Will Sarah Palin Ever Run Out of Scapegoats?

By Adele

Short answer? No. And Oprah Winfrey walked on eggs trying not to become the next one. Sarah Palin’s book, Going Rogue, began polluting bookstores yesterday, blaming everybody for everything. Now she’s whining to Rush LimpPaw, Barbara Walters, and anybody else who can listen to her with a straight face.

Oprah seemed unusually subdued for most of their chat, carefully lobbing softball questions as if she’d been ordered, “Don’t try to make Sarah ad lib an original thought or say anything she can’t readily quote from the book.”

Oprah did dare to replay the infamous clip of Katie Couric asking Palin about what she reads. Palin’s still oblivious to the fact that she’s the only one who detects malice or a hidden agenda — and she still can’t name a title.

New York Times book reviewer Michiko Kakutani has pegged Going Rogue as “part cagey spin, part earnest autobiography, part payback hit job,” and hinted that Palin’s co-author, Lynn Vincent, features editor of an evangelical magazine called World, did Palin no favors by not cleaning up nonsensical imagery like this sentence from the first paragraph:

“I breathed in an autumn bouquet that combined everything small-town America with rugged splashes of the Last Frontier.”

Oprah only seemed to thaw out when she got Palin to say Levi Johnston has an open invitation to Thanksgiving, right after she trashed him by claiming he aspires to a porn career because of his relatively modest Playgirl spread.

Speaking of trashing, Palin also did a number on John McCain’s key campaign staff, especially manager Steve Schmidt, who calls the book “total fiction.” McCain has only said he’s “disappointed.”

So the dimwit thinks she gets the last word by putting her delusions in print.

The Associated Press did some fact-checking and, not surprisingly, found Palin’s facts lacking.

I confess, like President Obama, I will probably never read Palin’s book because Karen won’t let me. But the buzz tells me if you’re looking for reasons Palin would make a good president, they aren’t in Going Rogue.

Kid Keeps Getting Sarah Palin’s Goat

By Adele

Still think Sarah Palin looks presidential, bickering endlessly with her teenage daughter’s baby-daddy, Levi Johnston? Me, either.

Palin’s relentless idiocy is finally paying off. CNN’s latest poll revealed only 29% now think she’s qualified to be president.

Levi’s revelations have the unmistakable ring of truth. But you can’t really blame Palin. Levi knew her as a rural housewife working in the relatively rinky-dink Alaskan political machine who killed large animals for fun. When she called Trig her “retarded baby,” she had no idea John McCain would become her fairy godfather, clean her up, and send her to the ball.

It was Palin who took her sweet time seeking help after her water broke with Trig, flying from Texas to Alaska. Calling him retarded after she tried to kill him seems mild.

And let’s back up on her complaints about Levi’s current notoriety. Palin’s whining that he’s just “selling his body for attention,” apparently referring to his upcoming Playgirl spread.

Sarah, who put him out there in the first place? Would anybody know Levi if you hadn’t trotted out him and pregnant Bristol during your failed VP campaign? You built this Frankenstein yourself, girl.

Levi has proudly proclaimed himself a “f**king redneck.” He had few prospects in Alaska, so he’s unapologetically seizing opportunities that come along now — exactly as Palin is doing.

Levi says he’s withholding truly damaging information on Palin, but I’m guessing if she keeps sniping, or tries to trash him in her upcoming book, Going Rogue, he’ll unload on her with both barrels. Her presidential dreams will be as dead as that bear pelt on her sofa.

Where’s Michelle Obama’s Magical Belt?

By Adele

The first Obama family portrait, taken in September by Annie Liebovitz, has just been released, and THE BELT must have been sulking. It’s not in the picture, even though it would have complemented Michelle’s black dress better than most of the other outfits she wears it with.

Perhaps the president put his foot down while they were getting dressed and refused for once to compromise. Let’s pretend I’m the kitty under the bed during their conversation…

Michelle: (Emerging from walk-in closet.) Barack, honey, could you please buckle me up?

Barack: Sure… No, wait a minute! You’re going to wear that thing in our family portrait?

M: What’s the problem? I wore a belt almost just like it all over Europe and you never complained. Carla Bruni-Sarkozy even said it’s trés chic.

B: But the girls weren’t with us on that trip. You know how much THE BELT scares them. How are we going to get them to relax and smile for Annie Leibovitz if they think you’re going to light into them with THE BELT if they don’t?

M: That’s silly. You know I’d never lay a hand on them with an expensive fashion accessory like this.

B: And what about me? The leader of the free world isn’t holding up his pants with studded leather 4 inches thick. You’re making me look like a cream puff. Fox and Limbaugh will never let me hear the end of it.

M: (Pouting as she shuffles back to the closet.) OK, OK. I won’t wear it this time, but you’ve got to promise me a big shindig on the South Lawn where THE BELT gets center stage. Deal?

B: Deal. And lose the cardigan while you’re at it. This is supposed to be a formal portrait.

