Romney Finds His Soulmate

By Cole

In Hollywood parlance, I’m not sure if the new Republican ticket is Ryney (to rhyme with “whiny”) or Roman (pronounced like the cheap packaged noodles 99% of Americans will be eating if this pair wins).

On August 11, Mitt Romney continued his grand Foot in Mouth Tour with a visit to Virginia, standing in front of the battleship USS Wisconsin (because Republicans apparently need their symbolism that size to get it) and introducing to the world “the next president of the United States,” Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan.

You could almost hear foreheads being slapped off-camera as Ryan took the stage and began to speak, while Romney’s handlers turned Mitt around, saying, “YOU’RE the next president, REMEMBER??!!!”

Then Romney rudely interrupted Ryan by popping back into frame to explain with a nervous chuckle that he (Mitt) sometimes makes mistakes (ya THINK?) but, “I didn’t make a mistake with this guy.”

I predict that moment will be replayed widely on November 7 after Obama’s re-election, as Romney’s famous last words.

Paul Ryan is Sarah Palin in pants. Young (42), eager, ambitious, attractive, and rabid to spout off whatever the nuttiest fringe of the base wants to hear.

Granted, Ryan is intellectually leap years ahead of Palin because he does his homework, but the results are so far out in left field, he might as well be an idiot.

For starters, Ryney claim they can cut taxes and reduce the deficit simultaneously.

It sounds great in campaign-speak, but in plain English they’re saying, “We’re going to take in less money but pay more of the bills.”

And do this while increasing defense spending. In prep, perhaps, for yet a 3^rd Republican-instigated war — tag-teaming with Israel to make Iran a parking lot?

The only way they can possibly do all this is to brutally slash programs that actually help people, like Social Security, Medicare, infrastructure maintenance (roads, bridges), and education for starters.

It’s said Romney feels totally comfortable with Ryan, a red flag right there. Also, both men have kept their hookup under wraps since August 1, and Ryan intends to divulge only 2 years of tax returns. That should tell us something about how open and transparent a Romney administration would be.

The only comfort in all this is knowing that the vice-presidency is the world’s biggest non-job, and you can’t believe ANY candidate’s promises. Once they’re faced with Congress, all bets are off and it’s every greedy crook for himself. All these 10-year projections of deficits, savings, and surpluses are baloney because these guys won’t be around to see them through.

Romney took a bold chance picking his veep. He should ask John McCain how that worked out in 2008.

John McCain’s ‘Scorn and Disdain’

By Cole

And a Merry Christmas to him, too.

Obama’s finally putting a lid on Bush’s wrongheaded fiasco in Iraq, and Republicans are stomping their sour grapes. Apparently, squandering $1 trillion and killing 4,500 Americans and 100,000 Iraqis isn’t enough. The GOP wants more waste and bloodshed under its tree this Christmas.

On the final combat troop withdrawal, John McCain declared to the Senate, “I believe that history will judge this president’s leadership with the scorn and disdain it deserves.”

Yeah, like McCain’s stellar “leadership” when he unleashed that opportunistic nitwit, Sarah Palin, as his running mate. Three years later, she’s still spewing stupidity across the lower 48.

Republicans claim that Iraq is still so unstable, it will probably fall into Iran’s arms and stop being our friend.

Since we decided to shove democracy down its throat, when has Iraq ever been our friend? If Iraqis haven’t learned self-governance after nearly 9 years of hand-holding, what makes McCain think they’ll catch on if we stay 9 more — or 100?

Granted, facing reality is a real strain for Republicans, but the fact is that being a mess is the norm in the Middle East. We’ve watched them riot and depose murderous rulers they’ve tolerated for decades, only to end up going, “Ruh, roh! Now what?”

Even if Arab countries could fulfill their hearts’ desire and wipe out Israel, they’d probably just start picking fights with each other and escalate hostilities toward Christians, just for the fun of it. That region will NEVER be mini-America.

Nor should we want it to. Nearly half the U.S. is living in poverty or close to it, with little hope of escape.

Inadequate, unaffordable healthcare is steadily sucking the economy dry with NO end in sight, but Americans are in poorer health than those in most other industrialized nations.

Republicans have “scorn and disdain” for our black leader and try to keep him from accomplishing ANYTHING whenever they can.

Is that what McCain wants the Middle East to aspire to?

