Animal Cruelty: Entertainment to Supreme Court?

By Cole

Under a 1999 federal law banning graphic animal cruelty videos, a Virginian named Robert Stevens got 3 years in jail for selling films of  pit bull fights. A federal appeals court overturned his conviction, and now the Supreme Court will decide if people’s freedom of speech is violated if they can’t film animals being tortured and killed.

As if anybody needs to be making Stevens’ bloody garbage or “crush videos,” so perverts can watch women stomp mice and kittens to death with their bare feet or in high-heeled shoes.

Dissecting the law, which the Obama administration and 26 states support, the justices played verbal games, implying it could ban educational films about hunting or nature.

The justices miss the point. To make these films, film-makers need “actors” — animals who can’t protest being thrust into dangerous or deadly situations. They can only use their claws and teeth to futilely fight for their lives while cameras roll.

Because animals can’t “speak,” we don’t deserve the right to live?

If we were talking about filming naked women in stilettos slicing and dicing a few babies or Supreme Court justices for fun, I think the debate would have been over quickly.

Justice Antonin Scalia said, “It’s not up to the government to decide what are people’s worst instincts.

Scalia, you soulless douche bag, by even considering throwing out this protection for animals, the Supreme Court displays its own worst instincts.

Going back to Robert Stevens, his argument is that his pit bull flicks were fine because they weren’t “obscene, inflammatory, or untruthful.”

Wrong, Stevens. They were obscene. And you are obscene, promoting the “sport” of dogs tearing each other apart. You should have gotten life in jail — with a hungry pit bull as your cellmate.

Dumbest Murder Investigation Ever?

By Cole

The death of census worker Bill Sparkman in a rural Kentucky cemetery is a terrible story, and I’m afraid that if the feds don’t step in, justice will never prevail.

Local authorities are saying they haven’t ruled out the possibility that Sparkman’s death was suicide or an accident. But after reading these details, what would any reasonable person (or cat) conclude?…

On September 12, Sparkman was found hanging from a tree in the cemetery by a family visiting deceased loved ones. He wasn’t completely off the ground, and he was naked except for his socks. His clothes were in the bed of a pickup truck parked nearby.

Sparkman’s hands and feet were bound with duct tape, with more tape around his neck and covering his eyes. He was gagged with something red. His Census Bureau ID was taped to his right shoulder, and the word “FED” scrawled across his chest with a felt-tip marker.

He hung from the tree by a rope around his neck. Coroner Jim Trosper determined the cause of death was asphyxiation, and said it was clear Sparkman’s death wasn’t natural.

Gee, Trosper, what tipped you off?

In the absence of clearer evidence of a crime, the police think it’s possible Sparkman may have stripped, written on his own chest, taped his ID to himself, blindfolded and gagged himself, bound his own hands and feet, climbed the tree, tied the rope to a branch, and then jumped or fallen.

While the police determine whether or not Sparkman acted alone, any family he has must be in utter despair, and his killer planning his next “perfect crime” between fits of laughter.

Florida Taxpayers Ordered to Foot Cat Killer’s Defense

By Cole

Judge John Thornton has ordered the state of Florida to pay $12,500 for alleged serial cat killer Tyler Weinman’s investigation and defense in a trial that could involve more than 100 witnesses. Prosecutors didn’t object, so let’s hope they’re sitting on some solid DNA evidence.

Weinman faces 19 felony counts of animal cruelty and improper disposal of animal bodies, as well as 4 counts of burglary, after he allegedly mutilated and murdered trusting pet cats and tossed them back into their front yards earlier this year. All the killings occurred in the two communities where Weinman shuttled between his divorced parents — coincidentally, whenever he was in town.

The LA Times reported that Weinman tried to make a deal before his arrest by confessing to some killings in exchange for lesser charges. Why would a completely innocent kid do that? Police decided to arrest him after he described too enthusiastically how a cat’s skin sounds when it’s peeled from its body.