Michelle Obama and Her Magical Belt

By Adele

This had to be an historical first: our First Lady doing the hula on the South Lawn. Michelle Obama kept her hoop going for an impressive 142 rotations during the Healthy Kids Fair, but I couldn’t stop staring at — THE BELT.

This is not the same belt she wore overseas. That forgettable little accessory had only 2 measly rows of studs. She has upped the ante to 3 rows to ensure that nobody fails to notice — THE BELT.

I think the whole kids fair was just a front to stage a photo op for — THE BELT.

Wide black leather worn backward so the buckle digs into her spine whenever she sits, cinched tightly over a cardigan and an untucked blouse to accentuate her caboose and make her look really bottom-heavy.

The latest belt is so wide, if she adds one more row of studs, she’ll be wearing a leather corset.

I imagine all Michelle has to do is put her hand behind her back (as if reaching to unbuckle said belt) to strike fear in the hearts of everyone in the White House, including the president. The kids begin to whimper and Bo the dog runs yelping under the bed. They all know that one wallop from THE BELT will take them down for the count.

THE BELT turns the most feminine outfit into a power suit. Michelle just has to slip into black stiletto heels to instantly become “Dominatrix of the World.”

It’s a shame President Obama didn’t make THE BELT the mainstay of his wardrobe. If he instead of Michelle had been wearing leather and studs every day since the inauguration, Congress wouldn’t have dared to let healthcare reform go totally off the rails.

Insurers Now Out to Sink Healthcare Reform

By Karen

“Hatchet job” was Senator Max Baucus’ (D-Mont.) assessment of the report just released by lobbying group America’s Health Insurance Plans (AHIP). Makes you wonder why he’s killing himself trying to protect their profits at our expense.

AHIP claims Max’s plan would raise rates — by $1,700 for families and $600 for individuals — by 2013.

So what’s their point? Without reform, rates routinely increase more than $600 every year.

Obama should feel the knife sticking out of his back while AHIP’s head cheerleader, Karen Ignagni, smugly hints that TV attack ads may be coming. The sheer gall of this complete 180 would be mind-blowing if we weren’t talking about the most useless, greedy, wasteful industry ever conceived.

But perhaps insurers just did us a favor. Cornered, maybe Congress will finally consider the only means guaranteed to reduce costs — HR3200 or HR676 — single-payer plans that make insurance obsolete.

Who could possibly care about the future of an industry that just denied a policy to a 4-month-old baby for the “pre-existing condition” of being fat?

Nobody wins with insurers. When rising premiums forced me to become underinsured this year, I got my prescriptions filled by Target instead of Anthem’s mail-order pharmacy — and guess what? Anthem had been overcharging me, selling a 90-day supply of my meds for $36 that Target sells for $20.

Target initially submitted its charge to Anthem, which Anthem immediately denied, but they said I could only have a 30-day supply.

I basically told Target, “F**k Anthem. Give me 90 days and don’t tell them.”

That means my prescriptions don’t go toward my $2,250 annual deductible and Anthem wins in the end. But I’ll be damned if they’ll dictate terms while not paying a penny.

Insurers planned to sink reform all along. With a clear conscience, Obama and Congress should respond to this duplicity by establishing universal, single-payer healthcare.

Oslo to Obama: No Pressure!

By Yul

Nobody saw it coming — Norwegians putting Obama’s feet to the fire with a tongue-in-cheek Nobel Peace Prize. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to see my fellow black cat win a prize, but that one? For what?

It’s still business as usual in Iraq, and if Obama heeds his generals, things are about to take an ugly turn in Afghanistan.

For a change, everyone seems to agree on one thing: Obama was recognized mainly for not being George W. Bush. On the other hand, the day the Nobel was announced, we hauled off and bombed the moon.

Looking for ice. Yeah, whatever.

Obama is increasingly much talk, little action. Just ask gays. Or people waiting for deliverance from the scourge of private health insurers. On that score, Obama hasn’t just taken a backseat to Congress, he’s locked himself in the trunk. It’s become blatantly obvious that health insurance “reform” is all about protecting insurers’ precious profits. Any change that would actually reduce cost and waste — the private option, expanding Medicare, single payer — is DOA.

But will Obama be able to end Bush and Cheney’s wars? Will he de-nuke Ahmadinejad and get the Middle East to accept Israel? Will he ever get Americans to stop screaming and making themselves look foolish to the rest of the world?

I’m guessing not, and Obama will someday be hiding the Prize in a closet, but you have to applaud Norway’s off-beat way of reminding our president that talk is cheap and results would be nice.

Animal Cruelty: Entertainment to Supreme Court?

By Cole

Under a 1999 federal law banning graphic animal cruelty videos, a Virginian named Robert Stevens got 3 years in jail for selling films of  pit bull fights. A federal appeals court overturned his conviction, and now the Supreme Court will decide if people’s freedom of speech is violated if they can’t film animals being tortured and killed.

As if anybody needs to be making Stevens’ bloody garbage or “crush videos,” so perverts can watch women stomp mice and kittens to death with their bare feet or in high-heeled shoes.

Dissecting the law, which the Obama administration and 26 states support, the justices played verbal games, implying it could ban educational films about hunting or nature.

