Flu Vaccine Shortage: Real or Fake?

By Yul

Another flu season — media hyper-hype for everyone to get vaccinated — and another vaccine shortage.

I’m sitting on Karen’s bed on a heating pad with a space heater and a humidifier blowing in my face, toughing out a very nasty cold with nary a drug, and tiny cat nostrils make a stuffy nose particularly miserable. Between catnaps, I’m catching up on the CDC’s excuses. First they tried to incite a pandemic panic. But after their BFF, Big Pharma, failed to deliver enough of the antidote, they’re now saying, “Just keep washing your hands, H1N1 isn’t even as bad as regular flu!” Newspapers across the country are reporting vaccine shortages.

Why? Drug companies say the vaccine is taking longer to make, the virus isn’t multiplying in eggs as much as it needs to, and, “Well, golly gee, we have to make 2 vaccines instead of one!”

Yada, yada, yada.

Big Pharma knows flu comes as surely as death and taxes. The media has gone into overdrive, implying it’s certain death to skip the vaccine by running heart-rending stories about the one in a million who succumbs. Then the drug companies drop the ball and people can’t get vaccinated.

Since their business is making drugs, why are they so inept at vaccines? Every year, it’s like they never made one before.

I think it’s all about profit. When they first said people needed three shots this year (2 for H1N1, one for regular flu) and clinics weren’t stormed with takers, they started singing, “Oh, wait. Never mind. You only need 2 shots.”

Economics 101: If you can’t bilk suckers for triple the price, go for double.

When that also failed to start a stampede, there’s suddenly a vaccine shortage. Last-ditch effort to drive up desirability and price.

Once poo-pooed as too cheap and infrequent, drug companies now smell big bucks in vaccines and are belatedly scrambling to ramp up production — particularly since the media is nurturing a permanent mindset that immortality is yours if you get every inoculation that comes down the pike.

How much you want to bet there will never be another flu season where one shot is enough?

Insurers Now Out to Sink Healthcare Reform

By Karen

“Hatchet job” was Senator Max Baucus’ (D-Mont.) assessment of the report just released by lobbying group America’s Health Insurance Plans (AHIP). Makes you wonder why he’s killing himself trying to protect their profits at our expense.

AHIP claims Max’s plan would raise rates — by $1,700 for families and $600 for individuals — by 2013.

So what’s their point? Without reform, rates routinely increase more than $600 every year.

Obama should feel the knife sticking out of his back while AHIP’s head cheerleader, Karen Ignagni, smugly hints that TV attack ads may be coming. The sheer gall of this complete 180 would be mind-blowing if we weren’t talking about the most useless, greedy, wasteful industry ever conceived.

But perhaps insurers just did us a favor. Cornered, maybe Congress will finally consider the only means guaranteed to reduce costs — HR3200 or HR676 — single-payer plans that make insurance obsolete.

Who could possibly care about the future of an industry that just denied a policy to a 4-month-old baby for the “pre-existing condition” of being fat?

Nobody wins with insurers. When rising premiums forced me to become underinsured this year, I got my prescriptions filled by Target instead of Anthem’s mail-order pharmacy — and guess what? Anthem had been overcharging me, selling a 90-day supply of my meds for $36 that Target sells for $20.

Target initially submitted its charge to Anthem, which Anthem immediately denied, but they said I could only have a 30-day supply.

I basically told Target, “F**k Anthem. Give me 90 days and don’t tell them.”

That means my prescriptions don’t go toward my $2,250 annual deductible and Anthem wins in the end. But I’ll be damned if they’ll dictate terms while not paying a penny.

Insurers planned to sink reform all along. With a clear conscience, Obama and Congress should respond to this duplicity by establishing universal, single-payer healthcare.

Are You Sick of Swine Flu Yet?

By Yul

Since cats don’t get swine flu I’m just an observer, but enough’s enough. The media is going overboard with this H1N1 thing. They admit swine flu is unpleasant, but runs its course in about a week, then they talk like it’s about to wipe human life off the planet. Which is it?

And who needs a shot? How many shots? In the arm or up the nose? Who will get sick? How sick will they get? Anybody got a crystal ball?

Flu happens every year. Some people get sicker than others. Unfortunately, some even die. Scaring the crap out of everybody over SWINE flu, whose porcine name makes it sound dirtier and more sinister (which the pork lobby  protests) is stooping too low.

