Suave Vampire is Back in Depp’s “Dark Shadows”

By Karen

Rumors to the contrary, Johhny Depp is starring in a new Dark Shadows movie and Barnabas Collins will rise again.

The original Barnabas, Jonathan Frid

Years ago, I was a minor vampire expert, starting with Dark Shadows every day after school. That led to insatiable reading: Dracula by Bram Stoker, 40+ DS novels by Marilyn Ross (I still own the complete set), ‘Salem’s Lot by Stephen King, a children’s book called Bunnicula, Anne Rice’s books, beginning with Interview with the Vampire, and dozens more, fiction and “non-fiction.”

I finally burned out on Lestat and stopped doing research, so this new crop of vamps snuck up on me. But they’re so popular, I feel compelled to check them out.

So far, I’m unimpressed. They’re so ordinary.

Edward Cullen is a kid in Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series.

Bill Compton is a redneck who seems covered with dirt more often than not in HBO’s True Blood, based on Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse novels.

I can’t wait for Barnabas to come back and show them how it’s done.

In an interview with Collider.com, producer Richard Zanuck confirmed that Depp is teaming up with Tim Burton in summer 2009 to film Dark Shadows in London.

Depp will be about the same age (46) actor Jonathan Frid was as Barnabas, but that’s probably where the similarity ends, except for superficial trappings like the onyx ring, the Inverness cape, the wolf’s head cane.

Depp will undoubtedly make Barnabas suave, sexy, and irresistible. A mysterious, mature Don Juan DeMarco – with fangs.

I haven’t been this excited since Sex and the City: The Movie.

Here’s a great picture of Depp as Barnabas in the portrait that hung in Collinwood’s foyer.

And I found some interesting speculation on casting for the movie. I could see Paul Giammatti as Willie Loomis, even though he might think it’s a come-down from John Adams.

Vampire purists should be thrilled by the return of Barnabas Collins.

My Brush with Van Johnson

By Karen

Reading that actor Van Johnson passed away at age 92 sent me digging for an old theater program, some newspaper clippings, and my journal chronicling the night he played Richmond, Virginia.

It was December 15, 1987. He appeared for a week at the Carpenter Center in a locally written play called The Twelve Dreams of Christmas. I was there and wrote:

The play was horrible. Van Johnson was too virile. He said later his part should have been played by Captain Kangaroo.

I got to go to a reception afterward. Johnson came in and stood near me, but didn’t notice me. He affably shook everyone’s hand, but only stayed 10-15 minutes.

I captured him eating a ticket to the bad play.

I’d just seen him in State of the Union and hung back, star-struck, thinking of all the greats he’d known (Tracy and Hepburn, Gene Kelly, Humphrey Bogart).

For 71, he was extremely fit and healthy – even sexy. I was never a great fan, but I am now. I wonder what gives certain people such magic?

He was a true professional toward the other actors, particularly his co-star, Victoria Mallory, who got all the attention. My heart really went out to Van because of the lousy play, lousy microphone, and his lousy part. He handled it all with dignity, and even told an interviewer before the show opened that the script was “beautiful.”

Johnson wasn' too bad for 71

The local papers panned the play. How Van Johnson got involved in such a train wreck is a mystery, except maybe he still wanted to work and had to say yes to anything.

I still stop and watch two of his movies any time I catch them on TV: Brigadoon and The Caine Mutiny.

As the stars of Hollywood’s heyday disappear, few of the current crop seem able to replace them. The studio system gave us personalities larger than life, and actors today just don’t have the same magnetism.

Van Johnson, I’ll miss you.

Has Anthony Bourdain Had a Facelift?

By Karen

Cats Working reader, Merrida, has suggested that Anthony Bourdain had some “work” done to minimize the 20+ year spread in age between him and his wife Ottavia. Could it be true?

He could certainly afford it. Forbes just revealed that Bourdain is the 10^th highest paid celebrity chef, pulling in $1.5 million a year. That’s quite a feat, since he hasn’t even been a chef since his book, Kitchen Confidential, hit the bestseller list in 2000.

I’ve been watching the new episodes of No Reservations closely and, frankly, he doesn’t look any better (or worse) to me.

See for yourself: Here’s a close-up that Drive-Thru blogger Cinnamon Cooper snapped of Bourdain just last week while he was filming NR in Chicago.

Bourdain at Hot Doug's - Photo by Cinnamon Cooper

I see a wrinkled forehead, crow’s feet, puffiness under the eyes, a bit of sag in the jowls. If some plastic surgeon did any of that, he needs to be sued for malpractice.

