Matt Lauer Gets a Taste of Karma

By Adele

Folks, remember, you read it here first: The Today Show kicked out Ann Curry for hurting the ratings, yet, as I predicted, that snowball’s still rolling downhill.

We switched to CBS This Morning the day after Ann left, but we still start the day with local news on NBC. Then Karen waits until Today begins and Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie come on screen before she pointedly changes the channel. She says it still feels good, too.

Apparently, our defection isn’t the only one, because Good Morning America has been eating Today’s lunch lately.

So now who are they going to blame? Is Al Roker next in line for a pink slip for not making the weather entertaining enough?

The New York Post reports Lauer has turned into an “anchor animal,” trying to rule the Today roost like an executive producer, and his IQ popularity numbers are down 25%.

Lauer claims he’s open to new ideas for the show. He should have read the slew of ideas I supplied right before Ann Curry left.

But now, the only idea that may actually work is to say “buh-bye” to Matt Lauer. Maybe Katie Couric could use a gofer on her new show.

Bourdain’s ‘Get Jiro!’ an Acquired Taste

By Karen

THIS JUST IN: Bourdain’s cooking competition with Nigella Lawson on ABC to be called The Taste and run for 8 episodes. Read more at Variety.

Now, back to the original post…

Anthony Bourdain may be spawning yet another new writing genre — apocalyptic culinary science fiction — with his first graphic novel, Get Jiro!

A lot of it went over my head, but I assume foodies will marinate with glee in the gastronomic references and restaurant inside jokes. And there are enough lopped-off limbs and beheading gross-outs to appeal to teenage boys who wouldn’t know good sushi rice from Rice Krispies.

Tony covered a lot of familiar ground with the food, including recreation of the infamous ortolan scene from Medium Raw. He also got in his digs at vegans, locavores, fast food, fat people, restaurant chains, and Alice Waters.

Visually, it’s beautiful, with cinematic artwork by Langdon Foss and Jose Villarrubia that features many mood-evoking futuristic cityscapes.

But I didn’t particularly “hear” Tony’s voice until this impassioned speech near the end: “We make BEAUTIFUL revolution, so you and I, brother and sister, our children…without shame…can live and cook foods we love without oppression from IMPERIALIST JACKALS who make us buy their SHIT INGREDIENT and live like dogs!”

Speaking of dogs, he included a few cats. We first see Jiro in his restaurant with a manekineko (Japanese beckoning cat) in the window, and a couple of real cats have walk-ons in a restaurant scene.

Be warned: This may be just the beginning for Jiro. The ending screams “sequel!”

Tor did a far more insightful review of the book than I could ever hope to write.

Bourdain gave a good interview to Comic Book Resources.

In other news…

Belated “Happy Birthday!” Tony turned 56 on June 25. Broward Palm Beach NewTimes suggested 5 gifts for him.

And “Congratulations!” No Reservations won the Critics’ Choice 2012 TV Award for Best Reality Series.

When Tony visited Jimmy Fallon recently, backstage he filmed this little video on how to make negronis, a concoction of Campari, gin, and sweet vermouth — with a slice of orange.

The Bourdain and Ripert families rented houses in the Hamptons this summer, and Tony and Eric did a Hamptons magazine cover shoot where they modeled some clothing and accessories. Eric sported a $38,000 Rolex.

The accompanying article misstates Tony’s birthplace as NYC, and then makes a rookie usage error in the second paragraph about how Tony’s paid Eric many “complements” in Kitchen Confidential. But then the inept intro gives way to a straight transcript of a great conversation between Tony and Eric.

Here’s some video of Tony and crew eating around NYC for Vice.com and paying a surprise visit to Les Halles.

Andrew Zimmern talks these days like he and Bourdain are BFFs and praises Tony effusively. On the other hand, just about every time I’ve ever heard Bourdain mention Zimmern, he’s a punchline.

Bourdain recently raised $10K for the NYC Food Bank by skydiving in tandem with the COO of Air Canada.