People will be walking around with snot on their sleeves from sneezing into them. The French have even banned cheek-kissing.

Call me cynical, but I wonder if this isn’t some Big Pharma scam to score one last bonanza before Congress slams the lid on the cookie jar. It’s not hard to imagine the boardroom conversation:

“Why stop at one shot this year? There’s this icky new pig flu out there. Let’s make a separate vaccine for it so people need 2 shots this year.”

“Why stop there? Let’s say swine flu is so deadly, one shot won’t be enough. Then we can bilk ‘em for 3 shots!”

Whether people ultimately need 2 flu shots or 3, I predict that hype-induced confusion will result in fewer people than ever being vaccinated at all. Swine flu will make the rounds, most people won’t know which flu they had, and it will be remembered as the biggest non-event since the computer melt-down predicted for the millennium.

Not Playing Discover Card’s Games

By Karen

Because Discover Card’s sliver of 1% rebate is an insult to incentives, I seldom use it, but it has become my most annoying credit card.

Since the Credit Card Accountability, Responsibility, and Disclosure Act of 2009 gave issuers until next year to nail customers to the wall before it takes effect, I’ve been watching my cards.

The last time I used Discover to keep it active, I was inundated with phone calls beseeching me to use it more, not to mention almost daily shipments of “convenience checks.” Then I got a nice letter that began…

We want to thank you for participating in our FREE 5% Cashback Bonus® program and remind you how easy it is to make your money worth More.

Just use your Discover® Card at home improvement stores, department stores, and clothing stores from 04/01/09 until 6/30/09, and get 5% Cashback Bonus on up to $400 in purchases.”

Sounded good. I stopped reading and skipped down to the table laying out the 5% bonuses for each quarter of 2009.

I charged something at Home Depot in June. No 5% bonus. OK, maybe a system glitch. No big deal.

In July, the rebate switched to gas, so I used Discover for a few tanks. Again, no 5% bonus.

This time I called Discover, and learned I have to sign up every quarter. This is a chore I can live without.

I’ve had this stupid card since 1988. If Discover wants to increase my Cashback on certain purchases, fine. But don’t expect me to perform quarterly maintenance.

The Discover rep told me the enrollment gimmick is for marketing research. After 21 years, now I’m a guinea pig.

The rep granted my full gas rebate ($1.24) and enrolled me in this quarter’s 5% program, but all bets are off in October. So Discover is banished from my wallet indefinitely, and they can keep the loose change as my gift.

Verizon Strikes Again, Comcast Strikes Out

By Karen

After more “rate creep” by Comcast to almost $90/month for plain vanilla cable, Verizon bundled FIOS phone and TV for a few bucks more than I now pay for phone alone.

Verizon needs to work on their “Wait from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. for us to show up” policy, but the FIOS TV installation August 10 was seamless, thanks to Mike, a friendly technician from Indiana.

But on my phones, Verizon screwed up in classic mode. I just wanted my dedicated fax line merged into my main line with distinctive ring, retaining the fax number.

No problem, Verizon said. We’ll disconnect the fax line August 10, and reconnect it as distinctive ring August 11. They said it involved another service call, so I’d have to spend a second day waiting between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

No so, said Mike. That’s a remote switch. He even rearranged my phone jacks and reprogrammed my fax so I’d be ready. Then he called Verizon to confirm the phone work, and they told him my fax line had been disconnected since August 4.

WTF?

He gave me a number to call and verify the phone work, and that’s when things got interesting.

The first Verizon rep kept me on hold for half an hour before telling me I couldn’t keep my fax number, even though it was still available.

So I asked to be bumped up and got a nice woman who said I could keep my fax number. She even offered to switch it to distinctive ring on the spot, but the work order for August 11 was apparently set in concrete.

I just checked it, and my fax line works, so the switch was made. There’s just this little nagging mystery of why that line was disconnected a week early.

Verizon FIOS TV leaves Comcast in the dust. I never knew my TV could have such a clear, crisp picture. FIOS lets you access Internet information with widgets, even though I have Clearwire Internet. Accessing On Demand takes mere seconds. And Verizon threw in some free HBO so I can catch up on Season 2 of True Blood.