I’d be disappointed if Bourdain resorted to such artifice to hang on to the shreds of his youth. He strikes me as a man who’d see his wrinkles and bags as trophies won after too many hours under the blazing suns of exotic places, and proof of a life lived well – and hard.

But if Tony’s even contemplating plastic surgery, I suggest he check out the once-sexy Peter O’Toole, who has been rendered a sad, smooth caricature of himself:

Now Let’s Dish on Sex & the City

By Karen

First, I thank my local Carmike Cinema for cropping every frame of S&TC: The Movie so only wisps of opening credits were visible and the top of every head was cut off in all but wide-angle shots. If I hadn’t been waiting months to see this flick, I would have stomped out and demanded a refund. But now I have an excuse to see it again in a proper theater.

Although the movie was roughly 5 TV episodes long, I was sorry to see it end.

I wonder if Cynthia Nixon is pissed off and distanced herself when she realized Miranda’s the arch villain in the final cut? Did you notice how she showed up at the London, German, and New York premieres looking like the odd man out – full-length when everyone else was cocktail, in white when they all wore metallic?

I suspect early, sympathetic scenes of Miranda were shot to make her split from Steve justifiable, then dropped.

I also think the rumor of a character’s death was true, and it was Steve’s mother (Anne Meara). In an interview, David Eigenberg mentioned speaking to Meara on the set, and she was referenced several times in the movie, but she’s not in it. My theory is that Miranda helped Steve grieve his mother’s death, which is why she feels totally betrayed when he confesses to cheating. It’s the only logical explanation for her over-the-top reaction.

Charlotte is the undisputed good guy. Kristen Davis’ sunny character was the only one who translated intact from TV to screen. Without Charlotte, the film would be a relentless downer. But in the cutting, I think she and Harry probably got screwed out of a tender scene together (with dialog) about having their baby. They were the only couple who didn’t get a “moment,” and it would have been Evan Handler’s only reason to get dressed and report to the set.

All the men got short shrift. Relationship scenes took a back seat to empty, but expensive, fillers with the girls, such as the fashion show where Samantha gets blood thrown on her white fur.

But fans already get it. Samantha loves New York and they’re all into clothes.

However, the men who should really feel slighted are Mario Cantone and Willie Garson (Anthony Marantino and Stanford Blatch, respectively). Their colorful personalities were wasted. Yet, they suddenly become a couple, but when, where, or how it happens is a mystery.

Jennifer Hudson holds her own as Carrie’s assistant, Louise from St. Louis. She had potential to develop her role in a sequel, but they send her packing back to St. Louis after she reorganizes and revives Carrie.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s hints at Carrie’s storyline were greatly exaggerated. She was referring to the fact that 40-something Carrie now spends days comatose in bed after a guy dumps her, incapable of pulling herself together without outside intervention.

The uplifting message there is that as we get older, breakups get even harder, and we’ll all curl up and starve ourselves to death unless we have a circle of caring friends.

Speaking of starving, SJP, unfortunately, seems to be trapped into looking like a nail-biting, bony, bow-legged 12-year-old so she can still fit into her tutu from the TV series’ opening credits while everyone around her ages gracefully – particularly Kim Cattrall.

I misted up when Carrie got the fateful phone call from Big. Through much practice, SJP has perfected getting jilted, and the fury she unleashed in the street was exactly what Big deserved for not protesting such a ridiculously flimsy plot device behind his cold feet. Since when has Big ever been that insecure?

I think my criticisms could be remedied with an uncut DVD release. In any event, it was still thrilling to see the girls together again, even though the new theme song’s shallow lyrics fit the movie perfectly. Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha inhabit a world of pure fantasy that I love, and I wish their adventures never had to end.

Sex & the City Suspense is Killing Me

By Karen

Harry Potter trained the media to stay pretty mum about Sex and the City: The Movie, so I’ve been stewing over this bit I found in this interview with Sarah Jessica Parker:

But some of her scenes in the film were difficult to handle as well, because before it ends, Carrie is plunged into a life crisis far more intense than anything in the television series. Parker was unprepared for the personal stress these sequences caused her.

“The harder stuff, the emotional stuff Carrie has never experienced before, was just very painful,” she admits. “It was surprisingly upsetting. But it was the role of a lifetime – I wouldn’t have run from it. I ran toward it completely, but it was very sad to see this happen to her. I was so proud and shocked and relieved that a studio let us tell that story. But it wasn’t easy.”

Screenwriter Michael Patrick King swears all the rumors of a death are untrue.

SJP can’t be talking about some trauma with Big, because she got plenty of practice breaking up or getting dumped by him during the series.

Is she just being melodramatic? Or could she at last be sprouting a family and a past that comes back to haunt her in a horrible way?