Ottavia, in addition to earning her blue belt recently (Congrats!), is executive producer on a pilot for a scripted Web series about the restaurant business called “Employees Only.”

Still no word on names for Bourdain’s new shows on CNN and ABC.

Ann Curry Shows NBC What Class Is

By Adele

This morning Ann Curry announced her departure from Today, and they actually let her speak for a whole 2:10 uninterrupted minutes, which may be a record.

It happened at about 8:55 a.m., after Ann had gamely logged her 2 final hours as co-host.

Ann said she’s staying with NBC to do news, and it’s unfortunate the ingrate network will still reap the benefit of her journalistic skills.

Speaking of journalism, Today is right on track to realize it was already down the crapper long before Ann became co-host. Immediately after Ann’s heartfelt farewell and a commercial break, they switched gears by launching Savannah Guthrie’s hour with cake-decorating with Martha Stewart.

On the other hand, earlier they had let Al Roker talk to popular authors Charlaine Harris (the Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood series) and Janet Evanovich about summer reading, and let them mention 6 or 8 books apiece, although the last few got one-word recommendations for the usual reason — more commercials.

(Evanovich recommended Anthony Bourdain’s Medium Raw. She said she loves him, but hates him for being a better writer than she is.)

It was a feeble attempt to raise the bar on content, but too little, too late.

I hope Ann is just staying on while she considers other opportunities, and the day comes soon when she leaves NBC’s stinking corpse to rot.

(We’re also pissed at NBC for stupidly canceling Kathy Bates’ Harry’s Law, its second most-watched drama, behind Smash, but ahead of Law & Order: SVU.)

Talent and quality mean absolutely nothing to those people. They’re worse than Travel Channel.

Meanwhile, CBS, here we come!

‘Today Show’ Producers Have a Death Wish

By Adele

It’s like watching a slow-mo train wreck on the Today Show. Ann Curry somehow manages to carry on with grace while NBC execs continue to crap on her good name rather than take responsibility for their own failures in the ratings.

And now it seems they’re seriously considering the vowel-challenged Hoda Kotb to be Matt Lauer’s new sidekick.

REALLY??!! Can anybody even pronounce “Kotb?”

Thanks to NBC, Hoda’s image is of a middle-aged mid-morning drunk who dresses like she thinks she’s a hot 25-year-old.

Just the type to play Matt Lauer’s straight man — NOT.

And where does that leave Hoda’s booze-buddy, Kathy Lee Gifford? Will they pull Regis Philbin and his creepy perm out of retirement and prop him up beside her?

The people at Good Morning America must be dancing for joy. NBC is as hard-pressed to find a decent morning host within its ranks as the Republicans are for a presidential candidate who doesn’t make you hurl hairballs.

Giving Hoda more prominence will be the kiss of death to the Today Show — and it will be well-deserved.

Ann Curry Not Today Show’s Problem

By Adele

I’ve been watching the Today Show since I was a kitten, and it’s been going downhill for years. But this hatchet job on Ann Curry is the last straw. Can you say…

Hello, Good Morning America!

You know things are bad when I’m driven into the arms of Oprah’s BFF, Gayle King.

Reportedly, they’re paying Ann Curry $10 million to take a mid-contract hike, blaming her for Today’s sagging ratings.

But the NBC suits seem conflicted on how Ann is single-handedly destroying the show. They do agree she makes a dandy scapegoat.

To stroke Matt Lauer’s massive ego, Ann has dumbed it down and smiled through cringe-worthy drivel they keep throwing at her. I’d like to see her go back to serious news. She’s more of a Christiane Amanpour type anyway.