If they really do love this country so much and want to lead it again, McCain and his cronies would do better to stop deifying every wack-job who comes down the pike wanting Obama’s job, forget countries they can’t control, and start getting proactive about what CAN be fixed here at home.

Why Investigate Gadhafi’s Death?

By Cole

Last week while she was visiting Libya, Hillary Clinton told an audience of students…

“We hope he [Gadhafi] can be captured or killed soon so that you don’t have to fear him any longer.”

She got her wish. Within days, Moammar Gadhafi was dragged out of a drain pipe like a common sewer rat, beaten by the people he’d terrorized for decades while they ignored his pleas for mercy (he’d taught them well), and put of out his misery with a bullet (or several) to the head.

There’s now debate over whether the rebels executed him on the spot, or he bled to death en route to the hospital. His body was seen in an ambulance by Holly Pickett, a freelance photojournalist.

You say tomato, I meow tomahto…

Hillary’s saying she backs a UN investigation into how it all went down.

Why? Who cares? Somebody offed the bad guy. He’s a national hero. You want to put HIM on trial?

You can’t have it both ways, Hillary. You wanted Gadhafi dead, so don’t start acting all concerned now about the circumstances. The world agreed he needed killing. It’s done.

It’s better than paying for his upkeep in prison for years while he just went crazier and used his trial as a stage to deny his greed and atrocities, claim he was still beloved by all, and just piss everybody off even more.

We all know that could only have ended with his execution.

So rather than miring the country for years in the phony game of “Justice for Gadhafi,” he’s history and they can begin RIGHT NOW to rebuild the country.

NATO and the UN should just let the sleeping dog lie.

With “Friends” Like Pakistan…

By Yul

We did the happy dance at the news Osama bin Laden “sleeps with the fishes,” as Cole put it on Twitter. But after hearing details of the raid, every American right up to President Obama should be asking the Pakistani government…

WTF?

Osama’s compound was purpose-built in 2005 a mere mile from the Pakistani equivalent of West Point. Many residents in the surrounding neighborhood are supposedly retired military.

Do the Pakistani armed forces recruit only the blind?

For 6 years, NOBODY saw anything suspicious about this residence, which the media keeps describing as the “poshest” in the area, surrounded by 18-foot walls topped with barbed wire?

If this place is "posh," I'm a German Shepherd.

Osama had barely hit the ocean floor before our politicians started pussyfooting around, trying not to hurt Pakistan’s feelings. But this much is obvious to any idiot…

If the Pakistani government knew bin Laden was there all these years and didn’t tell us while we wasted a fortune hunting him in Afghanistan, they are the biggest two-faced backstabbers ever and should be thankful we don’t follow up by bombing them off the map.

If the Pakistani government didn’t know bin Laden was there, they are too stupid to run a country and FAR too incompetent to be entrusted with $7.5 billion in aid we’ve promised them over the next five years. Money, I might add, we don’t even have to give.

Either way, the good old American purse needs to be snapped shut on Pakistan until their government does some serious ‘splainin’ about their relationship with bin Laden and al-Qaida.

Our government has believed that we could buy Pakistan and Afghanistan’s loyalty and cooperation. But now the leaders of both countries have shown us they are frenemies who can’t be trusted.

It’s time to stop throwing money and lives down that rat hole.

Washington Fiddles While Drivers Get Burned

By Cole

The Middle East gets into a self-inflicted muddle and the news is suddenly full of stories about gas prices spiking to $4 a gallon and counting.

How much you want to bet that, next quarter, our major oil companies will break previous records AGAIN for unconscionable profits?

Today, they’re mumbling excuses that places like China are straining supply with their growing consumption. They know Americans aren’t going to buy the line that their driving habits are driving up prices. Too many people are out of work and too many people are still driving less since Big Oil’s last huge faux crisis after Hurricane Katrina.

I’m no mathematician, but if gas prices rose parallel to the cost of oil, oil company profits should remain flat. Yet they never do.

Oil companies seem to be pouncing on the opportunity to gouge while they can blame the Middle East.

Since nobody can predict when the Middle East will ever calm down (which is probably never), it’s Big Oil’s intention to inflate prices meteorically before anybody can stop them and make it the new “normal” for American families to spend most of their disposable income on gas. A year from now, “cheap” $5 gas will seem like something we dreamed.