The justices miss the point. To make these films, film-makers need “actors” — animals who can’t protest being thrust into dangerous or deadly situations. They can only use their claws and teeth to futilely fight for their lives while cameras roll.

Because animals can’t “speak,” we don’t deserve the right to live?

If we were talking about filming naked women in stilettos slicing and dicing a few babies or Supreme Court justices for fun, I think the debate would have been over quickly.

Justice Antonin Scalia said, “It’s not up to the government to decide what are people’s worst instincts.

Scalia, you soulless douche bag, by even considering throwing out this protection for animals, the Supreme Court displays its own worst instincts.

Going back to Robert Stevens, his argument is that his pit bull flicks were fine because they weren’t “obscene, inflammatory, or untruthful.”

Wrong, Stevens. They were obscene. And you are obscene, promoting the “sport” of dogs tearing each other apart. You should have gotten life in jail — with a hungry pit bull as your cellmate.

U.S. Gets an Olympic Smack-Down

By Yul

I wasn’t surprised that Chicago wasn’t picked to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. What did surprise me was that we got eliminated first. We never even had a chance. So much for our so-called superpower.

The Obamas tacked another cool million onto the deficit to fly to Copenhagen on a fool’s errand. On the bright side, by failing to wow the IOC, they spared the country from wasting billions on pointless sports when there’s real life-and-death stuff going on where the money would be better spent — like healthcare, disaster relief, and education.

The people of Chicago themselves were ambivalent about it. They saw nothing but construction and congestion for the next six years. And for what? To impress a bunch of pharmaceutically engineered athletes of unidentifiable gender?

The U.S. has also been spared the embarrassment of hosting what would probably be the most poorly attended Olympics in history, particularly if Obama gets the boot in 2012. If they’ve been watching American news lately, people in other countries should be afraid — very afraid — to come here for any reason.

The United States is being not-so-slowly overrun by pasty-faced, screaming, gun-toting zombies who hate everyone but their own kind and who will share nothing.

It’s Obama’s misfortune that the U.S. is making itself the last place on earth anyone would feel safe holding any international event. He gave it his best shot, but he didn’t lose the Olympics. The American people did.

Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue

By Adele

Sarah Palin’s publisher, Harper, claims she did have enough thoughts in her head to fill 400 pages — in 4 months, no less.

The vacuous ditz will stop at nothing to parlay her 15 minutes of fame into a fortune. First she dumped unfinished that pesky governor’s job with its unsatisfying little paychecks. She had no reason to stay after they cut off her unlimited bonuses from bogus travel expenses.

She’s smelled gold in the lower 48 with the morons Rush LimpPaw and Glenn Beck have been priming, so Palin refocused like a laser to finish ASAP her autobiography, Going Rogue: An American Life.

She’s only 45 years old and can count on one hand the number of years she’s done anything significant outside Wasilla, so the writing couldn’t have been too taxing. The question is why it took 400 pages.

Harper is rushing copy-editing and fact-checking to put 1.5 million copies on the market November 17 so good little neocons will find Sarah and her backwoods BS under their Christmas tree.

Harper’s got to be cutting corners on quality, and it won’t be the printing. When you consider that Palin still thinks it’s “nucular,” the book’s bound to be riddled with misstatements, factual errors, and boners in English usage that her detractors will gleefully pounce on.

But the more ignorant Palin’s book is, the more the rubes who comprise her loyal base will identify with it as they slowly sound out every poorly worded, inane sentence.

Sarah Palin Does Hong Kong

By Adele

In her first paid speech since abandoning her job in Alaska, Sarah Palin spoke to more than a thousand investors and bankers at an annual investment conference in Hong Kong on September 23. The obvious question is: Why would these people want to hear a self-professed “hockey mom” talk about high finance?

As you might expect, Palin took the intellectually low road, saying, “I’m going to call it like I see it, and I will share with you candidly a view right from Main Street, Main Street U.S.A.”

For what Palin’s small-town experiences are worth in the grand scheme of things, they could have invited me to speak on pet futures and gained as much insight.

Palin yakked for 90 minutes, allowing only 10 minutes for pesky questions. The media was barred from the event, reportedly at her request.

And now they’re calling it her first big “foreign policy credential” for a 2012 presidential run.

Attendees told various media outlets, as reported in Time, that Alaska figured prominently in her speech:

“She rambled on about the place for ages,” says an Indian banker with a major U.S. firm. “Palin even talked about Alaska’s land bridges with Asia and how animals once went across.” Based on a recording it reviewed, the Wall Street Journal says Palin invoked her husband Todd’s Eskimo heritage as a sign of shared “bloodlines” between the continents.

You can catch a few illegally captured moments at HuffPost and watch Nobel-Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman dismantle Palin’s ridiculous assertion that government regulation caused the Wall Street melt-down, which she supported by citing various lax legislation, and then concluded that banking needs even less oversight.

In railing against big government, Palin is setting herself up to run for leader of nothing. No laws, no regulations, no safety nets for anyone. So what’s her point?

As always, she’s too stupid to realize she doesn’t have one.