And here are some suggestions for NBC to salvage Today…

• Cut the inter-cast banter. They should take a backseat to the news.
• Tell the cast to SHUT UP and let guests answer interview questions (Meredith Vieira was the worst; nobody could get a word in).
• Present actual news. Too often, what comprises a “story” is nothing but reiterated teaser fluff. You make viewers wait and wait…and wait to FINALLY see stories, but too often our reaction is, “That’s IT?”
• Speaking of teasers, cut the BS “Up next, but first…,” and “Straight ahead, after this…” The delays are maddening, and you usually pull a bait and switch and don’t even show the next freaking story next. Say a story is “coming right up” and mean it, damn it.
• Don’t imply you’ve got a live body there, and then air some stale canned footage from last night’s Brian Williams newscast.
• Accept that 2-3 minutes is not enough time for an interview. When you cut everybody off in mid-sentence for more stupid commercials, you reveal your priorities—and they’re not with interesting content.
• Screen out everyday yahoos who speak in monosyllables. They’re the interviews from hell.
• Cut the stupid, obvious questions. We KNOW how somebody who’s lost a limb or a child or survived a catastrophe feels. You don’t need to ask.
• Just say no to celebrities in their own minds, like Octomom, Kate Gosselin, and the Kardashians. They’re only “famous” because faux-news organizations like you keep them alive.
• Discontinue cooking segments unless the chefs have enough time to actually cook a recipe viewers can follow.
• Fire your panel of so-called “professionals” Nobody gives a flying f**k what Star Jones or Donny Deutsch think about anything.
• Cut that hour with Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda whatsits. They give washed-up, middle-aged drunks a bad name.

Ann Curry, take the money and run. You were too good for those self-centered rat-bastards. When GMA mops up in the next ratings sweep using Today as a Swiffer, you’ll have the last laugh.

Time to Get a Grip on ‘Mad Men’

By Karen

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

Every time I read another Mad Men analysis and wonder if I watched the same program, I’m reminded of this William Carlos Williams poem, “The Red Wheelbarrow,” and English teachers who commanded me to “Dig deeper. What and how much depends on that red wheel barrow?”

For me, it was the chickens’ birdbath, and one of the lamest poems ever written. Williams himself said he saw the wheel barrow in some old fisherman’s backyard. Period.

Just as reams of drivel have been written about that stupid wheel barrow, so has speculation about Mad Men. But Shakespeare nailed it, hundreds of years ago…

“…it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” Macbeth (Act V, Scene V).

Creator Matthew Weiner conceived an intriguing story about advertising in the 1960s, with compelling characters fortuitously played by perfectly cast actors.

And now everybody’s killing themselves looking for the meaning beyond the meaning.

Season 5 just wrapped, and the talking heads are drawing a parallel between the finale and Season 1, where Don Draper sat alone in a bar, about to pick up a woman. In Season 5, he even ordered an Old Fashioned (hint, hint!).

Weiner’s getting credit for brilliantly placing these moments five seasons apart in some grand design (ignoring the post-Season 4 contract dispute that threatened to kill the show altogether — why would he waste time plotting future seasons for an iffy paycheck?).

I think Weiner sees Draper as a womanizer who haunts bars. And now Weiner’s being swept along on this wave of analysis, humoring fans who think they have “insight” by pretending it’s all by pre-ordained plan.

Yes, it’s fun to guess what might happen next, but this endless dissection of each character’s every utterance, movement, and expression has completely jumped the shark.

People, it’s a good story, well told. Get a life.

Even Anthony Bourdain succumbed the other day, tweeting “Pete Campbell arc veering deeply into Cheever territory.”

OK, so maybe Weiner’s evoking some Catcher in the Rye, The Merchant of Venice, The Sound of Music, whatever. That’s what writers do. They soak in, reinvent, and regurgitate.

Watching Mad Men for obscure references so I can wax profoundly about it sucks all the fun out of it for me.

“But what did Lane Pryce’s suicide really mean?” you ask. “Did Weiner name him Pryce because he knew Lane would pay the ultimate ‘price’ with his life?”

Here’s another one for you: Does Don Draper’s name mean his last scene will be in a coffin, “draped” with a flag because he’s a veteran? Will it signify that all “Mad’ men” are soldiers in suits, serving a mission to win the American war of the wallet by selling people stuff they don’t need?

The silliness could go on and on. But let’s not.

I’m waiting for some character to actually recite the Williams poem, sending all the gazers into Don Draper’s navel into a tailspin of speculation.