As usual, Washington sits on its thumbs, waiting for another recession to hit before it even thinks about taxing Big Oil’s windfall profits. After all, the more money Oil has, the more politicians it can buy. So what if “little people” have to choose between gas and food?

Every price jump at the pump will fuel consumer fury, culminating in the next obscene oil profit announcement, and that fury will head for Washington like a freight train just as the 2012 election campaigns kick off.

Meanwhile Congress is playing on the tracks with oil company lobbyists.

Obama Trapped in Muslim Mudslide

By Yul

For a fellow black cat, President Obama sure doesn’t seem to have my surefootedness nor an ability to land on his feet when he gets himself into a jam, as he did on August 13 during a dinner at the White House for Muslim leaders to honor their holy month of Ramadan. In a prepared speech, he brought up the proposed mosque 2 blocks from Ground Zero and said…

“As a citizen, and as president, I believe that Muslims have the . . . right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances.

“This is America, and our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakable. The principle that people of all faiths are welcome in this country, and will not be treated differently by their government, is essential to who we are. The writ of our Founders must endure.”

It certainly sounded like he has no problem with that mosque. So naturally, it gave the right-wing wackos reason to scream, “See, what did we tell you? He’s a closet MUSLIM! One of THEM!”

So the next day, Obama tried to backtrack by saying…

“I was not commenting and I will not comment on the wisdom of making the decision to put a mosque there. I was commenting very specifically on the right people have that dates back to our founding.”

He’s beginning to remind me of that Woody Allen character, Zelig, who would try to fit in everywhere by morphing into whatever type of person he was with.

I agree with Adele that if Muslims want to build a “community” center, fine. But making it a mosque intentionally excludes everybody but, uh, Muslims.

Obama certainly could have handled it better and sounded like he wasn’t caving to extremism. Michael Graham of the Boston Herald eloquently provided the words Obama could have and should have said.

Obama Talks to Karzai RE: McChrystal

By Yul

So Obama accepted Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s resignation (which the media generously calls a “sacking” to boost Obama’s new bad-ass image), and Gen. David Patreaus is going in. They said Obama called Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai to deliver the news, so imagine me as the kitty under his desk, secretly listening in…

Obama: Hi, Hamid? Barack here.

Karzai: Ah, Mr. Obama. A thousand felicitations. How are you?

O: Could be better. I’ve got BP holding on the other line, so let me get right to the point. I’m calling because there’s been a slight change of personnel in our efforts to turn your country into a Western-style Muslim-hating, God-fearing Christian nation.

K: Are you referring to my friend, Stan? The one who talked to that American magazine. What is it? Rock and Roll?

O: Rolling Stone.

K: Yes, that’s the one. I was just reading it. Stan and his men, how do you say it? — they drilled you a new one, ha, ha! — but they really seem to like Hillary.

O: (Tone turns icy) General McChrystal did not live up to the high ideals I expect in a seasoned military professional who carries out, without question, whatever orders I give. It’s the cornerstone of our democracy, so McChrystal had to go.

K: So, you’d rather prove to the whole world that you have thin skin, can’t take a joke, and let some hippie magazine determine your foreign policy? And you call me weak? You should lighten up, my friend. Life’s too short — you’d know that if you lived here.

O: Sorry, levity is out of the question, Hamid. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate and my hair is getting grayer by the minute. I don’t need any trash-talking general bad-mouthing me and Biden, so I’m replacing McChrystal with General David Petraeus.

K: The Butcher of Baghdad?

O: No, that was Saddam. Patraeus is a fine man. He’ll be a big help to you.

K: Can he be bought?

O: Of course not. He has utmost integrity, and I’d trust him with my life.

K: Then he’s no use to us. You might as well let him stay home. Oh, sorry to cut this short, Barack, but I’ve gotta go. I’m meeting the Taliban for lunch.

Will Obama Kick General McChrystal to the Curb?

By Yul

UPDATE: OK, so Obama has left me wiping egg off my face, but we still don’t know for sure if he “ousted” McChrystal as some news sources are saying, or if McChrystal resigned. Either way, I think Obama screwed up and stand by my following prediction for the fallout.

I’ve gotta write this fast before Obama makes an announcement and you think I’m Monday morning quarterbacking, but no, I don’t think Obama will fire Stanley McChrystal or ask for his resignation. He’ll settle for some private ass-kicking and public humiliation, and then send McChrystal back to Afghanistan. That’s punishment enough.