Since being released on bond in June, Weinman has been under house arrest with a monitoring ankle bracelet. His grandfather is putting up $50,000 for his defense and helped post the $249,000 bond that sprang him from the slammer.

This family is sinking everything it has to prove the unemployed 18-year-old dropout they love is innocent. If they succeed in getting him off on a technicality, let’s hope he doesn’t show his gratitude by disemboweling and skinning them.

Media Glorifies, Personifies Stupidity in Gates Arrest

By Yul

Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and police sergeant James Crowley have gotten their free White House tour and a beer with President Obama and VP Biden — thanks to the media making them big celebrities because Obama stated off the cuff in front of reporters that the police “acted stupidly” in arresting Gates without cause.

As someone who’s been profiled all my life (“Oooh, stay away from that black cat. He’s bad luck!”), I agree with Obama. But contrary to what the media wants us to believe, color has nothing to do with this.

Gates came home from a trip and found his front door swollen and jammed shut, so he got another guy to help him unstick it. The neighborhood had had some burglaries, so someone who didn’t know Gates saw apparent burglaring and called police.

Police quickly responded. It doesn’t matter how Gates greeted them. As soon as officer Crowley realized the “burglar” owned the house, he should have backed down the steps saying, “Just doing my job. Glad your home is safe. Have a nice day,” and gone off in search of a real criminal.

Instead, Crowley went all macho-cop, handcuffed Gates, and took him in. Crowley has not apologized for his outrageous behavior. I guess Crowley forgets that Gates’ taxes pay Crowley’s salary, and that police are supposed to be public servants, not public bullies, to law-abiding citizens.

If Obama hadn’t said anything, this story would have blown over in a day or so, but the man’s entitled to his opinions and learns every day the hard way that the press can’t be trusted with them.

There’s plenty of stupid to go around here, but it’s epitomized by morons like Glenn Beck, calling Obama a racist.

Like Michael Jackson’s death last month, the media pounces on whatever it takes to divert public attention from matters requiring real thought, like war, the economy, and healthcare.

No, let’s keep ‘em all fixated on skin color — or, in Jackson’s case, lack of it — instead. It’s easier. No messy facts to juggle.

And the public takes the bait every time. How stupid can humans get?

Miami Cat Killer Deserves Law of the Jungle

By Cole

The new guy always gets the toughest assignments, so I’m responding to searches on “cat murderer” with our opinion on the Cat Killer.

Since May 10 in the Miami ‘burbs of Cutler Bay and Palmetto Bay, someone was killing innocent, trusting pet cats in unspeakable ways and leaving their mutilated bodies everywhere.

I myself grew up dodging crazy cat haters in the ‘hood as a stray until I found protection with caring shelter volunteers who weeded out wackos, so I can only imagine the terror and agony these poor kitties suffered in their last moments at the hands of a remorseless, butchering stranger.

After receiving tips and monitoring his Internet postings, particularly on the “Catch the Cat Killer!” Facebook group, the police arrested 18-year-old Tyler Weinman on June 14. Weinman lives in both towns, shuttling between divorced parents, and he “smirked” for his mug shot like this is a big joke.

He’s already raised his $249,500 bail and could be released today after a judge reviews his psychiatric evaluation. He’s supposed to remain under house arrest, wearing an electronic monitor.

Weinman faces 19 counts of felony animal cruelty, four charges of burglary, and 19 counts of improperly disposing of animal carcasses. He could get 158 years in prison, but we all know he won’t.

If he’d lured away 19 human toddlers, sliced and diced them, then tossed their gutted bodies on their parents’ front lawns, some with their faces cut off, he’d be smirking at a crazed lynch mob.

But some people think killing cats is no big deal. It’s just what boys do for fun.

If Weinman is guilty, he should be punished by cats — big cats. They’d play with him a long time before slowly shredding him.

There’s no description for his behavior except savage. The law of the jungle should apply.

