Sarkozy called those women “prisoners behind a screen” with no identity, subservient and debased, and declared such dress unwelcome in France.

That got me thinking…what if by some bizarre twist of nature, dogs could make cats wear burqas? Forcing us under wraps with nothing but our eyes to contend with is the only way they could ever get the upper paw on us.

Dogs would be free to romp and play and pee everywhere. Cats would become identical-looking nonentities — sweltering in the sun, unable to run, jump, eat, or even wash our faces in public.

The robes would drag through our kitty litter, stifle our natural grace, keep our tails between our legs, and make vermin lose all respect for us. Before long, the planet would be teeming with rats gone wild and the plague would make a comeback.

Cats — useless, faceless, helpless — would have to sit there and watch mankind get wiped out while dogs just stood around barking their heads off.

If God, Allah, or Whoever intended for any of us to be shapeless blobs, we’d have been built that way in the first place. But we’re not. We’ve got parts and we’re supposed to use them.

I hope Sarkozy’s attempt to liberate Muslim women is accepted graciously, without riots or violence. He only wants to see who they are and let them realize their full potential.

In Iraq, Bush is “Man’s Best Friend”

December 16, 2008

By Fred

Those were no lame ducks George W. Bush made when he dodged a pair of shoes hurled at his head in Iraq, during his last visit at American taxpayers’ expense.

The incident got replayed on the news so many times, it looked like the whole room joined in. Our media’s only regret seemed to be that Muntadhar al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes, wasn’t wearing something with a stiletto heel.

I’m still trying to make sense of it all. I don’t get why Arabs revile something they must wear every day to protect their feet. By that logic, they should also loathe their headgear, underwear and, particularly, their handkerchiefs.

And then al-Zaidi yelled at Bush: “This is your farewell kiss, you dog!” like it was the worst possible insult.

Canines should be miffed, but I guess they can’t take to the streets in protest like the humans because the Iraqis have been shooting and poisoning dogs made stray by the invasion and occupation like everything’s their fault.

Bush, a dog-owner himself, took no offense to any of it. Possibly the remark was relayed in translation to him as, “He’s saying you’re his best friend!”

Later, Bush did claim to reporters that he saw al-Zaidi’s “sole.”

Meanwhile, al-Zaidi sits in jail while thousands of protesters who loved his behavior demonstrate, waving shoes and chanting, “Bush, Bush, listen well: Two shoes on your head!”

I hope that sounds better in their language. Here, shoe references will never have the relevance or immortality of, “Bush lied, people died!”

Move Over Lawrence, it’s Laura of Afghanistan

June 10, 2008

By Adele

Laura Bush must think there’s blockbuster potential in braving the wilds of Afghanistan in nothing but a pantsuit and pearls. Over the weekend, she made her third unannounced visit.

“Oh, no. Not again!” you can almost hear President Hamid Karzai wailing.

To keep al Qaeda and the Taliban off-guard, the crafty White House claimed Laura was some lowlier official. That way, it wasn’t too embarrassing that lots of taxpayer money was wasted protecting her when nobody even considered her worth a bomb or a bullet.

When she went to Bamiyan Province about 100 miles west of Kabul, they put her in a flak jacket and flew her in a nondescript Chinook chopper that dutifully bobbed and weaved over “suspicious” areas while machine-gun-toting soldiers lobbed flares out the doors to deflect nonexistent heat-seeking missiles.

That macho show must have thrilled Mrs. Bush, but it was lost on insurgents who were too busy negating her claims that the country’s making fine progress. They killed 3 British soldiers and 11 policemen, and made a kidnapped journalist turn up dead.

But nothing could wipe that glazed look or pasted-on smile from the First Lady’s face, a familiar expression that appeared in virtually every photo taken of her – with our troops, Afghan women, and children.

Speaking of children, she handed out tote bags in an orphanage to kids who’d probably be glad to trade “stuff” for living parents.

Still incognito, Laura flew out in a cargo plane specially fitted with a 60-foot RV for her comfort.

They never heard of seat cushions?

She and George met in Slovenia for a European Union summit, then they’re heading to Germany, Italy, the Vatican, France, England, and Northern Ireland on one last all-expenses-paid summer spree to visit leaders who are most likely counting the minutes until the Bushes leave the White House.

Would Obama Suck Up to Hitler?

May 19, 2008

By Fred

Speaking before Israel’s Knesset last week, George Bush alluded that Barack Obama’s such a wimp, he would have tried to make nice with Adolf Hitler. Back home, Bush’s Mini-Me, John McCain, quickly seconded the notion.