Superior TV for $80 less, but there are tradeoffs. We’ve lost our beloved horse racing channel, and I can no longer fax and talk on the phone simultaneously. But to dump Comcast, it’s worth it.

Adios, Taco Bell Dog

By Yul

Whenever I see our bobblehead figure or the basket of cheap little stuffed talking Chihuahuas, I will fondly remember the Taco Bell dog, who was actually a female named Gidget, the canine Meryl Streep.

We acquired all our toy dogs from 1997 to 2000, every time Karen saw the Chihuahua in another cute commercial and craved putrid faux-Mexican food. Karen saw Legally Blonde 2 because “her dog” was in it, and futilely hoped Gidget was poised for a big comeback in 2002 when she did a cameo in an ad with the GEICO gecko.

Gidget’s run with TB ended when they hired new marketing geniuses who dumped her in favor of mumbling young boys, their prime demographic. It worked, because Karen never eats at Taco Bell anymore.

Two guys who originally conceived the talking dog recently got the last laugh, to the tune of $42 million. Seems Taco Bell nixed their concept, then had their own ad agency run with it.

We cats tolerated Karen’s fascination with the dog because I could have kicked a Chihuahua into next Tuesday with one foot tied behind my back if Karen were ever crazy enough to bring home a real one.

But Gidget’s passing at age 15 after a stroke she suffered at her trainer’s home on July 21 has left us all sad.

Taco Bell never recaptured the wit and appeal their ads had when that winsome Chihuahua was teaching us all a little Spanish. Maybe some day, TB will wise up (and run out of ways to churn the same half-dozen ingredients) and give another Chihuahua a chance.

Resto en paz, Gidget.

Mama, Don’t Make Us Cats Go Vegan

By Yul

I can watch people eat salad all day, just don’t toss any into my bowl. I’m an unapologetic carnivore.

Last month, Karen bought this bag of junk called “By Nature” that contains chicken and fish, but the brown rice, various grains, tomato pomace, sweet potatoes, carrots, blueberries, cranberries, and raspberries ruin it.

Cats eating berries? Ha! The bag sits untouched.

But it had me worried, so I’ve been checking around to see what cats might face if this animal vegan thing takes off. I found VeganCats who sell VegeYeast, a supplement 100 times more acidic than regular yeast.

Could that possibly be a good thing?

A dog-owning VegeYeast fan shared some of her homemade dog food recipes. She puts garlic powder in everything, oblivious that it’s dangerous for cats and dogs. (For the record, onion can be fatal.)

They also sell vegan Evolution at $2.95 for a 14-oz. can. Add the pharmacy of dietary supplements to fill the nutritional vacuum, and our food is probably more expensive than people’s.

VeganCats had nothing good to say about mainstream canned food:

Most people… don’t know about the filthy renderings, diseased parts and tumors, unnatural fillers and other junk that goes into common foods, and they seem to think that most foods contain pure meat. Well, folks, that’s not the case, and you’d probably be quite surprised how little “good” meat goes into most mainstream brands…

What’s their point? If you believe Anthony Bourdain, cats are getting the most delicious “nasty bits.” Well, maybe not the tumors.

But I agree with VeganCats on this…

For those who say a vegan diet is “not natural,” please let us know what’s natural about a cat eating parts of cow, turkey, salmon or other such creatures that they’d never catch in the wild. When there is finally a can with a full dead squirrel, mouse, mole, etc., inside, then there will finally be a “natural” cat food…

Now they’re talking. We’d love Friskies® Field Mouse Savory Shreds, and we’d be helping the environment!

Joke of the Day: Credit Card Reform

By Karen

Credit card offers choke my mail every day, but card issuers call me a “deadbeat” because I pay my balances in full and on time every month. They’d much rather extort fees and interest that would have the Mafia drooling.

And now Congress and Obama are trying to “fix” credit with their so-called “crack-down” on credit card companies.

Do I sound a tad bitter? Well, I am. It smells just like their faux healthcare reform, where they’re determined to keep private insurers rolling in profits even if it kills the rest of us — financially and literally.

Like health insurers, credit card companies know how to work the system. To compensate for lost monthly fees, which comprised 70% of their profits in 2005, more cards may have annual fees. And the interest clock may start ticking the moment a purchase is made, like it already does on some cash advances. Congress kow-towed to banks by failing to cap interest rates in its legislation, so the sky’s the limit.