Meanwhile, Matt Weiner is laughing all the way to the bank — but what is he really laughing at? The fans, or their weird need to morph Mad Men into something much bigger than he probably ever intended it to be?

Bourdain to Jump Ship to CNN

By Karen

I haven’t written about Anthony Bourdain lately because No Reservations is leaving me meh, but attention must be paid to today’s announcement that No Res is wrapping up after current Season 8 and he’ll be leaving Travel Channel after filming one more season of The Layover. In 2013 he’ll begin a Sunday prime-time series on CNN and become a domestic and international commentator.

Here at Cats Working, we’ve been saying for a long time that he’s too good for TC, but I’m not sure CNN is good enough for Bourdain. What do you think?

This just in (5/30): The CNN arrangement calls for Bourdain to produce 8 shows in 2 seasons each year, or a total of 16 episodes. Will an 8-week “season” be enough to  hook viewers so they’ll remember to return 6 months later for more? Hmmm…

Bizarre Food’s Andrew Zimmern, who’s been lately talking like Bourdain’s mini-me, must be giddy at the prospect of inheriting Tony’s crown as the “grand old man” of TC.

CNN’s news release describes Tony’s as-yet-unnamed program as one that “will be shot on location and examine cultures from around the world through their food and dining and travel rituals.”

I certainly hope this implies something more substantive than another opportunity for Tony to globe-trot, eat, drink, and shoot his mouth off.

Will CNN try to rein in Bourdain’s tendencies to stir up controversy? At last weekend’s Great GoogaMooga Festival in Brooklyn, Tony talked about doing unspeakable (if well-deserved) things to Dick Cheney and expressed a desire to soak an Olive Garden in gasoline so he could burn it to the ground over its pasta-cooking techniques.

Apparently, he’s forgotten the heartfelt review of the new Grand Forks Olive Garden that got him so misty-eyed, he handed a publishing deal to its 85-year-old author that’s probably doomed to produce a book to make Garrison Keillor seem like a pornographer in comparison.

Gothamist did a good job of putting Tony’s kind gesture into its proper Photoshopped perspective.

Tony’s long-awaited graphic novel, Get Jiro! is finally coming out July 3.

And someone is adapting his first novel, Bone in the Throat, into a movie.

Bourdain received an honorary Clio Award on May 15. I congratulate him, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around the rationale behind it.

I’d say Bourdain’s career has hit critical mass. Like Paula Deen, whatever he touches, whether past, present or future, is destined to turn to gold.

Speaking of Paula, Tony tried to clarify that he objects to her misleading fans and profiting richly from diabetes, while Paula and her kids disingenuously spin it that Bourdain blames her for having diabetes.

BONUS…

A few other things I’ve collected that may interest you:

Tony told Eater he’s still considering the year-in-Vietnam book, but opened the possibility of relocating it to Italy. YES, YES! Eater “gets” Tony, and their interview is well worth reading. In 2 parts.

Here are the first batch of books Tony has chosen to publish under his new Ecco imprint.

Ottavia’s become a celebrity in her own special niche. Here’s are some links to video interviews on how she got into MMA.

Dark Shadows Movie: DOA

By Karen

I hated the comical advertisements for Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows movie, but I couldn’t stay away opening day.

I should have.

I’m not doing spoilers, but will say this DS was neither an homage nor a mockery of the show. Rather, it’s a cynical hijacking of well-known, beloved characters, locations, and plotlines that enabled Burton & Co. to skip creating their own.

I don’t care what fans they’ve claimed to be. They obviously didn’t know the basics–right down to the name of servant Willie Loomis.

Screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith doesn’t know sh** about vampires. Since when do their fingers grow when they turn? And walk freely in daylight with sunglasses and umbrellas (á la Michael Jackson)? And not notice themselves bursting into flame in direct sunlight?

Johnny Depp’s decision to play Barnabas Collins channeling Nosferatu doomed the movie. When the “real” Barnabas (Jonathan Frid) was freed from his coffin in a new century, he noted changes in people’s behavior, speech, and dress, and did his best to fit in—albeit with a suave and courtly Old World flair. The FIRST thing he would have done was CUT HIS DAMN FINGERNAILS.