But it won’t. If convicted, he’ll be out in a few years, just like dog torturer/murderer Michael Vick. These beloved cats will be forgotten until Weinman butchers a person and the victim’s family says, “If they’d kept this sick bastard in jail for killing cats, my (wife, child, husband) would still be alive today.”

The cats’ deaths are a warning to humans. You will be next if you don’t take this seriously.

6/17/09 UPDATE: Tyler Weinman is out of jail until his July 6 arraignment. The judge, in a decision she’ll regret if one more cat dies, decided Weinman’s not a theat. New details about the investigation have come out, including that Weinman is covered with scratches, which would indicate the cats put up a good fight before being slaughtered.

Simple Solution to the Pirate Problem

By Yul

What is the world coming to when packs of young men in cheesy little speedboats can terrorize mammoth cargo and passenger vessels?

These so-called Somali “pirates” don’t even know enough to fly a skull and crossbones.

It’s sad when life is so bad that hostage-taking becomes a viable career option. But they’re hijacking vessels trying to bring them food and aid. As a way of overcoming poverty, it’s self-defeating.

And now the civilized world is wringing its hands over whether to arm crews of the targeted ships, and where the captured pirates should be put on trial.

Consider this: the crew of Maersk Alabama was unarmed, and it took circling warships and the USS Bainbridge 5 days to kill just 3 pirates and rescue the Alabama’s captain, Richard Phillips.

Cost? Probably millions.

This past weekend, the Italian cruise ship MSC Melody had Israeli security guards on board who, embarrassingly, had to retrieve pistols from a safe while passengers kept a gaggle of pirates from climbing up the side by throwing deck furniture at them. But gunfire from the ship eventually repelled the attack.

Cost? A few bullets, plastic tables, and chairs.

It’s a no-brainer that all crews sailing the Indian Ocean should be armed, with orders to shoot to kill if attacked.

It also resolves the question of whose laws will prevail for crimes committed in international waters. Dead pirates need no trial.

The world must confront these seafaring thugs. The next bunch of pirates who sets sail needs to know the sea will be littered with little ghost ships crewed by skeletons or the rotting, bullet-riddled corpses of their predecessors.

If certain death becomes the immediate reward for attacking a ship, the pirates’ career prospects on land should look a lot brighter.

Obama, if You’re Not Angry Yet, Then When?

By Yul

I’m still proud there’s a black cat in the White House, but he’s beginning to worry me. Playing Mr. Fair, Legal, Constitutional Nice Guy is never going to fix this economy.

Obama needs to remind himself that nice guys finish last. The execs at AIG could tell him, if they weren’t so busy counting the bonuses they received thanks to the loophole Obama’s people insisted on adding to the bailout deal.

It caused taxpayers to send death threats to AIG and visit some executives’ Connecticut mansions just to see how “the other half” is living on their money.

Last week Obama claimed to be “outraged” at AIG, but like most of his strong emotions, it rang pretty hollow.

And now that Congress is channeling the public’s fury and proposing a 90% tax on the bonuses, Obama says he doesn’t want to govern “out of anger.”

If now isn’t the time to be angry, when is? People are losing their jobs, homes, and life savings, and struggling to afford health care while they watch their taxes go directly into the pockets of fat cats. They’re hearing that fat cats’ employment contracts are sacrosanct, while for them it’s, “All bets are off, dontcha know? We’re in a recession!”

The only way to change this mentality of, “Bend over and shut your eyes while we shaft you good and rob you blind,” is a smack-down furious enough to get Corporate America’s attention.

If Obama can’t bring himself to unfairly tax or fire these bozos who wrecked powerful banks, then let’s do it the legal way: Prosecute them. Fraud. Theft. Criminal Negligence. Take your pick.

There’s no such thing as playing fair with crooks. At least behind bars they can do no further harm.

Waiting for AIG to Do the Right Thing

By Fred

Washington is furious over AIG’s plan to waste $165 million taxpayer dollars on bonuses to incompetent executives, but Senator Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) had the best idea:

“I suggest… the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they’d follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then either do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide.