What other choice does Obama have? McChrystal’s already his second general in Afghanistan. Going to a third one will just make Obama look like he’s flailing.

And he can’t let Rolling Stone bring down one of his top generals.

This situation reminds me of the infamous soldier-slapping incident that brought down General George S. Patton. One thoughtless misstep and suddenly Washington thinks the whole man is no good.

It’s our national obsession with form over substance rearing its ugly head again.

Besides, McChrystal wasn’t the only one who talked trash. I can’t blame him or his senior officers, who have all spent plenty of time in Afghanistan, to have some disdain for Obama and every other clueless suit in Congress and the Pentagon who has let this fiasco churn for 9 years.

And if Obama fires McChrystal, you can just hear Sarah Palin and her Republican cronies:

“How’s that ‘No Drama’ thing workin’ out for ya? I guess now you know how it feels when the lamestream media gets its claws into ya. If you can’t stand the heat, shut off the toaster!”

And McChrystal’s got Afghan President Hamid Karzai and other Afghan officials watching his back. Karzai called him the “best commander” of the war, which really isn’t saying much, since Karzai’s a tool, but he’s all Obama has to work with.

And since Obama claims we’re on the verge of pulling out anyway, is it really worth breaking in a new general over there?

So, I predict Obama won’t repeat the mistake Truman made with MacArthur, and Ike made with Patton, and waste another perfectly good general.

Top al-Qaida Leaders Killed — Again

By Yul

How many times do the “2 top al-Qaida leaders” have to get killed before they stay dead?

When are people going to realize that al-Qaida regenerates like a gecko’s tail? It grows new heads every time you cut one off.

And what happened to that Bush-era deck of cards with pictures of the top 52 bad guys? Did they all ever get captured or killed or, like Osama bin Laden, were the ones who got away quietly swept under the rug in hopes everybody would forget about them?

I must confess that I have such a hard time keeping the names straight, and the equally difficult nicknames they all seem to have, I can’t keep track.

Oh, great. While writing this, I just discovered another leader bit the dust.

Joe Biden called all this a “devastating blow” to al-Qaida. Yeah right, Joe. Until next Tuesday, when they have the new management team in place.

Now that we’ve supposedly got al-Qaida “on the run” and the Iraqi army is getting so adept at killing — after many years of being the only ones over there who weren’t — why should Obama wait until August to withdraw our troops? Let’s bring our soldiers home now and let the Iraqis have at it while they’re on a roll.

Is Karzai Losing It?

By Yul

Remember when Bush put Hamid Karzai in charge of Afghanistan? All anyone could talk about was Hamid’s dashing hats and capes. But today, Karzai reminds me of what Carrie Bradshaw of Sex & the City once called a squirrel:

He’s just a rat in a cuter outfit.

To cut Karzai some slack, the White House has been sending him mixed messages, so it’s no wonder he’s pissed and shooting his mouth off.

First, Obama committed 30,000 more troops to become Taliban cannon fodder. Then, on the night of March 28 with only an hour’s notice, Obama personally dropped in on Karzai for a good 25-minute talking-to.

On April 3, Karzai got everyone’s knickers in a knot by reportedly declaring that if the Afghan people perceive American presence as an invasion, he’d join the Taliban insurgency himself.

Now, even in jest, I can’t imagine Obama ever saying, “If the American people think I ran for president to push a black agenda, I’ll join the KKK.”

That’s crazy talk.

Karzai is also said to harbor delusions that we want to dominate the region, and that he could personally work a deal with the Taliban if only we’d go away.

Has he looked out a window lately? Why would anybody but extremist nut jobs want a piece of Afghanistan?

Karzai accused the West of meddling in the shady election he won last year. (I knew Bush would give us that reputation.) AND he’s been getting chummy with Obama’s other pain in the neck, Iran’s Mahmoud Amadinejahd.

Some people think Karzai has been smoking bad ‘nip and it’s affecting his judgment.

I believe he’s just a garden-variety tin-horn dictator who wants more freedom to be inept and corrupt, but Obama isn’t letting him have it.

But enough of allowing this guy to bite the hands that feed him. Obama needs to rethink our presence in Afghanistan. After 8 years, it high time Karzai started putting his own money where his mouth is.