Depp’s Halloweeny white greasepaint with black eye sockets and cheeks made it impossible to believe that Victoria Winters—or even the witch Angelique—could be attracted to him.

And speaking of Victoria, the governess. As the reincarnation of Barnabas’ love, Josette, Bella Heathcote was woefully miscast. She looks about 12 and they dressed her like a child, so in her scenes with the boyishly-built Depp, they looked like 6th-graders. Zero sexual chemistry.

Eva Green played Angelique as sexually agressive trailer trash in designer labels. Her centuries-old beef with Barnabas drove the whole story, but Depp’s goofy looks killed whatever sparks might have been there.

Helena Bonham Carter had to play Dr. Julia Hoffman as a boozer for no reason, and her growing co-dependency with Barnabas got no screen time, so her behavior just seemed shallow and wacky.

I’ll give credit to Michelle Pfeiffer, who played matriarch Elizabeth Collins Stoddard. She lacked Joan Bennett’s regal presence, but she didn’t make the character ridiculous.

The overall film was extremely dark. The comic bits used in the ads were forced and fell flat.

This could have been a good movie if Depp hadn’t made Barnabas a buffoon. He even carried an cheap wooden knockoff of Barnabas’ elegant brass wolf’s head cane.

The original Dark Shadows’ may have had cheesy production values, but the actors gave it something this film, with its multimillion-dollar budget, utterly lacked—heart and class.

Depp and Burton had a chance to resurrect the franchise for original fans and a new generation, but they blew it. Big-time.

Bourdain Meets Jon Stewart TONIGHT

By Karen

I apologize to Cole for pre-empting his post, but I just learned that Anthony Bourdain is Jon Stewart’s guest tonight on The Daily Show (Comedy Central, 11 p.m. ET), and wanted to let any Bourdainiacs who still read Cats Working to know. I’ve been waiting for this particular match-up for a long time.

I just hope Stewart gets Tony to talk about something besides food.

Limbaugh Saves Face by Betraying Listeners

By Adele

Attention, dittoheads: Rush says he only wants to entertain you! His attack talk? It’s comedy. The guy’s just trying to be funny!

After 5 sponsors began pulling ads from his radio show, the great El Rushbo went all Limpaw and started back-tracking after calling women “feminazis” and Sandra Fluke in particular a “slut,” a “prostitute,” “round-heeled,” and “promiscuous.”

Fluke’s unpardonable sin was to testify in favor of affordable contraception before Nancy Pelosi and other members of Congress. Rush tried to inflame his listeners by falsely claiming that Fluke wants the government to pay her to have sex, and demanded she post videos of her sex life online to give taxpayers something for their money.

With prodding, Republican House Speaker John Boehner finally mumbled that Rush had been “inappropriate.” The White House called Rush’s words “reprehensible.”

Rush’s response was to pile it on thicker.

After Obama phoned Fluke in support, saying her parents should be proud she’d spoken out, Rush said Fluke’s parents should be “embarrassed” that their daughter is having so much sex, and should “disconnect their phone” and “go into hiding.”

But as always, when conservative men with rock-solid moral superiority see the money slipping away (sponsors Sleep Number, The Sleep Train, Quicken Loans, Legal Zoom, and Citrix started pulling ads, and others are considering it) Rush issued a hubris-laden apology to Fluke — and utterly dismissed the malicious, incendiary intent of his broadcasts that his listeners LOVE (bold mine)…

“For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week.”

“My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.”

“Illustrating the absurd with absurdity” is what Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Cats Working do. It’s called “satire.” When Rush’s worshippers are hanging on his every word and quoting him, I don’t believe they realize he’s doing schtick.

According to Rush, he isn’t their spokesman. He admits he’ll say anything for the money. Yank the money, he crumbles.

I just hope Rush has really done it this time — sealed the deal for Republicans to lose the female vote. The best way to punish Rush’s mouth is to keep Obama in the White House.