“And in the case of the Japanese, they usually commit suicide before they make any apology.”

I suggested hard labor on a chain gang, but hara-kari’s even better.

President Obama vows to do whatever he can to stop the bonuses, and to ensure that companies asking for government handouts never try it again.

AIG calls the bonuses “retention payments” (like they’re owed) and promises to cut them by 30% for 2009.

Hello??!! We want them cut 100% today. There’s no need to retain people who ruined the company.

New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo demanded a list of the people set to receive bonuses, as well as the negotiators of their contracts. AIG ignored him, so Cuomo plans to issue subpoenas.

The so-called sanctity of employer-employee contracts doesn’t justify the bonuses. The suits who run their companies into a ditch and then blithely throw thousands of people out of work with no severance, no benefits, and no notice deserve no special protection — and certainly no payoffs.

There’s hope the executives will be shamed into turning down the money, but it makes no sense to expect decency from people who earned their living screwing investors.

I say Cuomo should go for it. And gently-used, sharpened old swords should be sent to AIG in case any execs decide to do the right thing.

Here’s a Fix for AIG

By Fred

Some suits never learn. Insurer AIG, who accepted more than $170 billion in bailout money, wants to spit in taxpayers’ eyes by giving about $165 million in bonuses to their 50 top executives. The same guys who achieved Corporate America’s biggest loss in history — $61.7 billion in 4Q2008.

AIG claims their hands are tied because the incompetent execs all have contracts. They’re too stupid to do their jobs, but apparently smart enough to sue for money they know they don’t deserve.

Here’s how I see it: If you bankrupt your company, screwing your stockholders, employees, and customers, all bets are off. You can wipe your butt with that contract.

Here’s how we fix things: Taxpayers now own 80% of AIG. Step 1: Fire those guys. Step 2: Prosecute. To hell with “setting dangerous precedents.” Some dangerous precedents are exactly what we need because these crooks have no fear of repercussions.

Right now, the sight of Armani-clad executives being hauled off to prison in shackles would do for American consumer confidence what the sight of Marie Antoinette’s head in a basket did for peasants during the French Revolution.

Let ‘em spend the rest of their days pounding big rocks into gravel, which they can spread in chain gangs on some of Obama’s road improvement projects. They’ve already proven they’re not cut out for desk jobs.

These Wall St. wizards obviously still don’t get it, and the only thing nobody has tried yet is roughing them up and demanding accountability. What are we waiting for?

Circuit City Bankruptcy Judge Slaps Justice in the Face

By Fred

Thanks to U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Kevin Huennekens, the last ones shoveling dirt into Circuit City’s grave may divvy up about $4 million in bonuses. It’s short of the $4.65 million they originally wanted, but nobody will suffer because one executive left, and James Marcum, the vice chairman and acting president and CEO, took his name off the handout list.

However, they hope to reward Marcum for his noble gesture by slipping him a little something later when the heat’s off.

Meanwhile, 34,000 employees being robbed of their livelihoods by this bunch will lose their health insurance after March 31.

Marcum still doesn’t seem to get it, trying to justify the bonuses because, “We are asking people to put off their futures” by helping to wind down the business.

No, Marcum. The people whose futures are on hold are the ones scrambling because you kicked them to the curb. The jerks still occupying the offices around you know exactly how long they have to update their résumés (don’t they say it’s best to look for a job while you still have one?). They’re still collecting regular paychecks. And if they do a crackerjack job dismembering the rotting carcass of your company, they’ll get a bonus.

It would be refreshing for Marcum to be the first CEO in history to admit that those whose string of breathtakingly bad decisions are the last people on earth who deserve bonuses. And that he will seek a bottom-rung position in fast food to atone for inflicting financial and medical chaos on tens of thousands of people who depended on Circuit City’s top dogs for sound leadership and judgment.

But why should he? Judge Huennekens thinks the bonus idea is dandy. As long as we keep rewarding incompetence, Corporate America’s clueless CEOs will never take responsibility.