Since I’d never piss away hundreds in annual fees to maintain a stable of credit cards, I’ll be forced to cancel many, and that could wreck my credit rating.

Congress’ new limits don’t become effective for 9 months, so they obviously want card issuers to have a nice big window to squeeze consumers as dry as they can. It’s the only reasonable explanation for such a delay, which will only lead to more defaults and bankruptcies. Banks have computers. If they can levy fees and raise interest rates on individual accounts in the blink of an eye, they’re fully capable of making global system changes within one monthly billing cycle to comply with new laws.

You’d think with a Democratic House, Senate, and president, the little guy would finally catch a break, but it’s a rare day when Congress and the White House don’t sell us out to Big Business and tell us they’re doing us a favor.

Crazy Judge Makes Richmond VA Bankruptcy Utopia

By Fred

First he gave executives who killed Circuit City his blessing to blow the company’s last dime on bonuses for themselves. Now U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Kevin Huennekens is telling the defrauded customers of defunct LandAmerica 1031 Exchange Services the money they entrusted to LandAm is no longer theirs.

These poor suckers made the mistake of letting LandAm hold the proceeds from sales of investment properties so they could avoid paying capital gains tax while they found other properties to invest in. LandAm collected these deposits with a smile almost right up to the moment it went under.

Huenneken’s ruling that the money now belongs to LandAm is based on the loophole that customers’ agreements with the company didn’t contain the words “trust” or “escrow.”

Silly people just believed what the company stated was its whole reason for existing.

Huenneken’s anti-consumer interpretation may ultimately kill the 1031 exchange business altogether. Only an idiot would give a penny to such a company, knowing the company could disappear tomorrow and keep everything, no strings attached.

To top it off, these ripped-off customers now owe those capital gains taxes on the money Huenneken is letting LandAm steal, unless President Obama himself declares the situation a disaster and lets them off the hook with the IRS.

The customers’ only recourse is to line up with all LandAm’s other creditors and hope someone throws them a scrap.

Justice may be blind, but this ruling is so morally and ethically repugnant and utterly devoid of common sense, Huennekens needs to be de-benched and psychologically evaluated before other bankrupt companies launch the biggest siege Richmond has seen since the Civil War, seeking more sweet deals.

Home Depot will probably see a big spike in shovel sales, now that investors know a hole in the backyard is the only safe place to keep their fortunes.

Padma Lakshmi Doing Soft Porn for Hardee’s

By Karen

This ad featuring Top Chef hostess Padma Lakshmi is stunning. You’ve got to see it to believe it. If you’ve ever suspected Padma really doesn’t know good food from bad, here’s your proof.

In a bonus clip on the Hardee’s site, Padma observes with her usual astuteness, “I don’t think we’re trying to make a sexy commercial,” like all women wear necklines cut to their waists and speak in double entendres. Here are her lines; decide for yourself:

I’ve always had a love affair with food.

I think I’ve tasted every flavor imaginable.

But there’s something about the Western Bacon.

(Sits on on steps with legs wide; later hikes up skirt.)

It reminds me of being in high school,

Sneaking out before dinner to savor that sweet, spicy sauce,

(Slowly licks own wrist.)

And leaving no evidence behind.

(Wipes bare ankle with finger, then licks it.)

Voiceover: Hardee’s Western Bacon Thickburger. More than just a piece of meat.

Right, Hardee's. It's TWO pieces of meat. (Photo - Hardee's)

Hardee’s claims Padma came to them asking for the endorsement because the Thickburger reminds her of her adolescent rebellion against her vegetarian upbringing. They bill her kindly as an “author” and “culinary expert,” rather than the more accurate “vapid sexpot,” and say she’s game to do another commercial, but they don’t have a “story” yet.

The only thing left for Padma to do is strip naked and feast in bed on Mr. “Thickburger” — get it? Wink, wink.

The next time I see her spit some poor aspiring top chef’s food into her napkin in disgust, I’ll remember her eagerly fellating a strip of greasy bacon and licking the drippings off her foot.

After shilling for Hardee’s, Tom Colicchio should tell Padma to pack her knives and go from Top Chef, even if she swears on her life as a supermodel that she heaved the burger as soon as the commercial shoot was over.

On the other hand, you’ve got to feel sorry for the woman and the lengths she’ll go for a free meal between seasons of TC.