The movie premieres in New York tonight and opens all over Europe tomorrow, but American fans must wait until Friday to have this burning question answered.

Then once it is, what will I do with the rest of my summer?

Sex and the City Movie Has a Companion Book

By Karen

New Line’s sticking to its strategy to keep the U.S. clueless as long as possible, but India reported a companion book for Sex and the City: The Movie to be released on May 30. But it’s on Amazon.com for pre-order.

Sex and the City: The Movie’s book is a 176-page hardcover companion written by Amy Sohn. She got the story from the script, and the book went to press before Michael Patrick King finished editing the film, so it’s supposed to have more characters and plot than we’ll see on the screen.

It also includes behind-the scenes material on the cast, the fashions (I’ve read that Sarah Jessica Parker alone has 81 costume changes), and the locations. With more than 300 full-color photos, it retails for only $29.95 – a bargain by today’s standards.

I know it’s going to look fabulous beside my boxed set of the series in its faux hot-pink velvet binder.

People are getting sneak peaks at the film on both sides of the pond and I’ve seen nothing but raves. Someone mentioned that you don’t know if Carrie and Big end up together until the last few minutes. That sounds good to me!

Michael Patrick King also denies he killed anyone important because it’s supposed to be a light summer movie. So I hope the dire rumors that someone dies were just that. I want my girls to go on forever.

Note: Amy Sohn also wrote Sex and the City: Kiss and Tell, the official companion book to the series. An updated edition came out in 2004, but I’ve never seen it. It contains more than 750 full-color photos and, according to reader reviews, they’re probably the best part. There’s one particularly scathing review on Amazon by Kris the Bookworm. She knows her S&TC inside-out (proving I do, too, because I followed everything she said). She’s got me hoping Sohn does a better job on the movie book.

Sex & the City to Debut First in EUROPE

By Karen

It’s an outrage, pure and simple. Sex and the City: The Movie’s first showing is on May 12 in London’s Leicester Square.

New Line is rationalizing that it’s not really the premiere because the whole cast won’t be there. Just Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Catrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis. Chris Noth isn’t attending, so none of it counts.

Since when is it all about Mr. Big? Who do they think they’re kidding?

After all the support New York has given this enterprise, I can’t believe they’re dissing it this way. The movie doesn’t open in Manhattan until May 27 at Radio City Music Hall.

I’ve also read that NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s cameo appearance ended up on the cutting room floor.

It came as a relief when someone decided to skip Cannes because it means one less chance for the whole plot to leak out, but you know how the British tabloids are. We’ll be lucky if there’s anything left to know about the film before it opens in U.S. movie theaters on May 30.

To add insult to injury, the soundtrack is being released in Germany on May 23, but not until May 27 in the U.S.

I’m wondering where they got the idea that Europe made the show a big hit before it caught on here. To express my disgust, I’d like to stay home and wait for the DVD – but I know that’s not going to happen. Damn them!

Could New Sex & the City Theme be More Shallow?

By Karen

The new Sex & the City theme song by Fergie, “Labels or Love,” was quickly yanked from YouTube last week, but nothing ever disappears completely from the ‘Net.

The music was OK, incorporating the familiar TV theme, but those silly lyrics… Read them for yourself.

After months of bloggers and the media constantly scooping them, I just noticed that New Line Cinema has finally put some worthwhile content on the movie’s official site.

Fans are drooling for details – even as we hope we don’t get them so the movie will still hold surprises.

Since the show ended, I’ve been watching every episode in an endless loop from my boxed collection in faux hot-pink velvet. I’ve got mixed feelings about the movie, which picks up the story 4 years later.

The only way it could possibly work is to shovel on heartache and disaster (which the previews do imply). But do I really want to see my glamorous girls, who must be growing bunions by now, getting mugged by life?

I’ll be disappointed if Carrie marries Big, although he’s strung her along for a decade now. And what’s with the bad wedding dress? Didn’t Patricia Fields have a box of Kleenex to help Sarah Jessica Parker fill out that bust?

If Charlotte ends up with two children, she’ll have to transfer to Desperate Housewives because happily married mothers with 2 kids are boring – a point the show made several times.

We know someone dies. I’m afraid it’s Samantha, although it would make more sense to whack Big so Carrie would be free for the second sequel, if there is one.

But Kim Catrall probably jumped at the chance to get S&TC behind her by putting Samantha 6 feet under. She obviously wants a fresh start and made sure the movie financed it by demanding enough money to buy a new flat in London.

Fergie’s brainless song doesn’t bode well as we wait for May 30 with anticipation and dread.