They both know all it takes is a hint at Hitler to upset people.

If the right people had tried talking to Hitler during his early, crazy-speech days, who knows? Maybe he could have been stopped before he wasted millions of innocent lives.

It’s called “knowing your enemy,” and I’d like to think Obama would have tried it before Hitler started conquering Europe and made military retaliation the only option.

Today, Iran’s President Ahmadinejad also makes crazy speeches, but so far he’s given no sign that he won’t listen to reason and bombs are the only answer. In fact, he tried to communicate directly with Bush by letter, only to be ignored.

I don’t get why Republicans prefer battlefields to conference rooms. It’s like they hate to complicate things by learning the other side’s true intentions and capabilities. They’d rather just start killing.

Come to think of it, that was Hitler’s approach. Kill now, ask questions…never.

And they make talking sound really perverse and nasty by calling it appeasement, bargaining, concession-making, conciliation, capitulation, weakness.

When one government dictates how the world should run, like ours is doing right now, negotiation and compromise become 4-letter words. Freedom and democracy become oxymoronic.

God forbid our leaders should look potential foes in the eye, gauge their honesty, and try to correct misunderstandings or reach agreements. Let’s just start a war over imagined wrongs or the mere possibility that verbal threats will be carried out. After all, that’s worked so well in Iraq.

I hope the next president lacks Bush and McCain’s empty, arrogant sense of superiority and isn’t above talking to anybody before the shooting starts. We’ll never win friends and influence people by killing them.

Continue Protecting Cheney? Are they Kidding?

April 10, 2008

By Fred

The Secret Service wants to spend $4 million to provide protection for Vice President Dick Cheney for at least 6 months after he leaves the White House. Talk about throwing money down a rat hole.

Is his safety worth $4 million?

As far as I can tell, rat holes are precisely where Cheney spends most of his time, hiding from all the terrorists his wars have created. It’s easy to picture Cheney scurrying through the DC sewer system from one undisclosed location to another, sticking his head out occasionally to predict, “Six more years of war. So what?”

They’re trying to justify continuing to guard Cheney by saying they did the same for Al Gore, Dan Quayle, and even Hubert Humphrey.

The only difference is that none of those Veeps engineered the deaths of 4,000+ American soldiers, maimed umpteen thousands more, and “freed” countless innocent Iraqi civilians by getting them murdered.

I don’t know why humans haven’t thought of this, but there’s a much cheaper way to give Cheney all the protection he needs. You just hand him a shotgun and promise him a lifetime supply of buckshot.

He’s already proven that he’s perfectly capable of shooting the face off anyone who gets in his way. Grant him immunity from prosecution (which he seems to have anyway), and watch the bodies start stacking up.

Seriously, Cheney deserves the same level of security he’s leaving the U.S. with – none. Thanks to his and Bush’s “anything goes” attitude toward torturing and killing anyone outside their own families, terrorists think anything they do is just tit for tat and nobody’s safe.

Dick Cheney on a Peace Tour?

March 18, 2008

By Fred

Just when I wondered what ever happened to Dick Cheney, he slithers from under his undisclosed rock and shows up in Baghdad. Why? To celebrate 5 years of American occupation, nearly 4,000 American deaths, and probably to promote war with Iran before he leaves office.


Cheney asking General David Patraeus, “Have you got enough bombs for Tehran?”

The last thing the Middle East needs is more blood-thirsty fanatics, including Cheney and John McCain. McCain just dropped in on Iraq for a photo-shoot to remind voters his nose is firmly up Bush’s butt when it comes to prolonging wars.

McCain’s itching to continue squandering billions on bombs and bullets while the U.S. economy goes under the fridge. What he and Cheney call “success” in the troop surge, the Iraqis call a “lull” in violence.

The Iraqis realize you can’t eliminate killers by out-killing them. Republicans thinking they can wipe out terrorists is as silly as cats thinking they can wipe out rats.

Sure, we can kill some vermin and scare the rest into hiding, but we’ll never make them extinct because they breed like – rats. There will always be a next generation.

This sudden faux concern for the Middle East seems a sorry attempt to whip up fear before the election. It worked in 2004 when they said, “You can’t change political parties in the White House while there’s a war (or 2 or 3) going on.”

What they omit, and some voters are too dense to fill in, is that these guys started these wars. The only way to end them is to put a sane, intelligent person in the Oval Office for a change.

Cheney visiting the Middle East to discuss peace is so ridiculous, it makes a cat laugh. Don’t be surprised if he comes home with another war under his belt.


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